A
male
age
30-35,
*oveinlife
writes:My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me two days after my birthday (mid-august) completely out of the blue. That night, she texted me saying "I think I don't like you anymore" and our relationship to me ended at that moment. Mind you, not to make her seem like the person at fault, I was the type of boyfriend to put her needs over mine, I put her on a pedestal and wouldn't let her get off until she was completely happy with me and I proved my worth to her time and time again.After that night, after my very familiar fair share of extreme anger, extreme denial, and extreme depression, she consistently messaged me/contacted me to talk, only for it end up for me begging her to come back and her yelling at me for somehow hurting her. After awhile of this, of me trying to win her back, I started the no contact rule. She would not have this and kept on explaining to me how I was hurting her and how she did not deserve to be thrown out of my life, and begged for me to talk to her and be friends. I gave in and tried it, I couldnt do it, went NC AGAIN, and then the same deal happened where she endlessly contacted me to talk to her as if nothing happened between us. And to this day, almost 4 weeks later, I am still in contact.During the night of the breakup, her brother has messaged me numerous times to leave her alone. I ignored the first few msges because I honestly did not want to take his shit, but he also insisted on talking to me, so I did. He basically told me to fuck off, and I did. Since then, he has gone as far as posting stuff on my facebook wall to ridicule me among a slew of other things, all of which I ignore.Also, when school started (I was still NC), my ex was in almost 4 of my classes. I ignored her for 2 days, ignored looking at her, talking to her, acknowledging her, and ignored her countless texts/calls/IMs. Until she came up to my in school and told me she still loved me, missed me, and I was the only one she wanted to date, but she doesnt want a relationship. A week of just talking like we were dating flies by and we somehow agree on a "friends with benefits" situation. I do it, hoping she;ll come back. We have gone on numerous dates and have gotten physical numerous times also.So I am here asking, what the hell am I doing? Does she even have an ounce of love for me? (She tells me she loves me everyday, and I honestly say it back because I still do) Am I setting myself to be completely destroyed later on? HELP!
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female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (19 September 2011):
She's using you for convenience. Get over her and find someone who will love , appreciate and be proud of you. The longer you stick with this girl, the more hurt you will be.
A
male
reader, loveinlife +, writes (18 September 2011):
loveinlife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe ended it because she told me she lost feelings for me, I guess the "spark" in her eyes was gone. She got used me to pampering her with everything and, in the end, I guess hse got bored.
But, when I started ignoring her, SHE WOULD NOT STOP WITH THE TEXTS/CALLS/IM's and I thought she had some realization. But, I was wrong. She just wanted to be friends because I treated her well and she wanted me to bring her up when shes down. This is what the FWB/nonstop contact was for.
Im just hurting myself arent I?
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1 +, writes (18 September 2011):
"Am i setting myself to be destroyed later on?" Yes.She's having all the powers here, telling you she doesnt like you anymore, then easily charms her way back to you,etc. I see big trouble because the arrangement isnt balanced, she's the boss. She'll wake up one morning to say she wants nothing to do with you, then the next smile her way in. Of course you'll accept her coz you're helplessly in love, and she will continue toying with your emotions. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride!But there's a better way. She should make up her mind whether she wants to be with you and it has to be in a proper relationship. If she's not sure about that, leave her and find someone who will be serious with you, this lady is not the only one in the world. You are capable of loving someone else. I honestly fear for you man!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Hi,I am sorry that your girlfriend mistreated you. I am confused? You both been together 1 year? That's a long time, time enough to know each other well. What concerns me is how she behave the month she was part from you? Why her brother was so mad at you? You said, she broke up out of the blue? But, by now did she give you any explanation? Honestly, couples break up all the time. Sometimes, when things are not going well, the take breaks, time away, but they do in civil matter. I don't understand why she ended the way she did? Having brother involved? She was rude? I feel you are not telling the whole story? Did you do something to her to make her break up with you?I know you are FWB now, but before this go any further, and I don't want to see you hurt again, I think you should have a talk to your girlfriend about what happened? Solve all the issues, so this won't happen again. Just explain to her that above all, you are friends. If one day she, or you decide to end again, tell her to be honest. That you guys know each other long enough to end nicely. Not fighting, angry, or bitter. You've been hurt before, I think if you don't talk to her, she will do it again, and i don't want you to get hurt again. I know the feeling, I just ended a 10 years relationship a year ago. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 First off if her brother is telling you to leave her alone than she is telling her family a different story while she is texting/calling you. THat is bad. Next, she wants to keep you on a shelf because of all the power you have given her in the relationship in the past. Women do not want a man who makes them the center of the universe. trust me we don't. We also don't want to be treated like crap. You must have your own center and then women will see and want to be part of your world but they don't want to be the center of it. THis caused her to loose respect for you. You can easily gain it back though. IGNORE HER. BLOCK HER CALLS/TEXTS. save your phone records though in case she lies to her family about u harassing her again. Go OUT and date other women. Be cool, calm, and confident on your dates and don't whine about ur ex. Work out and hang out with friends. Don't give her the time of day. SHe will end up realizing what she screwed up but by the time she does, I'm willing to bet that you wont' even want her anymore.
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