| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hi , i havent had a boyriend for two years it doesnt bother me because im enjoying going out with friends the only problem is i haven't had a sexual partner since then either i just cant have a one night stand my friends all do but i dont feel comfortable i slept in the same bed as this boy i fancied last weekend my friends urging me on saying get it out my system but i couldnt i dont think im emotionally stable enough to just have sex then leave and i would feel ashamed my mom thinks it is because i was sexually active when i was really young and i grew to hate having sex with my partner because i didnt love him i was with him seven years .but i dont no what to do im 22 an i feel so immature for feeling like this i feel as if im missing out x
View related questions:
immature, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2006): Don't ever compromise yourself to fit in.
As a guy I also think its great that you have standards and self respect. My ex girlfriend and I broke up over the fact she was what someone here referred to as a "slag" and I couldn't take the idea of being with a girl who had no self-respect and seemed to get off on things besides love and true emotion.
I wish sorely that my ex was like you, but sadly she is the type of person who will be with someone for almost no reason at all, and the proof is in the guys she has been with.
I think you'll not only benefit by staying true to yourself but that the guy you are with in a relationship next will benefit as well from the peace of mind he will get from knowing his girlfriend (you) are with him and that he could not just be anybody to be in that position because of the fact you are the way you are, which is such a huge plus. He will feel incredibly special in a way he will never be able to get anywhere else but you.
I understand that its easy to read whats been said here by everyone and still feel differently because your friends are the source of the pressure but i urge and plead with you to have faith in yourself and your strengths.
I've lost my relationship over my girlfriends horrible history and it hurt more than anything i've ever been through.
You also are not into it to begin with, so why change? It will only bring you negatives. If you were into it, like my ex who seemed to really get off hard on meaningless and promiscuous sex, then I would try and convince you to change.
Finally I suggest you check out the "Why can't I get my girlfriends past sex life out of my head" thread. Read some of the many posts by guys who have to suffer through the feeling that for their girlfriends being intimate is something meaningless. Do you want to be this girl for the guy you end up with?
You seem to have your head in the right place and i think thats special. Don't make what could potentially be a huge mistake in changing yourself for something that is so fleeting compared to when you find real love.
Believe me guys who are serious about loving a woman pray for someone like you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): As a man reading this I am so happy to see that there are actually women out there who haven't yet detached the idea of real emotion and emotional stability from sex.
Sweetheart do not change!!!!!!
EVER.
The guy you end up with and feel comfortable with will not only be all you need but also grateful.
Your friends are idiotic.
The truth is there is a lot pressure on women due to the trendy "sex in the city" mentality to feel as though if they're not completely indiscriminate or standardless when it comes to sex then they aren't living up to the idea of the 'progressive woman'.
I see so many women falling victim to this stylized view and the peer pressure of their idiot friends who have also subscribed to this mentality and have either fucked up and don't want to be alone in their mistake or who are insecure about the decision themselves and need the reassurance that comes with having their friends be like minded.
Be stronger and more individual than them. There is never anything wrong about needing more substance and depth to your relations, in fact I think there's something so right about that which is sadly refreshing due to its rarity.
Also, I dont' want to seem oblivious, of course there are the women out there who are indiscriminate with their sexuality and do enjoy one nighters or sex without emotional engagement, but I would go as far as to say its an unhealthy way to live and sets up a crippling standard for when you have to genuinely engage with someone on a deeper level. Furthermore as a guy I will also say this type of woman is far less desirable as a partner for a plethora of reasons.
Stay who you are and learn to be comfortable with yourself because I can say, as someone who has been disappointed with the general level of standards women have for themselves these days, who you are is a better person to be.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 I find the advice your friends are giving you, to be the dumbest advice I ever did hear!!
You are right to not listen to them, the only things you are missing out on, are things you do not want to be having in your life, trust me!
...............................
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 stick to your values, don`t sleep around if you don`t want to, this is your life not your friends, you have a set of morals that are your own so don`t be swayed, stay strong and remember you dont need to have a partner to get rid of your sexual urges, go visit an adult shop and get some ideas.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2006): where was i when one night stands became something to urge your friends to do? i just dont get that. did anyone forget about std's or unwanted pregnancies? knowing what you will and will not do is not a sign of immaturity. in fact i think it is the opposite.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (28 January 2006):
 Don't feel pressured to perform the same acts as your friends. If you do something that you don't feel comfortable with you will regret it and probably despise yourself forever.
You are the mature one for admitting you are not the sort of person who *gets off* on one night stands. I am not saying there is anyhting wrong with them, just they are obviously wrong for you.
Enjoy your life and don't ever do anyhting you are not comfortable with.
Have fun x
...............................
A
female
reader, chearfullcharlie +, writes (28 January 2006):
 Hi:) Ive read your letter and it seems to me that your not immature! You are acutally very mature. Some one who sleeps around just for a bit of sex is what most people call a slag and i feel that you are a sweet girl who knows how to look after herself. If your friends are trying to make you do this then they are not very good friends are they? One day you will be out and find the man of yours dreams then you will see that waiting is sometimes better. Well Good look x
...............................
A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (28 January 2006):
 As I read your letter, I want you to know what I see. I see a very strong person that is able to wait to have sex with the right person, what a wonderful quality at your age! You may see this as a weakness, but this is actually a strength. You are happy just being with your friends, and dont feel the need to be in a relationship. That tells me you are comfortable and happy with who you are. You made good choices and moral beliefs and you have stuck to them, I praise you for that! I hope you realize that these are not faults or weaknesses, you are not giving in to the pressure from your friends, and you are very emotionally stable and mature.
...............................
A
female
reader, pressure free +, writes (28 January 2006):
love isn't about on night stands or getting pregnent it's about having a relationship that will last for ever sometimes you got to follow your heart
...............................
|
