A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out that my ex-boyfriend (mid 30s) was in contact with a Japanese lady (at least 30yo) he hooked up with on a business trip before we became official. He met her on the internet before his trip because he wanted someone to show him around in Tokyo as Japanese people barely speak English. But he slept with her twice. We became official after he came back and he did STI test before we started sleeping together so I'm fine with this part. But then he was still in contact with this lady, he said they exchange email maybe twice a month (for about 6 months since he came back), that lady's English is not very good. The only email I saw was one my bf sent to her, he had just one line "Attached are pictures from XX (a country he just traveled in) as promised. Kisses."I'm of course very angry, and my bf explained that he simply didn't want to behave like someone who "used" that girl, and he knows that she's living with her parents in a very small apartment in Tokyo so if she wanted to keep in touch, he just replied and tried to be nice. I told him this is not right as he gave that girl fake hope. He said he agreed and sent her an email saying it was nice to meeting her in Japan but the possibility they'd be together was zero, that he'd like to know more about her travel but that's all. He "bcc"-ed that email to me.For some other reasons we're not in a relationship anymore, in fact the day he emailed that lady, we were not together anymore. So I should believe the email is genuine (the email address looks like a Japanese address). And I don't think they've met again. We are still friends now, but when I think about this, I'd always wonder what exactly happened between them. Does what he said sound genuine to you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): It was probably casual sex.. what kind of site did he meet her on?
i would be curious too but the fact that your not together you should just let it go..
and as for the email he sent to her thats well out of order because regardless of if they had a bit of fun, why did he still have the pics and when ye became official that girl should have been forgotten about his line about using her was lame, thats sex and life get over this guy is not ready to settle down with anyone he sounds like a player your better off without him
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 I doubt there was any emotional affair. That would be difficult through email communications with someone who speaks very little of your language. Very difficult.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 He is your ex unless your trying to patch things up with him it shouldn't really matter to you if this is genuine or not since what should matter to you is that he cheated on you to begin with.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 It doesnt matter, hes not that 'part' of your life anymore.let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): ^Thanks! I'm the OP.
The thing is, now we're 7000 miles away (this is why we're not together anymore), he found it hard to be exclusive and I also think it's a better idea to hang things up for a while. I'm moving to his city after two years (because of work), and both of us now are kind of "maintaining" the friendship just to keep the door open. In fact we still talk almost everyday on Skype.
Even I'm seeing some other people casually on and off, and I believe he's doing the same-probably sleeping with some of them, we're still being close in a way. So what happened in the past sometimes may come out and I can't help but be curious if he had an emotional affair, or it's just as what he said. I still consider a possible future with this guy so this somehow becomes a problem.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 December 2010):
You get what you want, and it's still not enough. Why does it matter? You're not together anymore.
To me, it sounds genuine, but ultimately it doesn't matter. He's a part of your past, so where are you going from here?
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