A
female
age
,
*ueeny63
writes:Hi.. this past weekend I went on my date that I met online. He was very nice, I was a little nervous.. he was very confident (he's used to dating) he said he enjoyed my company... we met for coffee, we talked, and joked. He is a straight shooter... he goes after what he wants (he says). I thought it went well, we made out a little.. although over the phone we had phone sex.. it was fun... and he wanted to know if I was a woman of my word... in which I said if there is chemistry, we are adults, sex would not be a problem... He suggested that we go over my place, or his place or his office.. (he has his own business)... I explained that I felt uncomfortable, and that I would like to go out on more than one date before I sleep with someone... he was very insistent... but NO WAY.. although he was making my insides melt, he was sooo sexy... I like him because he is what I'm looking for a man (49), good job, self reliant and looking for a relationship. I stuck to my guns and said no... he said, he was not mad but very disappointed in me.. (go figure) I wasted 3 weeks talking to this man. I told him that he had my number if he ever wanted to go out again.. he said he may or may not call... he couldn't guarantee me a call!!! He was very cool about it all.. I gave him a thank you and went to my car... I later called him to apologize for misleading him in any way... and I wanted to know if he arrived safely, he lives 1 hour away... no call back from him... the next day I thanked him... NO CALL OR Text!!! I feel rejected, I was very nice, and I was not going to compromise my belief in not sleeping with a man on the first date.. I have a daughter that I'm trying to bring up with values.. I tried explaining this to him..but his mind was on sex!!! All that talk about what he wants in a woman... he contradicted himself.. he wants a woman who respects and demands respect... what happened? I'm quite sure he is dating although he says he has quit the online site.. I did my part... should I just let it go... will he call?? I feel so rejected... He acually said he may or may not call... deep down I know that he is not, because he did not get his way... why do men play this game?? Was he testing me?? Although he says that many other women he has encountered were willing... and that whats the difference the first date, or second or fifth date.... HELP... should I see what happens..
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male
reader, justincarin +, writes (23 November 2009):
I have to agree with the consensus that your principles were not tarnished. However, didn't you mention you had phone sex with him? Is that not an invitation on your part, at least to a finite degree? Too bad he damaged your perspective of men, I am available and wouldn't ever treat a woman with ill respect. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): I agree w/lazyguy, your guy was so obvious, all he wanted is sex, just say 'no' and move on. There are some women out there who don't mind just sex at all, but it's not you
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Come on, surely you are old enough that boys, well some boys, have only one thing on their mind and will say anything they think will help them get it?
Well, here is a little secret... this never changes. Get used to it.
This guy wanted sex, pure and simple. You didn't. You said no. End of story. There will always be guys like this and if you don't want them, then you got to learn to spot them.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 November 2009):
 You said yourself you've wasted three weeks on this guy, don't waste another second. He was only looking for one thing, be glad you didn't give it to him. There are decent men out there, they just are a little harder to find than the goofballs.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 November 2009):
Well let's say this. You escaped with your dignity. I mean even if you had slept with him he would have just used you for sex untill he was done with you. No harm no foul on this one he wasn't going to take care of you anyway honey. Find yourself a good man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Ask yourself why would you want someone who may or may not call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Why would you want to see what happens? This guy has selfish jerk written all over him. He doesn't get what he wants so he pouts and you're rushing to apologize and make him feel better? Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?
Have some pride instead of focusing on rejection. He obviously found you attractive enough to want to sleep with you. You stood up for yourself. This doesn't seem the type of guy that would be a good addition to your life. If you did sleep with him, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't have gotten a phone call afterward.
Let it go - he's not going to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): I know I'm young, but to me this guy sounds like an internet predator that is looking just to have sex with women online. I've seen it many times over years of chatting over yahoo messenger. If you do go out on a second date with this guy, I still would wait on the sex part, if he really wants you, he wont mind waiting. Since he already hasnt called you back, I urge you to move on. This guy is a waste of what is obviously your valuable time. You need to find you a man that wont care about sex on the first date or not, even on the second. Sex is something that both people have to mutually want. If the guy can't understand that, then obviously, pardon my lang. Hes a dumbshit. I hope this helps.
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