A
female
age
41-50,
*ovesux31
writes:I am trying to date to try to get over my last relationship.. I know that they say finish a chapter before you start another, but I say the only way to get over the last one is to have sex with a new one. Anyway, I am an interracial dater and it is so very hard to find a single white male who likes lightskinned women! I mean I run across many men who date black women, but I guess if they go that way, they want to go all the way.. I don't know what it is! I am built like a black woman and I think that has something to do with it to. I don't weigh 120 lbs, but I am in no way fat.. BUT it seems like white men if they date black women, they want the brown to dark skinned women vs. the lightskinned mixed women! Just my experience, I mean what should I do? Should I try to go back to black men? Black men love the heck out of me, I could be with a black man right now, but I just prefer white men. Nothing against black men, I was just raised by my white mother and thats what I am attacted to. I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 From my pov at the end of the day I really dont give a shit what the race she is nor mix. Its all about two things for me.
1) physical attraction.
2) the person you are.
I'd really like to date a darker girl like that really hot one with the triangle hair style and the orange makeup out of Akons "Beautiful" video clip. Where im from they are pretty rare ... I just can't wait till I go to europe and the US so I can date some of these babes.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 q1605, you crack me up. Sorry about your divorce btw.
In London they understand that people are human, regardless of race... and here in Barçca a similar situation exists. :)
Why even address people by their ´´races,`` we´re all human.
I ´´escaped`` from North Carolina because I was so sick of that shit. I can´t say that 100% of the population is racist, but the vast majority is.
Maybe moving is the answer? Some towns unfortunately suck.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (25 December 2009):
I love cats, and there are some very affectionate, loving cats out there.
Don´t forget dogs, though... millions of them dying in shelters every year when they could have provided love and companionship to someone. :( Ditto for cats... I have one of each and I love them with my whole heart.
If you decide to go the dog route, research the different breeds because, although no dog is born mean per se, all the breeds have different personalities. A German Shepherd is what I have, and the perfect one for me.
A pet of some sort may be just what the doctor ordered. They love you unconditionally.
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female
reader, Lovesux31 +, writes (24 December 2009):
Lovesux31 is verified as being by the original poster of the question q1560 your funny! Give that man some attention ya'll.
I'm sooo agreeing with StarMonster888!!! He feels me, and He's a black man!!!!
Thats it, I need to move to London! lol!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): HI ya
You are right im afraid, white men do prefer i we are going to date black women to date the darker skinned ones. Just as you are right in that black men will prefer you because your light skinned.
The answer to getting around it is to get out there and meet new people, if your going to the same clubs with the same people then how are you gonna meet someone new?
I hear you about being lonely though. What gets me is waking up and looking over and seeing noone there. So we both have to get out there (yes i do take my own advice lol).
ps to the white half of you: we love having you in our race and look forward to seeing you at the gap lol
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female
reader, Lovesux31 +, writes (24 December 2009):
Lovesux31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay Okay! Statistics! HmmmI don't go off of statistics, because when they do statistics, people lie, so that just messes those numbers all up!And well Wikipedia is not fact, I can post anything I want to on there...besides, maybe I'm going off of my own personal perspective with the future being multiracial, but I personally hardly meet anyone who is pure anything! Usually, they have a bit of something mixed in them some where way down the blood line. And it is a Beautiful thing, Mixing up the races cuts out racisim to a certain aspect. The more mixed up that we get, the less you can be racist against others. I mean how are you going to exclude or discriminate against someone if you are mixed up and so is everyone else. Well, then one might have to move on to discrimination against other things, like tall, short, pretty, ugly, light skinned, dark skinned, damn humans.. lol!
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female
reader, Lovesux31 +, writes (24 December 2009):
Lovesux31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh wow, I didn't know so many people would be so sensitive about interracial dating.. (not talking about all people who responded) I don't limit myself I've dated more than just white, The man I used to be completely in love with was Arabian. I've dated Indian, Asian, white, black, mixed, and so on.. Men are Men... Many are dogs,lol but there are a select few who are Good men!
I'm attracted to who I am attracted to and I am not going to date someone who I'm not attracted to, that's just silly.
Ohh and to that person who assumed that I might carry myself as if I'm "Ghetto", I am NOT ghetto, I am actualy versitile. I work in a professional office, college educated..and I can put on my professional voice when needed and when I am with my friends I carry myself completely different, and the same when I am on a date. I carry myself with class. So what if someone is ghetto? why would you assume that I'm ghetto though? Is it because I have black in me? Does ghetto automatically mean that because someone is black? I know many white, asian, hispanic and etc. that you might consider ghetto. But, I'm not even going to go deep into that issue.
All I know is that I am taking some of the good advice to heart. Many people make good points, however, many have not date outside of their race and have not experienced what it is like to date interracially. It's frustrating! So, some begin to assume things.
To the person who told me to get over the mixed thing.. Yes, I am mixed and I don't have to apologize for it, nor am I saying its anything special, However, have you not noticed.. Hardly anyone is purely one race, biracial and multiracial is the future honey.. I'm proud to be biracial... I have a daughter who is 75% white and I have a Daughter who is 75% black.. Love them all the same.. interracial love is a beautiful thing!!
What it all comes down to is preference...My preference is not your preference, however we do have preferences whether its skin color, hair color, length of hair, hieght, weight,etc. Anyone who thinks its bad to prefer one thing over another hmmmmm I'm human, we all do it.. You do it too!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): I'm having a little trouble following your train of thought. You seem to have stated that you cannot find a white man who dates pale skinned women?? I guess you haven't been to the U.K. then?? :)
As a white guy I must say that I have been attracted to a few black girls over the years, but I am immediately turned off if they sound like they are from the hood. If they "axe" me if I am "wif" a "girlfren" then I am immediately turned off and move on. Sorry but I just cannot get past the whole ignorance thing. I like smart saavy women who can stimulate me both physically and mentally. A cute, smart black girl is more attractive to me than a gorgious black girl who sounds and acts like she is from the hood.
Maybe it is the way that you carry yourself that appeals to black men and not white men.
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female
reader, Lovesux31 +, writes (23 December 2009):
Lovesux31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice guys! I want to put a little clarity into what my situation is. I have nothing against black men at all. Now, one person said that I shouldn't exclude men of my own race, so should I identify myself as a black woman when in fact I am half and half? Okay I don't exclude black nor mixed men, BUT everyone has a "type" and my attraction is to mixed or white men. I have the utmost respect for a GOOD black man, but attraction is important, right?? Your so right about the jumping into bed with another to get over the last though.. I know that isn't the responsible thing to do, in fact, I find myself unable to even kiss another man.. So I guess I'm just trying to find the best way to get over the last.. who was a jerk anyway! But I do go to the gym, go out with friends, and all those other things, but when I got to come home to a empty bed, that is when it gets to me! Thanks for the advice though...
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male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 How about you just live your life, and see what happens? There is nothing wrong at all with being single. The world will continue to spin, even if there isn't a man on your horizon.
It seems that you feel a little confused about your racial identity, and you want to fit in somewhere. I wouldnt bother wasting too much time and effort on that subject. WHAT you are isn't vitally important. Showing the world WHO you are is what really makes you attractive.
In love, race and colour doesn't matter to anyone, except for the idiotic and small minded few on both sides who would never date outside of their own skin colour. Try not to focus on colour, look at the man himself. If he ticks enough of your boxes, go for it. If he doesn't, you can always find someone else who simply wants you for sex, right?
But being with someone just for the sake of forming one half of a couple means nothing. It shows you are settling for what you can get, instead of holding out for a man who loves you for you.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (23 December 2009):
There´s nothing wrong with dating someone of a different race, or the same race.
I gather from your post that your mum is white, but your dad is black? I imagine that loads of white men would be attracted to you. I have a cousin who is much whiter than I am and he loves black women. It´s impossible to generalize and say that no white men like lightskinned women, they´re out there.
What I´m concerned about is that you say that having sex with someone new is the best way to get over a prior relationship. That sounds to me like a rebound relationship. You need to heal before you initiate a relationship with a new person, because you can´t enter a new relationship with baggage and expect it to work, that just isn´t healthy.
When you are ready for a relationship, then I would focus on the content of a man´s character and not his skin color... I´m plagiarizing, I know. But, it´s the truth. If there is mutual chemistry, then there is mutual chemistry... you should date someone because you are attracted to him and not because he is a particular skin colour.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): actually they are all right.let love and man find you not you looking for love and for man..just wait for the right time and the right man either white or black..what matters most is you loved and respect that guy as well as you respect and love yourself..=)
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (23 December 2009):
I also agree with the below posts.
Its also funny though how dark likes light and light likes dark. there is a saying ive heard: "once you go black, you never go back" or "once you go white, you know its done right" either way it dosent really matter, all that matters is the person and if you like him, go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): Well this is quite an interesting situation.
You are right in that white men (like me) want to date black women, but in truth its not really racialy based. We just want to be with people that care about us, just like you.
What im bothered with is that you are fixating on race rather than the person, as the old sayig goes "theres a special someone for everyone". What if your perfect man is eskamo or indian or even african? Will you sidestep them? Thats the best way to end up unhappy.
So if this black guy that you mentioned is a good un then go for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): If you prefer white men, than you have Somthing against black men, u dont know what, but if you Prefer, its somthing.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (23 December 2009):
I agree with Satindesire. But once you go back to dating, my advice is: fall in love with a person, not a colour. I am attracted to men of all races as long as they are respectful and have all the qualities that I like. Plenty of white men date mixed women all the time. And there are also plenty of great black guys too. It still amazes me how only in the US are people still fixated on race; the rest of the world has evolved!! I guess your historical legacy still has a powerful effect even today. If you are adamant about your choice of race then why not try online dating; www.cupidmedia.com has niche dating sites. But I really encourage you to try be open minded about other races. And dont jump from bed to bed; just enjoy making friends first and heal yourself first. Men of all races prefer women who respect themselves.
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