A
male
age
36-40,
*astillian
writes:My love and I have known each other for 5 years now and since day one have had a deep connection. We have been a couple for a year and eight months now. We have had our little break ups and things have been as rocky as they have been beautiful.My girl has been everything to me from best friend to sexual partner and I have become emotional dependent on her. Recently I have made a mistake that really hurt her and caused us to break up for about a week and she tried everything in her power to move on. Despite the fact that we are rebuilding and she is somewhat holding us back with her bitterness I still need her in that way but she seems to be perfectly fine without me. We have started talking again and make love and pretty much do everything we did before. Spending as much time with each other as before seems to be the only thing that is missing physically. I have not only apologized my ass off for what I have done but also made many changes to myself and things in our relationship that she was not pleased with. It was a week we were apart but have shared everything from loss of virginity to pregnancy together. It is hard to believe that after a week she could be so emotionally detached from me....so hard to believe that I am SURE shes doing it on purpose mostly while some of it is genuine. What can I do for the emotional support that she provided for me all this time??? It is hard enough torturing myself trying to please her in every way without barely any appreciation but when I'm in need she doesn't want to be there. What can I do without going to someone else???I have molded myself to her wants which I know it is extreme but she is my motivation for living. She has noted all these things but still is extremely cold and bitter most of the time, which is semi understandable, despite the fact that we have a great time together when we see each other. She just seems not to care about me much but still asks for these things and still gets mad at the little things I do like our old relationship.I love her more than anything and would give my life for her in a heart beat. Every guy makes mistakes and I am no exception but how I show her love she and everyone I know has said many times is uncanny. What else can I do to make her break this bitter shell and let us get back to our former glory??????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): What I have learned is that being dependent on someone is unhealthy, and you will never have a satisfying relationship when you admit that you need her, she is your motivation to live, you conform to her wants and so on and so forth. Girls are un-attracted to needy guys, simple as that. You have to break it off, improve your own life, and forget about girls for awhile. When your life is on track and you exude self-confidence and inner calm and peace, girls will be attracted to you again. Your young, and this relationship may have run its beautiful course....it was amazing and you learned alot. Now think about yourself and how you take that information you learned and apply it to making yourself a better person which in turn will bless someone else down the road when you find love again, which you most definately will
Good luck my friend and pm me if you want more info.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 All the time you date, trust and confidence builds. If one person does something to break the trust, it has to be rebuilt. The rebuilding period depends on the severity of the breach and whether the matter was aggravated by lying.
The injured party may be a forgiving person or an unforgiving person. They may also be a hypocrite. They may be quite unreasonable when the other 'messes up.' Such are the complexities of relationships.
Whilst your approach may be right, and it is just a matter of time, your expectation is wrong. You won't "break this bitter shell." It has to be gradually worn down if that's how you like to think about it. So keep doing everything to rebuild trust. Actions will wear down the shell faster than words and promises.
Take care
Richard
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