A
female
age
30-35,
*shermy
writes:The situation is fairly complicated. I work as much as I can (which is tough since I work at a place that is on a call in/needed basis) and I'm a full time student. As of right now I've been living between my house and my boyfriend's apartment. I pay $400 a month to rent my house with two other girls, and utilities are about $200 on top of the rent. Plus I pay for my own food, gas, and insurance. Also, one of my roommate's is an absolute jerk so the other roommate and I avoid her as much as possible because we can't stand her and her paranoia. I haven't met anyone so self centered in my life. Well, when taking these things into consideration I had two options for the second semester, I could commute thirty minutes to and from my job, five days a week, or stay with my boyfriend at his place and commute three minutes to and from work five days a week. On top of that my boyfriend WANTED me to stay with him. And so I changed job locations and I love the location, the people I work with, and my relationship was working out really well, we hadn't argued in over three months. One night when I went upstairs into my boyfriends room I overheard his roommate tell my boyfriend "Now we've talked about this, she can't stay here this often." I had been urging my boyfriend to let his roommate know what the situation was so he wouldn't get upset so I was upset about the comment. I asked my boyfriend what he meant and apparently his roommate "Joe" didn't like how much time my boyfriend "Matt" and I spent together the semester before. By the way, we spent the majority of our time together at MY house, so it's not like we were bothering him or anything. So after a couple weeks Joe texted him about how it was getting ridiculous that I was there all the time. I finally convinced Matt to talk to him about my situation and how it had been Matt's idea, urging me to stay with him. He did and Joe just ended it without being convinced. I understand but at the same time I don't understand. I understand how he probably wants to hang out with my bf without me there but my boyfriend doesn't even want to really hang out with him because he's been such a prick about the whole thing. I don't understand because: 1) He's eaten probably over $100+ of my food without asking 2) If Matt and I have leftovers for dinner we'll ask him to join us 3) I take showers with my boyfriend to save energy (we don't have sex in the shower btw) 4) I barely go downstairs when he's home, and literally the only time I do is when Matt is home and we're eating dinner 5) If I'm alone in Matt's room and Matt's in class or something, I don't use the bathroom because I don't want to run into Joe 6) If I get out of work early and Matt's working or in class I will wait how ever long it takes before he gets out, which is sometimes 4 to 5 hours long. I just don't get it, I'm not in his face, I eat my own food, I hardly see him, what the hell is his problem with me?? He won't even say anything to me when I'm downstairs and as soon as I go upstairs he'll have a whole conversation with Matt. It's really aggravating and stressful and I'm starting to blame it on Matt because I feel as though he put me in this situation and he doesn't do anything to fix it. I have 3-4 weeks left of class before I go back home for the summer (home is 2 hours away), what should I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 There is an easy way to find out. The poster lives in the states, and each state has different laws. But there are pages online that list up the laws for tenants and landlords in each state. I suggest then that this couple read their contract first and then read the state law.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): "The roommate has really no business with how many he shares the place with, to reply to the anon poster. He signed up for his room, not for the other persons room, so the other person can have as many people there as he pleases."
Actually, he did not sign up for a room, he signed up for an APARTMENT. This includes the expectation that he should have reasonable enjoyment of his own space.
"I advice to read the contract so you know your "rights" here, and then to just ignore him. "
A lease is considered a legally binding contract, in this case, a contract between the boyfriend, his roommate and the landlord. She's not on the lease, so she has no "rights" in this case. Furthermore, when the lease was signed it was signed under the pretext that there would be two inhabitants, not three. Depending on the terms of their lease, their landlord can consider it a violation of the lease if a third individual moves in, regardless of whether or not this person pays a portion of the rent. If Joe really wanted to be nasty about things, he could file a complaint with the landlord. Instead, he is addressing the issue with his roommate, which is the proper way to handle the situation. There is no need to confront the poster about anything because this is a problem he needs to work out with his roommate.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 April 2010):
Hi again hijacked. I took it that the electricity bill was not included in the monthly payment. Well if it was at any rate it would be fixed. But as it normally is the electricity bill comes separately, and I feel that she has to pay her one third of this bill, yes. But not one third of the rent. And as for laws on how many people may stay in one room, I dont think there are any. Of course he could sue when too many people becomes an inconvenience, but Im not sure if he'd have a valid case. Like I said before, best to check the contract and see what it says, contracts vary from place to place. Not to mention country to country. In Norway when you rent a place you are allowed to have however many people living there as you please. Landlords are not allowed to kick them out on that basis.
But back to the original question, I dont think the room-mate dislikes her because she uses so much electricity. If so wouldn't he have been complaining about getting money from her? But what he has complained about instead is her physical precence? Plus she offered to pay and her boyfriend said no, but apparently the room-mate has been in contact with her boyfriend on more occasions about this, so if it was about money I assume her boyfriend would have accepted her offer?
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (14 April 2010):
 "And to hijacked dignity, she doesnt need to pay any rent as long as her boyfriend pays his rent. "
Incorrect.
Her and her boyfriend are two people. That means that he cannot cover her living expenses. It's logical really. He's paying the same amount he did when she didn't live there. So basically she is living there for free with no charge. This is unfair. And with an extra person comes extra charges, which the roommate is also stuck paying for. More electricity and her food is being kept cool by HIS power.
"Her boyfriend is allowed to bring whoever he wants to live there with him, precicely because he pays his share of the rent."
Also incorrect. I believe that this guy could really do something about it if he has a serious problem. Under this logic, her boyfriend could bring his entire family to move in and the payment plans would be the same as if there were only TWO people living there. That's just wrong. Unless she's sitting in the dark all day, not using internet or tv, and not using their appliances, water, etc, the roommate is suffering financially because she is staying there. Their contract or lease was made under the pretenses that they would be the only two living there. This could be a COURT matter. That's great and all the boyfriend is being loyal to his girlfriend, but he's basically screwing over his roommate in the process.
I would look up some contract law if I were you. This guy has every right to be upset.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 April 2010):
The roommate has really no business with how many he shares the place with, to reply to the anon poster. He signed up for his room, not for the other persons room, so the other person can have as many people there as he pleases. If he is at all annoyed it must be because he is used to being alone without girls around.And to hijacked dignity, she doesnt need to pay any rent as long as her boyfriend pays his rent. Her boyfriend is allowed to bring whoever he wants to live there with him, precicely because he pays his share of the rent. And even if she does move in with her boyfriend permanently, she is only required to pay half of the rent her boyfriend already pays, not a third of it, because she does not have her own room. But I suggest everyone involved sits down and reads the contract for the lease to be absolutely sure what the exact conditions are. Joe can always move if he doesnt like it.As for the problem he has with you, who knows why he doesnt like you. Maybe he can't stand your face out of no particular reason, or maybe you leave hairs around and he keeps getting them stuck in his socks. It could be anything, but most likely he's just not a very flexible person and hasn't adjusted to you being there, nor does he want to adjust. I advice to read the contract so you know your "rights" here, and then to just ignore him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Actually, you know what... I read some of the other replies to this, and I am actually in the same position as "Joe".I never complained to my roommate about her boyfriend spending time here. But he basically LIVES here, in her room. He showers every day, and they, together, hog the withband to the internet -.-. Then they expect me to move my car to the street since he doesn't have a resident sticker. I accommodate. I deal.Then he has the audacity to flip when I accidently through out their bread. In my room! In my space!I don't even communicate with my roommate and so it is really intimidating to confront her when it is basically TWO AGAINST ONE.He doesn't pay a portion of anything. For all I know, he could be paying a portion of my roommates half.I wouldn't mind if he stays here permanently if he just contributed. That is what you NEED to do. Hijacked Dignity said it all!
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A
female
reader, ashermy +, writes (13 April 2010):
ashermy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies but as it turns out I think I'm just going to have to work this out myself. I am unwilling to talk to someone like Joe who is the one who can't confront me about the problem. My lease is up in a month so I can't move out of my house and into their apartment, plus when I told my boyfriend that I could pay something he refused me.
To anonymous: I have the same job but I transferred three times. The first time from the place around my parents house, to the closest place to my school(my house is 4 minutes walking distance from campus, work was 30 minutes away), to the location closest to my boyfriend's apartment (which is a 40 minute commute from my house and school but I only have class 3 days a week). My boyfriend was the one who suggested I move although I was highly skeptical because he was trying to be a nice guy. I am wrong for being upset at him but it's very frustrating. Also it's really REALLY hard going to school full time, working full time, and trying to find a new job...especially when I'm not staying here over the summer.
Even though it sucks, I'm going to compromise and stay at my house more. Thank again for your comments.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): I can understand the roommate's point of view. He signed a lease expecting to live with one other person, not two. You should respect Joe's request and not expect him to inconvenience himself to accommodate you. You might think you are not in the way, but he feels otherwise. Since it's his home, too, he has a right to be able to enjoy his home without your constant presence.
If you only have 3-4 weeks left, you'll just have to suck up the commute. And for the record, Matt didn't put you in this situation; you made a choice to live 30 minutes away from your job. You can't expect him to create a bad relationship with the person he lives with just to make your life easier.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (13 April 2010):
I actually totally understand where the roommate is coming from.
Listen, you're not paying to live there right? Yet you are spending all your time over there. It's not right that you spend that much time and you don't have to pay a portion of the rent. I'm sorry, but you can try to conserve all the energy you want, but you're still using electricity and energy every time you cook or watch tv. There is no way that a person can live somewhere and not contribute to utilities ever.
Plus you're benefiting living in the apartment, yet not having to pay any dues. You are like a roommate who doesn't have to pay. You can try to argue that you sleep in your boyfriend's room, but you are still living there. Thus, you should have to pay a portion of the rent. I would really consider moving out of your other house and moving in with your boyfriend if this is how things are going to be. And when you move in with your boyfriend, you should be required to pay a portion of the rent. It's silly to be paying for another house anyway if you aren't even living there.
So know that his roommate has every right to be angry, and I'm pretty sure that he can do something about it lease-wise if he really gets pushed to the limit. I would be pretty upset if my roommate's partner was constantly staying the night and not paying anything to contribute. If you don't pay, you don't stay (for extended amounts of time). Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Your boyfriend probably hasn't said anything to his roommate because he's too scared or doesn't wanna get kicked out. I would confront the roommate yourself about the issue, and ask him exactly why he has a problem with you staying there. Maybe you and your boyfriend should look for youw own property.
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A
female
reader, Ilovemyoreo2010 +, writes (13 April 2010):
 i say u enjoy what time u have left with ur bf instead of being mad at him. altho maybe u should try to talk to the joe guy about why he dont like u. it could just be a big misunderstanding possibly he thinks something happend between the two of u at some point and u ignored him. maybe he likes u and dont like to see u hangin on ur bf. this is why they say 3 is a crowd.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Don't be mad at your boyfriend. He is probably trying to mediate best as possible. Especially with you being so accomodating and not in Joe's space, the only real tension is just built up in silence. You need to pull Joe aside and talk to him. Be calm, cool, and collect. Just tell him you don't understand why he has a problem with you being there and explain all the things you do to keep peace and out of his way, as you understand it is his and matt's place before it became yours as well. Also state how understand if he is bothered by you because your occupying all of matt's time, but otherwise you don't see what you could possibly be doing so wrong to bother him. Don't try to argue just ask him to talk, you want to initiate peace.
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