A
male
age
41-50,
*hlez83
writes:I'm really not asking this because of my sex life,which has tremendously improved. Some of the questions posted today had me thinking. Though i came up with answers i need to hear what other people think. As a man,if your lover doesn't scream during your lovemaking does that mean,you have not satisfied her? Does a woman need to moan and cry during sex to certify that you are satisfying her? In short does the absence of noise from your partner mean that you are not hitting the mark?I've met guys who believe that if a woman doesnt scream for mercy then he'd never sleep with her again.My other question is which one comes first, love or sex? Should you sleep with someone to make them love you or should you wait to love them before having sex with them?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I hate how much noise the women in pornos make! It is distracting. I personally make very little noise and my partner does not make a lot of noise when he cums either. I can assure you that my lack of noise does not equate to a lack of satisfaction.
Regarding the whole love/sex thing. I have had relationships that were fabulous based 100% on lust and I've had amazing relationships based on love. It depends on what you are looking for and how the relationship pans out. I have never had sex with anyone to make them love me and sometimes the sex has been better with friends than it has with the person I happen to be in love with so it depends.
A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 No you do not have to scream to have an orgasm and i just wish the movie industry would stop portraying it as this way. Porn films are also very inaccurate so I hope you aren't taking advice and tips from them. The most notable thing when someone is having an orgasm is that they arch their back and stop breathing for a second as their muscles have tensed. This requires no sound.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Hi, you shouldnt sleep with someone to make them love you. Speaking from experience it never works out. You get to know them first. Most successful relationships start with friends. Take your time go out enjoy your time with this person and the intimacy follows naturally.Its not a problem if your partner doesnt make noise during your lovemaking. Or even if she doesnt reach climax every time. Women are structured very differently to men. It doesnt mean she is not enjoying sex if she isnt wriggling around the bed screaming and scratching. Have you considered romancing her in the build up to lovemaking? Share a bottle of wine with a movie or intimate dinner at home and talk. Maybe discuss sexual fantasies or play a game to excite the mood. A lot of attention, affection and foreplay before you actually make love would have the result you want.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): im a female and i constantly enjoy making love or having sex with my guy,i do not scream loudly and only moan quietly and im totaly satisfied after multiple orgasms and my partner knows this as enjoyment isnt who screams the loudest,but in orgasms in which he was responsible for
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A
male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Well, women are very different when it comes to sex. Some women scream and holler and cry, some women moan and whimper and some women aren't much at being vocal at all. It doesn't mean that you aren't "hitting the mark", it just means that the woman you are with isn't really vocal when having sex, that's all. There are many reasons for women (and men) to not be able to be vocal during sex - one of the main reasons being some type of shyness. Other reasons may be that they aren't wanting to allow others who may be around (kids, other family members, roommates, friends) to hear them making love; as this is a very private act for many people. So, in closing - no, screaming and hollering does not equate to giving a woman pleasure when having sex - it just means that she screams and hollers. One woman I was with years ago only made the subtle sound "ummmm" when we had sex. Never screamed and hollered, but always had an orgasm. So for her, I was hitting the mark without really knowing it.
Your second question: neither comes first. Sex is not necessary to "love" someone and "love" will not get you sex. You can't make someone love you by having sex with them. You can make them lust for you (if the sex was good enough). Sex, by itself, is an act of pleasure. There are millions of people right now probably having sex for the raw and pure pleasure of having sex. (Ever hear of friends with benefits?) However, when you do love someone and have sex with them, it is so much more because emotions are involved and you are more focused on your partner and being with your partner rather than being IN your partner or having your partner IN you.
So no, you don't sleep with someone to MAKE them love you (although some people end up believing they have fallen in love with their sexual partner) and if it's just for sex, you don't need to wait until you love them to have sex. What you should be waiting on is marriage. But those are my beliefs.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Noise during sex does bot mean anything. Some people are more noisy than others.
The BIG problem is many people see things on TV or in movies, including porn and actually believe that is what is normal. Most women do not want sex with another woman, more than one man, hours of intercourse etc. Some might but the majority are happy with what is considered to be average. Actually, I've heard it said that men would be devastated if they knew how little women think about sex or their partners sexual parts. Men on the other hand think about sex, sex organs etc way more often.
You can not make someone love you. Attraction happens before sex. You see a woman somewhere, she gets your attention (attraction) and you make your move. The act of sex depends on what happens after the attraction. Men are probably more capable of having sex based only on attraction while women usually want a better connection.
These are general statements but what I believe to be common.
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