A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm been with my bf for a year and half. He lives with his mum still and now built a cabin in his mums garden and says he plans to stay there. I am not happy about staying there with no bathroom, kitchen, space for my things but he says I am stuck up for wanting basic things. Am I being unreasonable? I just want to live away from his mum in our own place. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): When I first saw this I thought, 'I get that' saves money etc. But then I saw the toilet bit. So everytime you need toiket/shower or to cook you have to go back in his mum's house? Hell no! Esp the toilet! That is ridiculous to expect you do that
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 Of course not . You are a normal human being, - not a rake or a shovel or a spade, so you know that your place is NOT in a garden shed.
Your wish to live with your man in a place fit for human beings is perfectly normal and legitimate. This does not mean, though, that it will come true , because it sounds like he does not want to make it come true. He helps mom with rent, and showers , eats , etc. at hers- he just built a little " love shack " for a bit of privacy when you come over…
I think he is just playing dumb- he does not really think that your requests are unreasonable. I think he can imagine very well that ANY grown up woman would like , say, freshen up after sex without having to parade in her bathrobe or towel through the garden. But for him it's more convenient this way and it's easier if you make do with the garden shed.
I'd say that he is a very selfish person- if it wasn't for the fact that maybe he really can't afford to leave . He splits rent with his mother, if he lives she would be sort of up the creek without a paddle; she should take in somebody else and it's not easy to adjust to share your place with strangers when you are in your 60s or older and never did it before. In fact , it's a nightmare, so maybe your boyfriend wants to spare that to his mother.
Unluckily I can't see many chances of this situation evolving positively. You can convince him that yours is a reasonable request (… come on, he knows it already !, unless he is a savage; does he know many couples who voluntarily choose to live in a garden shed , no running water, no furniture etc ?! ) , but still you may not be able to convince him to fulfill your request.
This , alas, is one more case to show how " love " is not everything to keep people together. There needs to be also compatibility, a shared vision of HOW life should be lived , and where .
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 No you are not stuck up for wanting to have a place together. However this man doesn't seem to want the same thing as you. He is happy and content living in the cabin, being close to his mother and helping her with her rent. If he is not willing to budge on this and meet you in the middle then this might be the reason the relationship won't work. He is not taking in to consideration your happiness as he doesn't see anything wrong with part living with his mother. At forty he is unlikely to change his ways now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (6 September 2018):
 I think you've got to accept the situation as a case of it is what it is. He is content, living life as he choses. You're not stuck up for wanting something different, you just have different wants and needs in life. If he really wanted to be with you, and make you happy, things would be vastly different. After a year and a half, surely you can see it won't be changing. You need to have a good think about this relationship, and where it's heading. If you're content with a part time relationship, accept your BF's choice of where he lives, and sort out your own living arrangements how you want.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): I have a place with friends. I dont want to live seperately. The whole point is to get a place together as I'm not happy continuing living in a cabin on weekends I want a proper place together and all he wants is to stay at his mums in a cabin
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Well he does share rent with his mums house. The cabin has a double bed and TV and woodburner. He is 40 years old and says he can't afford to move out so built cabin for us. I really love this man and I don't know what to do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): I think when he built that cabin, he didn't have you in-mind. It's rent-free!
It seems like you'd be living with the garden tools and the mower.
It's what's called his "private man-cave;" and technically, he still lives with his mommy.
You're over 40! How old is this guy???
What are you complaining about? You don't even have to put-up with this nonsense. He has no plans of leaving home, and he's a mama's boy. If he wanted to live with you; do you think he would have built a doll-house with no running water, shower, or toilet? I'm surprised it's not up in a tree.
If you're going to hang-on to somebody like him; don't fuss and complain.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 No having a house with the SIMPLEST amenities (such as a bathroom and kitchen) is not being stuck up. Sounds like you live in the garden shed, not a house or even cabin....
No one is forcing you to live there though, why not find a place of your own that you can afford?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): I do not think you are "stuck up" just because you are not content with the same meager living situation that he seems to be comfortable with. Don't expect him to give you the things that you want thought. He is obviously happy in his shed in mom's back yard (his mother is seriously ok with this?!? yikes!) and if you want more than that you will have to work for it yourself.Get your own place, and then you two can have a relationship and just not live together. Nothing wrong with this at all. You can run your household as you like, and he does not get a say in that, and he can run his how he wants, and you will need to let him be on that also. Hope this helps, and validates your feelings a bit too. You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. Tell your boyfriend to stop calling you names just because you want a different lifestyle and have different priorities than he does. Best of luckR
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