| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: hi.. great day.. i need to share my thoughts and get some honest opinion from some experienced people from here..im going to marry in the next couple months and move into my fiance house. theres his parent and sister family on the extended part of the house. overall his parent are kind and caring person. ive known them for a long time. i confidently say that his father is the one who is the most supportive about our relationship. i know he wants me to become part of them. on the other hand his mom, she is quite caring and understanding woman but at times she can be so controlling and self centered. she forbid us to start our family on our own by requesting us to live together in their house. she also controlled her daughter's life eventhough shes married with kids. she asked her to live on nearby house (their house). her daughter come daily to run their business and get wages and allowance monthly. his parent provides for his sister and her kids as her husband is not capable and irresponsible. recently she said the bride reception party need her to do the makeup twice and get a fee for it( beside his son's party). wtf. so self centered. which i answered it only happen once in a girl's life so what the big deal of the makeup thing. its cost a few and whats the matter which she reply with a shy and loser sheepish smile/ laugh. her daughters also did bride reception before that required her to do makeup twice. theyre not poor or less. theyre in middle class condition. just their lifestyle is low. they definitely can afford it. they spend much money on products by marketers people which is not proven the quality and reliability. theyre not a smart consumer. they easily believe on advertising imo. she is not always that evil. she helps us to arrage our wedding plan. give fund for my fiance as hes now establishing his own business and sort of money at the moment. usually she cared about me that she do small sweet gesture when we met. such as helping me to peel of the shrimp and crab which im not asking for. she loves to see me playing with her grandchildren. she sent food and bought me stuff after going back from abroad. i feel that shes stingy and too outspoken. i told my fiance about this as i think it will cause trouble in the future if she keeps doing it. which my fiance replied " its because shes senior and aged that cause her to think that way". he also confessed to me that he wants to marry me but he couldnt ask much about the wedding because he isnt the one who provide the funds. he said if hes succeed,things would be different as i can have what i wish for if he could provide it. he is now works hard earning money from his new business. i can see he is really excited and focus on his job. he becomes workaholic since he sets up the business.i wish to have prewedding photoshoot abroad as its a lifetime experience that crucial for us. we cant go back and i dont want to regret it. i conclude that : he wants to marry me, he proposed several years ago and doesnt lose patience when im not ready. he is committed to our long term relationship. he is always have that kind of patience toward me, be it we have arguments and always forgiving for all the mistakes i did. but he is not financially stable for funding the wedding. meaning he could afford our daily expenses while keep saving on the other hand. his parent are welcoming and seems excited for the wedding as his mom keep asking me about it and want to help me get things done properly.should i worry about my future living with inlaws as the stereotype of "monster"in law and bad experiences from wives around the world? she can be inconsiderate at times and self centered. im sure she would be an amazing grandma but unsure about her role as in law.any experiences and advices would be much helpful. thank you..
View related questions:
fiance, money, shy, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 As the male anon says : what disguise, lol, she is and always was ! a " monster - in - law " in plain sight. Even by the standards of your non-Western culture.
Sorry but- you made your bed, now go lie in it.. You have posted several times, always stating your ( very well founded ) doubts about your chances of happiness with your fiance'( but that's another story, though ). I remember the ONE thing which you stressed upon most was your strong desire to NOT live with his parents and to have your own place. Your mamaboy's fiance' refused even to talk about this with his parents, even to hint at it !, plus he is not able or not willing to tell you if and when at any time in future you will be allowed to cut the apron strings and move out. ( Which, moneywise you could do even right now ,since YOUR father offered you to buy you a house, if you wish, right ? ) I think you have just signed up for a life sentence without parole. Who knows why, frankly. Of course a great love match some times requires scrifices , changes, adjustements - which are difficult but worth the trouble. But in your case ? Your fiance' does not seem much bothered with you at all, he basically just wants to make his parents happy, who want to see him settled. Thena gain, you never sounded too overwhelmed by passion yourself, so, who knows- maybe you just LOVE not ever having to peel your shrimps by yourself.
I am aware that I sound very harsh,- but it really gets to me seeing a young woman giving up her heart's desires of freedom, emotional filfillment and living according her own standards- just to conform to social expectations and to be thought of as " nice ".
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): If she is dictating the conditions under which you get married and have children, then you have a problem and it's not her: It's your fiancée. He's doing what she wants and not what you want, and if he can't stand up to her and assert his independence then your marriage is doomed before it starts.She's pushing him into getting married because she wants to control his life by keeping him dependent on her.She's not a "monster-in-law" in disguise, she's a "monster-in-law" in plain sight, and be prepared that he will always take her side over yours and she will be constantly putting him in situations where he has to make a choice. Be forewarned of what you're getting into: When you marry a spineless mama's boy then you also marry his controlling, manipulative mother. Neither is going to change, and if you think things will change when you get married then you are right: They'll only get worse. And should you decide to go through with the wedding and eventually have kids then she will be a horrible grandmother, trying to control her grandchildren's lives like she does her son's while making every effort to undermine your parental authority whenever she can.
...............................
|
