A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:1-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one. I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this all the time, but once he does, it just bothers me, makes me mad. Why in the world, would a man refer to a woman like this, its so disgusting!2-) Whenever I’m in positive vibes, he seems to suck my good vibe away( they call this an ”emotional vampire”)once he comes and picks me up, whenever I get in his car uuugh, he always says something that bothers me, example:”your breath smells like mint,I don’t like mint, or your perfume is too strong”, instead of greating me nicely, boom he says something that’s not nice. Believe me I rather have good breath, than not a stinky one and my scent is not overpowering, it’s just a clean cologne.3-) This one really disturbs me, Warning TMI:when he ejaculates, he does it on the floor, or somewhere on the wall. I have seen this behavior for some time now,who in there right mind does this on a rented apartment!! this is disgusting. why not go to the bathroom, or have a napking nearby.4-) Whenever he can, he points out something negative, oh your butt, you need to do squats, your too skinny, you need to gain 5 pounds, I tell him ”I love myself like this” if you don’t like it, then I’m sorry, and all he says is, ”well your going to stay alone”5-) This one is the one that I notice the most, when I am looking pretty, have my hair down flowing, cutely dressed, etc, he will say something negative, ”oh your hair is thin, whats wrong’, your butt is sagging.Mind you none of these are true to my knowledge, my hair is medium thickness, and my butt, is a little smaller after I lost weight, but not sagging.6-) I feel, as if Everything has to be on his terms, that’s how I see it, can you imagine we only see each other once a week, or once every 2 weeks. We dont even manage to see each other on the weekends Like normal couples do!.Anyways, I feel drained, mentally and emotionally by his ways. This can not be normal, even if it’s not every single time, but the majority of the times, he happens to be this way!.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 March 2017):
 So did you end things with this man? I dunno how you managed to deal with this for so long, my guess is that you love him. He may have issues but it does not mean he can always take it out on you, and well women in general. He sounds very insecure. My guess is he has had issues in the past.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Caring Aunty A, Indeed, indeed, I AGREE with you, I was actually telling my Aunt which I happen to talk a lot to, that in my mind I have a very strong feeling that some woman did something very shitty to this man,he got heartbroken or even deeper that, but something happen in the past, that I guess i will never know.And yeah I think he actually has had many breakups,I forgot to mention that he suffers a disorder called ADULT ADHD, don't know if you have heard of it!, I'm sure that a woman that is well put, will not tolerate his behavior so they run away from him quickly thereby he always stays single. Only I put up with it being so dumb, thinking he would change,Plus he is 37, who in there right mind is 37 and acts like a kid, he should know what he wants,and be stable for his age, anyways Im done,I can't anymore.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 IF those are his sentiments regarding women; next time when he makes such a comment, I'd ask him, does that include his and your Mother being bytches?
I wager this guy has a deep down resentment towards women for some reason, that you need not explore nor waste time over finding out why.
I do wonder what his family, friends and workmates think of him, and how many break-ups he's had. Have any of these people been exhausted or under attack by his negative dibble and fault finding character?
To me this guy is evidently TOXIC to you and others emotional well-being. You'll never be positively encouraged, adored or treated with respect, but will be put down till your self-esteem is nonexistent!
Be that you don't see each other all that much it would be easier to break free and fade away from him, than if you were living together.
Best you preserve what self-esteem you have left and use it to breakup with him.
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2017):
 I find the term submissive so ICKY when it comes to a relationship. I'm TOTALLY fine if two people are BOTH on the same page with one being more dominant/submissive - but when one partner EXPECTS that of the other regardless - it's just... yuck. Makes me think he should go get a dog instead - but then again not... poor dog.
I think after 3 years you KNOW if he is a GOOD match for you or not. If he ADDS to your life, good - if he "sucks" you dry emotionally and energy-wise, not good.
Personally, I'd rather be single than have a partner who treated me the way you describe your BF. But YOU have to decide if you are willing to be with a guy like this and be treated the way he treats you... (because he IS NOT going to change) or... if you want better. (for you)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 March 2017):
 You seem to recognize that something is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here. The comments about him wanting you to be submissive, the hateful things he says about your appearance, your body when he's not happy with you, the negative energy he puts on everything, what are you waiting for? Are you needing help with getting rid of him? Is this a pattern that you have seen in your life and you are repeating in your own personal life?
Speaking for myself, I would've dumped him very soon after he started making comments like that. I think it's not healthy for you to feel the way you do, and try to come up with a way to stay with him. So we can refer you to abused women's shelters, if you live with him. We can refer you to abused women help lines, to get counseling to help you get over this abusive relationship.
Are you ready for that kind of help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionImagine, I have been with this man 3 years he is 37 years old and I am 28, we have been in the same routine over and over.
And yes he has mentioned the word ''submissive'' a whole lot, and how a woman should be submissive because thatways she gets what she wants. and the quiet aspect as well,whenever I was concentrated in something and I would not talk this man would say:'' you see you look so nice when quiet'' everything is seems relaxing and tranquil''.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): He is thoroughly, classically abusive. Read about abuse. There are many books out there. It will help you to realise what you know already. It will confirm your worst suspicions about this person.
Everything he says and does that involves you, is done with the express intent to put you down, ruin your confidence and self esteem.
He is not an emotional vampire btw. Those people suck other people's energy for their own use. He is not in need of your energy. He just wants your unhappiness, anxiety and for you to feel bad about yourself. Then he thinks you are less likely to leave him.
These people are nasty pieces of work and will stop at nothing to make you feel drained. That way you are less able to counter anything he says or does. He wants you quiet and submissive.
Anyway, as I say read up on abuse, it also helps you to avoid these creeps in the future. Leave him as quickly and as safely as possible. They do not like you calling the shots.
Good luck and go be happy!
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 You can see straight through him... Why DO you need our advice... You may as well ask us if you should run away if an axe wielding murderer was coming towards you...
NO emotionally healthy, sane person would stay in the relationship. If you do you'll end up with a LOT more stress and pain in your life than you have now.
Don't ignore ANY of these red flags... Everything about him points to the fact he is a nasty damaged individual.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): This is a hard one because although you feel all these things - drained ect - I assume you still love him otherwise you wouldn't be putting up with all his 'arsey behaviour'. We both know how he is acting isn't correct in a relationship. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel THIS low about yourself, you need someone who will support you and not bring you down at any given opportunity. Now, I don't know how long you have been together but has this been a problem with the whole relationship or has it only come to surface now?
All I would say is: just ask yourself if it's all worth it
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2017):
I don't understand why you need advice here.
The fact that you say:"I feel drained, mentally and emotionally by his ways".
THAT in itself should tell you that he is NOT a good match for you. Someone that takes you down constantly, NOT build you up is NOT someone you should want to be with.
And no his behavior is NOT "normal" in the sense that a person who CARES for his partner, wouldn't constantly criticize her. Would he? He would be darn PROUD to take her out when she spend time getting dressed up and dolled up.
He sounds like an ASS. And if it was me, I'd dump him with a:" we are too different..." bue-bye.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (2 March 2017):
Yes, it is abusive. Yes, you should break up with him (surprised you haven't already).
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 Quick question... Why are you still with this guy?
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