A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to be his accountant but he told me they are also friends,they around the same age group, he is older than me, when my bf did his housewarming get together he invited me and my family plus his family and friends including her, I got a bad vibe when I saw her trying to get her nose in everything in the house, lime she was trying to win over his family, bring all the things, food, etc, I saw clearly that she was trying to get his attention all the time.This girl is always messaging him, telling him her problemsAbout her adopted kids, family issues, she even send him a text asking him if he was free at night so they can go out, my boyfriend is very noble, good person and wins a good salary, i told him the day after the housewarming party that I did not lime her at all. This woman even wanted to be his roommate in the new house he bought, she wanted to live in a bedroom efficiency type, mind you this woman has like 4-5 adopted kids.I recently saw some of the messages she sends him, and she seems desperate for his attention, always initiating contact with him, they used to text through whatsapp but now they text more through normal text message, but this past weekend we went to disney and he had told her, we left on friday and that same day in the afternoon she texts him on whatsapp and says : “”hi what are you doing” in spanish and my boyfriend saw the message but did not reply, so i guess she saw that, and then on sunday she text him again saying: wow you dont say hi anymore, ok. And thats it.I wonder why he did not reply her? And why in some of the previous messages that she has been asking him if they can hang out, he tells her he is too busy, that he has too much work, and he has brushed her off a couple of times as i saw in the messages.I wonder if this girl is the problem? I think she is obsessed with him, or likes him too much.what is going on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2018): You are extremely insecure and don't trust your boyfriend, is that called for? Or is it just that you are so insecure you see every other woman as a threat?
If he is a businessman he will have dealings with people, male or female, this woman he seems to be close to, but it doesn't mean they are having an affair, surely the fact he allows you to see the messages and is not being secretive about her is an indication it is above board?
My ex was friends with his ex and I was too, we all hung out together, there was seriously no dramas with it, I reiterate, you are very insecure and no doubt territorial about your man and who he mixes with, it's not good
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 September 2018):
 What is going on with you, sweetheart? I did think your post sounded familiar but decided to take it on face value, rather than waste time wading through previous posts. Thankfully other aunts have better memories.
As the "other woman" changes in the story, either you are lonely and have nothing better to do than troll a site like this, or you truly fear that every woman with whom your boyfriend has professional dealings is after his body. Perhaps you have little else in your life to occupy your thoughts, hence they run riot in your brain and turn into worries?
I am sorry you are so unhappy and insecure. I really don't think your boyfriend, or the "other women", are the problem here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): Instead of writing DC and asking for the equivalent of a crystal ball, you are never going to get a definite answer. The only way to find out the truth is to investigate. Hire a P.I, put a tracker on his car, follow him, put a spy app on his phone. If you think he's cheating, get the evidence and then leave him. At least then you'll finally have peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 This is a forum where people ask for advice and then they follow up on there post. But you don't do that. You keep writing in time and time again about the same problem but you change it up every time maybe in hope you will get the answers that you are looking for, but at the end off the day you need to be honest with yourself. If you are not going to take anybodies advice then there really is no point in continuing to write the same story in different variations.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 September 2018):
 Is this the same story that you wrote in about a while back?
Except she was the Realtor?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-overreacting-or-is-there-something-going.html
Changing up the story.... altering details... might get the answer you want... but not what you might need.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Your accountant has knowledge of all your accounts, banking info, credit cards, SSN, and all your past tax files. She has too much information in her needy little hands; and she's obviously got a thing for him. She knows how much he earns, and his earning-potential! She believes she has dibs!
You are picking-up on a questionable-relationship here. Too much chit-chat going-on for a professional-arrangement. What does he care about her personal-life and kids? Why did she go adopt a brood of kids with no help? If she can't handle them, why is that any of his business? Is she an ex, or what?
She has no business at family-functions, or anything else; now that he has a girlfriend. She has way too much personal-information at her disposal; which gives her the leverage to do some serious damage, if she is rejected or scorned. If she was purely professional; she would not be texting him for any reason other than business! If he is paying her for her professional services, that is. If it's all for freebies? Not good! Not good for you! She expects something in return!
Knowing he is now in a committed romantic-relationship; she should voluntarily and respectfully back-off. He should have dealt with whatever connection they have beyond friendship; before asking you to be his girlfriend. They seem to have unfinished-business, of a different sort. You should never get too "personally-involved" with people you pay for professional-services. This is what happens. They'll decide to get too personally-involved in your relationships and other matters.
I don't go for three-ways, or chummy third-parties when I commit myself to someone. I'm not insecure, quite the contrary. I have rules. I don't subject myself to situations that I have to go snooping around. Being suspicious about what's going on between my mate and somebody else?
It's my preference to bow-out gracefully. If I'm getting in the way, I don't intrude. I just exit the situation. If he doesn't have the balls to end the personal-contacts; and place a professional-distance between them at this point. You're sharing your man. The more she is ignored, the more her calls will escalate. Tell-tale signs they may have been intimate at some point. As I'm sure, you already suspect!
You have the option to stay, and close the triangle; or you can just go. How much time does it take to fix this?
You don't get to change anything; because it's really up to him to show you and his relationship, the proper respect.
As soon as you were an official couple; his responsibility was to announce to everyone that he is now committed. Boundaries are then set for all the previous single lady-friends in his life. He's off the market. Her most of all! Beginning with contact-restrictions.
She's female, and by no means would she have some other woman calling her man whenever she pleases. So this is showing you where she stands with you.
She is going to be a wedge. She's holding it over his stupid-head that she's got the goods; and all his files are steps away from a shredder! Before you came along, there was more going on than numbers and calculators.
Your man is performing the typical "play the stupid-guy in the middle" act. Like he doesn't know what to do. He does, but won't! So how can you trust him? He has to earn trust.
This is how you pull it off. You pretend you're not aware that anything is wrong, and it's totally innocent. You don't change a thing. All the while, getting calls, hiding messages; and she's blowing-up his phone!
It's all about his ego! It makes a guy feel like a stud to have two women competing over you. It also establishes with both of you; he still has an option between you, if one of you doesn't behave herself. That's why I don't abide by chummy-exes, excessively clingy-friends, or ex-spouses who forget they're divorced. I never break this rule.
I'm not 16, and I don't fight-over people! They come to me, untethered!
It's your decision whether this will workout. You may stay, or leave. She's got him by the balls! He's showing no signs of setting any boundaries; so it's your move!
Men and women don't think alike. So perhaps you feel staying is better, and you'll fight for him. Come freely and willingly without baggage or issues; or get out of my life!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Youcannotbeserious well, he did in fact answer her yesterday and told her sorry that he had been in the disney parks til late and plus his battery was dead and then he invited her to eat to thereby talk about business, she said she couldn’t cause she was going to go out with her cousin and her cousins husband and he replied “ok you let me know. If not tomorrow ( which he meant today) cause they talked yesterday (tuesday).
Should I talk to him about all of this with honesty or wait til I see if
Something is really happening?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 Well I wouldn't worry. While she's obviously interested in him... Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out... He's not. And that's what is important here.
Look you can't stop someone from falling for you or looking at you a certain way. However, as long as your boyfriend knows his limits, is loyal to you and won't ever cheat on you, you can sleep safe at night in the comfort that all is well in your world.
Let the other woman do or say what she wants, you can't stop her. Your boyfriend is not interested in her and is doing his best to keep her at an arms length. That's all that matters.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 September 2018):
Whatever is going on with HER doesn't really matter as HE is not taking her up on it. My guess is he does not want to fall out with her because she is his accountant, but neither does he want a closer friendship with her than he has already, hence why he makes excuses when she wants to "hang out" and doesn't initiate contact, just replies.
In your shoes I would concentrate on keeping your relationship happy and healthy, then this woman (she is not a girl, as you call her) will not make you feel so insecure.
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