A
female
age
36-40,
*weettea
writes:I have been married to my husband for 5 yrs.. We have two sons who are 5 and 1. Shortly after our first son was born, my sister in law told me that an ex girlfriend of my husbands had spread a rumor around (months before) that they had slept together. While the ex was saying that, I was freshly out of highscool, in early pregnancy, and living with my parents in another state. After his sister told me I asked him about the rumor. He said it was not true and his ex was trying to cause problems. So I dropped the issue. Now I find out that she is a friend on his facebook. I don't really think it's appropriate for her to be on there, considering what happened. I voiced my opinion to him and he said she sent him the request. He said that he accepted her because he accepts anyone who sends him a request. Still, I don't feel right about it. He is also secretive about things like having a password on his computer account (that I don't know)and not accepting a friend request from a friend of mine on facebook(because he feels like she'll say things about all the chicks he has on there). Another thing, a few months ago he left the computer on with his password logged in while he was at work. I was at home and I got nosey. I found pictures of his ex girlfriends that he had copied off their myspace accounts. Some of them were provacative and some not. His defense about that situation was that they were a part of his "spank bank". I'm tired of thinking about all of this and would like your opinion on the situation. Should I drop it since it's all in the past or not?
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female
reader, heart-shaped-balloon +, writes (5 October 2010):
 You are fine. HE is being disrespectful. Tell him he is causing problems with HIS behavior, not his ex.. He is treating you with disrespect and hurting you. Demand he be straight up with you. It's your right. Don't drop it. He is doing weird, shady, disrespectful things that belong in NO committed relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Ouch! I cant believe you are even questioning your right - as you say the past is the past and he shouldnt be bringing it into both your present and future together .part of his 'spank bank'? omg! a reference to his past with them - and of what must be a very hurtful kind to yourself. He is also , very obviously quite secretive and deceitful with you so I am not surprised whatsoever that this bothers you and would not say you are paranoid at all , insecure maybe from this actions and behaviour - to be honest , it is nobody elses place to tell you what action to take here but I will say that for your own benefit (insecurity etc) you put your foot down and insist on discussing the matter until you both come to a reasonable solution here ....Please dont question yourself , you are his partner , the mother of his children and you deserve respect of yourself , feelings and thoughts on the matter - wishes for a happy conclusion for you x
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 It is all unreasonable. He should have been completely honest with you and I think it is quite, for lack of a better word, unhealthy, to have provocative pictures of his exes whilst he is married to you. I would not say that you were being unreasonable or paranoid, I think you have a right to be worried knowing this sort of thing. He needs to set things right, get rid of that 'spank bank' and get rid of his ex as a friend on facebook. If she was willing to even attempt to destroy your relationship through deciet than why would he ever even consider accepting her friend request?
I hope that helps.
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