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age
30-35,
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writes: Well,now I have another dilema.I want to get over my teacher and feel that another guy would help.He's 18 and can drive iv known him for 5 years and he proposed that we have some 'fun',I'm up for it or at least would be if my sister hadn't given him a blow job 3 years ago.I know that he only wants sex as that's what's he's about and even though I'm a virgin I'm fine with it as I don't starngely enough feel that its important to love the person you lose your virginity.as long as you want them to have it then its fine.so I guess I'm just asking is it wrong to want someone knowing that its forrbidden? And how can I get someone that my age or around my age that hasn't been contected to my sister,it seems like whatever guy I want is off limits,maybe that's just it,maybe I'm attracted to guys that are off limits and so I will never be lucky in love :(
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male
reader, df30  +, writes (14 April 2010):
Bad move, sex should mean something, think about this what are other guys in your future going to think about your previous sex with this nonimportant guy? I found out about my girlfriend who i love sooo much and her previous hook up, (some dude at a party who she didn't even really like and believe he is a dousche bag) and it took me forever to get over that. It would be really nice and very special to lose your virginity to someone you truly love and care about but more importantly someone who cares about you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 I had sex for the first time at 17 too, and with a friend of mine. We weren't in love and there were no feelings. At least prior to the sex, after it I experienced myself becoming clingy and wanting more. I didn't even realize what was happening to me emotionally, I guess. When I look back upon it it seems clear that I got attached to him even if I didnt originally feel a thing for him. So I think it is fine to have sex with someone without feelings being involved, but know that it can be a tricky thing to balance. Also know that using one guy to get over another rarely works, you'll just be wishing the guy you are with would be someone else. But like I said before, the ocean is full of fish and you will most definitely meet someone who is not off limits. Just keep your eyes open to whats infront of your nose.
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female
reader, medha  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 HiYes, who you lose your virginity to is really important. First, there should be enough trust and chemistry between the two. (Not merely for emotional reasons but also biological). Also, who you give yourself to for the first time, will be with you for the rest of your life. Now, don't say it won't because it will. And well, to sleep with someone who is only about sex is great, if you think you can handle the morning after... and it won't be as easy as you think it is gonna be. Also, anyone who has experienced this will tell you that the best kind of sex happens when it is not sex but rather making love. Which means, the best thing is to be in love. Well, wait for it is my advice, but if you gotta... then just be sure that you understand exactly what you are taking on (or rather taking in)... and be prepared. And I am not just talking about contraception!love
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): I lost mine at 17. I believe u get very attached to the first person u sleep with and just doing it to get over somone or just because u can shouldn't be the reason. If you WANT to do it and it feels right there and then , then that's when. Trust me I thort about just having sex with another person to get over my first love and the boy I lost it 2 but I kno I'll regret it. X
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo my sister has only slept with one person but she was involved with him-i just ment that it seem like I like her guys that are clearly off limits and older guy I.e teachers,that are most definately off limits.and yeah this guy does know I'm a virgin
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): The guy I lost my virginity with didn't mean anything to me what so ever and it was a one off. Also, I was very young. You have to remember the person you lose your virginity to you'll remember for the rest of your life. I've been regretting who I lost my virginity ever since I done it because I met someone I loved and wished it was him.I think you will regret it, I wouldn't do it if I was you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 April 2010):
Are you saying your sister has been with every guy in town? Listen, as you grow older you definitely will find a man for you that is not off limits.
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (13 April 2010):
You will remember whoever you lost your viginity to for the rest of your entire life!
That sounds rather important to me =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): You don't use another guy to get over someone else, and you definitely don't want to use sex as a way to get over someone else. While it may not be necessary to love the first person you have sex with, there should at least be some mutual respect. Do you think a guy who has already been with your sister is going to respect you? Is your self-esteem so low that you don't respect yourself enough to think you deserve better?
If you really do have a thing for guys who are unavailable, you are certainly setting yourself up for a lifetime of being used and hurt by men. Get to the root of this attraction before you become sexually active.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Well think about it this way.
Let's say you wait to have sex until you find someone who you really love. Then you have sex with them. That doesn't guarantee that you'll be with them forever. I waited until I was twenty to lost my virginity, and it was to the first person I ever loved or trusted. We aren't together anymore, and we were together for almost two years. There are times that I wonder if I regret what I did, but deep down, I didn't. I really did care for him at the time, and I still do now in a way. But I really do think I would have regretted it if I lost it to someone I didn't care for. There were plenty of instances before that where I could have had sex with guys I was casually seeing, but I didn't.
So my personal belief is that you should wait until you find someone that you at least care about. Sex is something that's still important, and it can still mean a lot between two people. Your sister hasn't been with everyone in the world, so I'm sure you'll find someone that she hasn't been with that you also happen to like. Just hold out a bit and see what's in store for you before making a rash decision.
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female
reader, ashermy +, writes (13 April 2010):
The reason why most people say "love the person you lose it to" is because of this thing called virgin baggage. I'm sure you've heard of it, and yeah, it's true for a lot of girls. I have had a lot of guy friends that had a crazy ex due to this crazy phenomenon. My opinion doesn't really matter but take my advice and don't just give it up to someone that you don't give a shit about. I was 15 when I lost my virginity to a boy I had been dating for almost a year and thought I loved. After we broke up a year later I did the whole friend hookup thing, and guess what? You feel this connection with someone that doesn't really exist because all it was is sex. And what it comes down to is this, you thought that having sex with someone you didn't feel anything about would make you feel better about losing someone you cared about but all it did was leave you with an empty and meaningless fling. Honey, if you want that, go for it. Btw, does the guy you are going to have sex with know you're a virgin?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): You are trying to get over someone else.
There is a connection to your sister.
It is perhaps best if you don't loose your virginity to this man as you are doing it for the wrong reasons and there is a link to your sister. You might feel okay about it now, but there is a chance of you regretting it later on. It will be much more satisfying if you wait until you find someone who cares for you and doesn't just want sex.
If you want someone then I suggest you go out and join classes or take part in an activity that interests you where you can meet like minded people. Nothing dictates that you should only settle for people in your circle who are 'off limits'.
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (13 April 2010):
 In all honesty, I lost mine when I was 17 to a boyfriend that in the grand scheme of things I didn't really care much about anyway. We had sex after 2 months and split up after 6. But I don't regret it, I mean, if you actually enjoy first time sex then you're really lucky because it's normally rubbish!
I think it's fine to have sex with someone you don't love as long as a. You are being safe and b. neither of you are expecting anything to become of the sex i.e. a relationship. However, some people become attached to a person after they sleep with them. Do you think this would happen to you?
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