A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid(s),I have a cis-male friend who identifies as gay. I don't know if this is something I have noticed being transgender myself, but the only guys he has outwardly said he's attracted to when we are out, or together have all been transgender. I don't know if this is a coincidence, but for some reason I feel like he is fethishising us? Maybe it's because he genuinely doesn't care, but equally it's only ever transgender men and for some reason that makes me feel suspicious?He has made advancements on me before but I declined as two of his best friends are transgender men, and I felt like he had feelings for them which he was then projecting onto me, as myself and one of his friends are so similar we may as well be the same person, and he has pointed out how we're so alike before and it just felt strange to me. Like if I remind him so much of his best friend, wouldn't it be awkward to have sex with me? Or is it some weird fantasy?I don't know, does it seem like I'm being paranoid? Maybe I'm just sensitive about it, but it does feel odd.
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female
reader, AnnalisaV +, writes (2 May 2017):
 Hi,you know, life gets a lot easier when relationships are based on love:if this guy is flaunting his attraction to a number of people, he is not courting you specifically, which makes it sounds like he is after some casual sex.On the other hand, he could be trying to make it clear to you that he is very keen on transgender men, so that you don't doubt his attraction to you.When in doubt, best thing is to ask :)In all fairness, everyone tends to have a type. Also, I see that you are quite young: in general, young people tend to go for external beauty, therefore tend to have more a type, rather than like various individuals.In my early 20's I only dated very skinny men!My friends also kept going for the same looks in men... Until eventually we fell in love. At that point everyone has beauty in their own way, but not like the one we actually love x
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (29 April 2017):
 As others have said, I would trust your gut if something seems off.
But this guy is a friend of yours, so he must not seem like a bad person to you overall or I assume you wouldn't associate with him in the first place. Is it possible that he has been open about his attraction to others who have transitioned to illustrate to you that as a gay man he sees you, a trans male, as no less attractive and no less a man than someone who was born a cis male? If he only voiced attraction to cis males in front of you, you might assume that he found you, as a trans male, inferior or undesirable in some way. So all this may very well be a misguided effort to prove to you that he finds you just as worthy of love and interest.
I do think casually asking him would be the best way to figure out his thoughts on the subject once and for all.
Hope this helps. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 April 2017):
 Obviously I have no idea what is going on in your friend's head but I would just say this: you have a gut instinct for a good reason. If it doesn't feel "right", then stay away (as you have done so far).
The only thing which I did wonder was whether your friend has a "type". Most of us have particular physical characteristics we are attracted to in potential partners. If you and your other friend are so alike (I do wonder what is going on that you are so alike, but that is really none of my business), then it is just possible your other friend finds you both attractive due to your shared looks.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 April 2017):
 Honeypie, when people are transgender, it's easiest to remember by knocking off the "trans" before man/woman and that's the gender they identify as. So, "trans guy" is just "guy" ("female to male") and "trans girl" is just "girl" ("male to female").I think some people do fetishise trans people and it's very frustrating, but the only way to find out is to ask him, if you're close enough friends. Uninformed people may assume it means he's bisexual or curious, but you are men, regardless of how far you've medically transitioned, so if he does see any of you as an "in between" or less than cis men, he's not even worth your friendship.It's possible he likes feminine-looking men and some guys have that even after starting testosterone, but you'd hope he'd also talk about cis guys who have feminine features. Besides, you may not look remotely feminine, so it really depends.I think your best bet is to ask him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2017):
 Now forgive me for asking a dumb question here, when you say trans guys - do you mean men who are transitioning into women, men who live and dresses as women OR women who are transitioning into men/living/dressing as men?
I don't mean to be rude, but I just want to be sure I GET the whole picture. See, I'm OLD compared to you and I get a little confused with all these newfangled " gender classifications" that shows up.
IF the guys he seems to be attracted to, are "former" women, maybe he doesn't quite... see them as men in the same sense as he would another "CIS" male. It might be that he is bi or bi-curious and a transgender guy is a "safer" bet than a "CIS" male. It would make sense if he is CURIOUS but scared to venture forth with it. Also, they might seem like a WAY safer bet to flirt with.
Does it mean that he has a fetish? Doubtful.
I think he just likes you as a friend - or he LIKES you for the PERSON you are not whatever label you carry. And SOME people has an easier time practicing flirting and hitting on friends rather than strangers.
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