A
female
age
36-40,
*istawolf
writes:Hey there, I was in an intense relationship for nearly two years. My ex and I had known each other as friends for about six months before we started dating. We got along great, our relationship was normal and happy for the first six months. He was a heavy drinker, but it was getting out of hand. He started to be controlling, such as not liking my guy friends. Soon it turned into my girl friends. We had a few fights but one fight it was violent. We made up but it happened a few more times. I wasn't happy but I loved him. Because he was a good guy like 80% of the time when he was sober. One night we went out to my co-workers house and he got mad and the cops were called... he was in jail for a month and i had no contact.We ended up reconnecting and it was great despite the fact he held it over my head that i never visited or wrote in that month. We had a great six months together again, no fighting and very little drinking. One of our big arguments was that I drank for fun and he drank to drink but could never admit he was an alcoholic.We moved into an apartment together and things were good but when we got our own place his drinking spiraled out of control again and we fought often. i was 20, he was 23 and he would leave me stuck at home to go out to bars and would be bothered if i wanted to go out with friends.one night we got in a fight and both were sent to jail. i was angry and my ex boyfriend who had broken my heart 3 years before called me and asked if i was okay and that he wanted see me. In my vulnerable state I cheated on my current boyfriend at the time.He and I reconciled but struggled it move out of the apartment and fought over the dog. He went to jail a second time for violence and I cheated on him again with my ex. We'd text message and maybe see eachother once a month. The third time the police were called they took me to jail a second time. It took me 3 months but I finally moved in where I live now. I had the courage to end it in October because he didn't like my room mate who is also a good friend. I slept with my ex shortly after.Now I miss my recent ex, we were together for almost two years and even through all the bad I miss him. I called him and we hung out for an hour and I told him I slept with my ex. He told me to never talk to him again.It hurt so bad! After going to jail he ended it over something I did when we were broken up? He didn't want to be with me anymore, even after I was ready to forgive him for everything!I went crazy and emailed him and called.I then stopped for a few days and then we talked through email for several hours. He said he couldn't be with me.I emailed this morning and he said he changed his mind, that he does love me and want to be with me... he said he just needs time to clear his head, then we can talk.It made me happy but why can't I remember the bad?Why is it always on his terms?Am I the worst one for sleeping with my ex? How do you feel about that?All my friends and family say no, don't talk to him but I just want to follow my heart. It took two months to realize I miss him and now I'm a wreck. He said he is talking to someone and of course that freaked me out more!
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alcoholic, co-worker, in jail, moved in, my ex, roommate, text, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (23 December 2009):
This sounds quite sad, I completely understand where your coming from except for the cheating. You should never cheat period, at least break it off then go do it. No matter who does what, you can't justify cheating and no one wants to be with someone who has cheated. So keep that in mind. I went through a rough one myself, I put myself in her way to try and calm her and help her. However, it never worked out that way. I took a break from 4 1/2 year because of trust issues and anger and abuse. You love them even with their faults but you need to step away for yourself and them. Time tells all. You can't let your emotions be involved in this. Sometimes being alone in the only way. I'm sorry, I'm going through the struggle also.
A
female
reader, sstochl +, writes (23 December 2009):
I know how you feel. I was in a long relationship with someone that was abusive and also had a drinking problem. I never went to jail but he did for a domestic. He did it many times before I filed anything. And after the domestic we worked out things. But he never changed. He even choked me once after we got back together. I know your heart says be with him... But has he showed he changed? You can't help you love, I know that because I still love My guy as well. But he has to show you that he changed. If it means getting help, then so be it. Don't go back to him unless there's change. Otherwise it will happen again. Trust me I know.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 December 2009):
Just never go back to this guy. Can't you see he has destroyed you? You're not the worst one here. But if you go back, you'll end up back in jail, or you'll end up beaten up or something. You must not follow your heart this time, or for the rest of your life you will have nothing but misery. Get away from him.
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