A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does it hurt really bad the first time you do it? How do you know you've chosen the right person to do it with? Im kinda unsure so i need help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Princess_Rae  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Anonymous,
It is hard to say, to each woman it is different. For some it is almost unbearable and others it is like a light prick. You may be anywhere in between. For me it was painful for the moment but as things progressed it hurt less.
I also know from experience that the more conformable you are with the person and aroused you get the less pain you might feel from breaking your hymen. This is why it is important to have the right person.
I think you will know you have found the right person because you are comfortable around them and they do not pressure you into having sex before you are ready. I was 18 when I lost mine and I would not trade the moment or the person I did it with for anything in this world. I wish you luck on finding the right person and only ask that you take care of both your feelings and your body by waiting until your are sure before having sex.
Love.
Princess Rae
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Well basically if you are unsure about having sex for the first time then it clearly is not the right person or the right time to be having sex!
When you are ready for sex, and are completely in love with your partner, then there will be no feelings of doubt whatsoever. You will know he is the right guy and you will know it is the right time, so you wont feel unsure at all. So the fact that you are feeling unsure about having sex tells me that you are not ready and are not totally happy or comfortable with your boyfriend. So dont do it!
Bear in mind also that you are underage so if your boyfriend is older than you he could get into a lot of trouble for having sex with you, so dont forget that.
As for it hurting - it varies for everyone. Some girls dont experience much pain at all, others find it unbearable. Some girls have already broken their hymen naturally when they were younger through sports etc, others still have it intact and will experience bleeding. We really cannot say how painful it will be for you, everyone has a different experience.
But what I will say is that when you are in love with your partner, and are 100% comfortable around them, trust them and vice versa - then the pain will be a lot less. If you are really nervous, not sure you are doing the right thing, not sure if he is the right guy etc then naturally you will be less lubricated down there so it will be more painful. But if you are relaxed and totally sure that you are doing the right thing, then the pain will be a bit less.
As they say when you get married, you just "know" that person is "the one", it is the same the first time you have sex. You should just "know" that your partner is the right one and you should have no doubts. If there are any doubts then clearly he is not the right person so you should wait, either until the relationship improves or until you have met the right guy.
I dont know anything about your situation (whether this person in question is your boyfriend, or just a hook-up, how old he is, if he is a virgin, if you love each other etc...) but I will say this; If you want your first time to be an experience you look back on fondly and an enjoyable experience, rather than something you regret and found completely awful - you need to be in love, and he needs to love you too. You need to trust and respect each other, you need to have been in a committed relationship for a good few months before you have sex, you need to feel comfortable around each other, and most of all - make each other happy. If you have a great relationship and have gotten to know each other well over a good few months, then sex is a natural progression and wont feel uncomfortable or scary for you.
But if it is just some guy you fancy who keeps asking you for sex, or your boyfriend but you have only known him a couple of weeks, or your boyfriend but the relationship is bad - then sex will be horrible and your first time will be something you regret.
So really, if you are unsure then now is not the right time to be having sex and he is not the right guy to be doing it with. There is no rush to have sex, you will be far happier if you wait until you are 100% certain you have met the right guy to have sex with and you have a great relationship. If you rush it and do something you are not totally happy with, you will only wish you had waited. Losing your virginity is a very special occasion, you will experience feelings you have never felt before and it is not something to be taken lightly. So only lose it when you are completely sure you are ready and when you are in love.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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