A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My new bf and I are having a long distance thing, we see each other every other wkend. We mainly communicate through daily txts. Naturally sometimes our txts turn abit dirty : ) We have told each other our sexual requests for nxt time we meet up. The only 1 of his that bothers me is that I perform oral sex on him in the shower, but instead of swallowing I let him finish on me (face/breasts). Now I dont have have a problem with doing this perse, I guess my problem is what this says about how he feels about me. My question is this, does this request have any reflection on his level of respect for me? It just purely something that would turn him on and has no bearing on his feelings for me? Just as a general, he is v sweet and when we do have sex he is very loving and v happy to please me.Cheers guys x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): There are a lot of acts in sex that toe a fine line between demeaning and just very naughty-but-equal. In these times you kinda need to take it on a case by case basis.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Disagree strongly with the previous anon posters. Aside from immature prudish statements I don't see any value in that comment.I don't think the sexual acts he wishes to engage in with you reflect his opinion of you. I think they reflect his own personal tastes and fetishes, the fact that he is able to share these with you is an amazing thing.Basically any sexual encounter is allowing us to submit to the other person, to lose control to their touch. There is pretty much always someone in a position of control to varying degrees and someone who is in a position of submission. It doesn't necessarily reflect the opinions or the emotional bonds shared in the relationship.If you feel uncomfortable don't do it. It should be enjoyable for both of you guys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): totally agree with Heartbrokeninlove. This isn't about true love and acting out a porn scene is somehow gross to me. Ask him if he doesn't mind if you shit on him and see how he likes that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I highly doubt it's a sign of disrespect. Your bf probably just saw it in a porno and wants to give it a shot (ha, ha). I've done this for my guy before and I honestly prefer it to swallowing. He got the idea from porn too.
Basically, unless you have straight-up missionary sex every single time, your boyfriend is "disrespecting you" in the bedroom. Giving him a blowjob in the first place is an act of submission, IMO. And as long as this particular power balance stays in the bedroom and only in the bedroom, it can make for a spicy sex life ;)
That said, if it's not something you are comfortable with then you have every right to say no.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (4 August 2009):
This fantacy has nothing to do with the respect he has for you, it's just something he wants to try because he thinks it will be exiting !
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A
male
reader, midnight26 +, writes (4 August 2009):
my question is does the taking you from behind also indicate his respect for you? if he pumps to hard will that make him a bad husband? i am sorry i am a virgin and may not know but this question is a little silly you may have to rethink how you approach sexual intimacy.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (4 August 2009):
 No, it has nothing to do with 'respect', it has to do with power. A man's penis is more powerful than his brain. For him to 'shower' you with his semen makes him feel powerful and we all like to feel powerful. Just like a woman being on top is very powerful to her and the man must submit to that...it's what great sex is all about. Power and submission supported by great love.
I, for one, love to be submissive sometimes and in complete control at other times. When you have someone who loves it all and wants you to just be happy no matter what...THAT is when sex can't be better.
If you want to see him go crazy, take a bit of the semen he shot on you and scoop it up with your finger then lick it...or use it as lubrication to massage your special places...I will 99.9% guarantee you another erection. :)
Great sex to you both!!
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 Not disrespectful at all - so long of course as you're ok with it. Speaking personally it is pretty much the only way to get me to come and my lovely wife of 10 years has no problem with it.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (4 August 2009):
 If you have a problem, or feel uncertain about letting him do it, then don't let him. If allowing him to ejaculate in your mouth seems fine, but on your face and breasts seems somehow 'disrespectful', I accept your feelings, but can't quite understand them. I think the sight of his efforts all over your face and breasts must turn him on massively. I know a couple of guys who are just like this.From a female perspective, a lot of women I know would prefer to go for the face and breasts, rather than swallow, but everyone is different. I am not sure if either is an act of disrespect towards a woman, or purely a question of taste! If your personal values mean you are not happy with what he wants to do, then let him know, rather than feel disrespected and make this an issue. Go with what you feel is comfortable, and have a great time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Okay, I'm not a guy so I don't know what this sexual request might represent.
But, I honestly don't think it is anything negative at all, or a disrespectful sign. I think this is probably something that would simply turn him on, and he wants to give it a try. I keep hearing that men are visual creatures, so I would imagine that the sight of him finishing on your face/breasts would be a massive turn on for him!
If you're uncomfortable though, then just tell him that you aren't happy to do it. You said that you are okay about it though, so if that is the case, maybe you could ask him what it is exactly about finishing on you that he finds so appealing. He'll probably be able to explain and put your mind at ease.
But like I said, just my personal viewpoint, I don't think this is a sign that there is anything to worry about regarding how he feels about you. x
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (4 August 2009):
this is a little bit personal for me as I do believe that a mans sexual requests from the woman he says he loves does reflect his level of respect for her. Here is what I can say. He gets that idea from things he hears about or possibly sees in a pornographic video. He may ask for it but it is up to you to tell him no. If I was your friend or had an influence on you I would tell you to decline on that particular request. He doesn't disrespect you now but if you do do that for him his level of respect will most likely decline for you. Part of this too is the respect you have for yourself. As a guy I would never request that from the girl I love. This is my opinion. Hope this helps
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