A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so heartbroken right now. I love my boyfriend so much and i know he loves me.. but why does he love me? He just brought up his ex and he always gets so mad at her and i asked him if he got mad at her because he hated her for hurting him or if he was mad at her because he still loved her and she hurt him? Lol silly me. He didn't want to answer, which is an answer in itself isn't it? And now i feel shattered. and he's telling me about how my love is so much more compared to hers. but i don't want to be compared to her. i'm not her. i'm nothing like her. And i'm always so insecure how can he not know that i can't deal with this? I can't deal with it and i can't stop crying. I feel like he loves me but he loves me because i love him, not because he actually loves me and likes me but because of how i feel for him. He loves being loved by me but does he actually love me? I don't know how to feel or what to think i just know that i feel like my heart has just exploded and i can't take it.
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female
reader, 6667  +, writes (14 October 2009):
my boyfriend does the same he has a children with his ex girlfriend but no matter what we talk about he always brings her up like we were talking about moving and he said when i lied with ????????? it was so upsetting and i dont think he realised that it hurt he plays different card games all the time and when i said it to him about playing he said god even ???????????? wasnt like this when i lived with her i always feel that he has compared me to her and im so jealous because of it i feel that he wants me to be like her but when he does it i lately stared telling him that if he compares me to so much and if he brings her up so much that he still has feelings for her and that maybe we shouldnt be together and he has stopped talking about her and comparing me to her so i think that you should try the same ask him if he still loves her and if he wants her i no it might be hard and it might hurt but its worth it if it will show you if he still loves her and wants to be with her because if he does and you dont say anything well the the both of you's are fooling yourself in being committed to a relationship if 1 of ya's dont want to be in it xxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): i know what you mean my boyfirends the same way.....but really its kinda hard to tell....just stay with him he just might be comparing you because thats all he's really known is her if he really loved her and she broke his heart its never gonna fully recover...he is really trying to get over her i bet and one day he will but just try and help him tell him that he was WAY better off without her help him get threw it and maybe it will all be okay
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A
female
reader, aeris  +, writes (2 April 2008):
Wow, your guy sounds exactly like my ex when we were still together... we broke up due to some other issues though.
Up to now, I still don't know whether he loved me because I made him feel loved or whether he was really attracted to me, but what I know is that I wasn't a top priority in his life so I suspect it was the former...
However, I feel it's too early for you to tell whether he really loves you or not. Why don't you just wait and see how it goes and enjoy the moments you have together while you're at it? After all, time will show his true character and motives. Your guy might just be telling you about how he feels about his ex because he trusts you.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Love is simple and pure.
You love him and he loves you.
Why do you want to cloud and muddy this issue of love with why's?
Do you know how a T.V works?
Yet you enjoy looking at it.
Just enjoy his love and his presence in your life.
Be simple and do not complicate your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know how long they were together. A few months maybe? And he said he did love her at some point but doesn't know if she loved him especially because she broke his heart and cheated on him.
I've been with him for just over three months but i've known him since I was five and i made really good friends with him for four months before we got together. I'm just feeling really insecure about it all. He told me he really loves me but he couldn't explain why he brought it up. And I would rather have not known but it's not healthy to not talk about problems in a relationship is it.. i don't even know if he considers it a problem. He was originally worried about me being mad at him for still feeling anything towards his ex, which of course i'm not - i know you can't just expell feelings. if you feel them, you do - there's nothing you can do.
He sed he'd never want to get back with her but he doesn't know how he feels about her. But it makes me feel second best and a lot of stuff happened when we first got together that made me feel like.. i WAS second best and that he was only with me because i was there and i liked him. I think i'm just being paranoid. I don't know what to think anymore.
I just wish this whole thing had never happened.
And to be honest, the moderator titled my question wrong. Really it should have been, 'He says he loves me, but does he love me or does he just love the fact that i loved him when he was alone?'
thanks for your help.
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A
female
reader, lilly_08  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 He loves you because YOUR NOT HER! The answer to does he still love his ex ? I can tell you from experience that he will always have feelings for her that are not love. Me and my husband of 11 years just got our divorce finalised on the 1st of this month. NO I dont still love him I was the one who ended the marriage, YES I still have feelings for him he is the father of my children but its not a feeling of love its a hard feeling to explain its more worry if you have been with someone for a long time and worried so much about someone for so long its hard not to keep that feeling. how long was he with her? and how long have you been with him ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): From what I get from your post, is the lack of quality communication between the two of two. You asked a very good question. His refusal to answer tells me he isn't ready to bring you in closer (there could be many reasons for this), or he is still haunted from his past relationship, and probably isn't ready for this one, so you need to be cautious. When he becomes bothered, he needs to know that he will not get over it until he deals with it. Deal with means he must find the problem, who owns which part of it, which one was hurt by it, and what was it they needed, and then what should they have done to ask for it, and if they do ask for it and the need not met, then maybe they weren't for you. Relationships are complicated, and sometimes, we need to analyse something like a parent might do with a child. It doesn't matter if your 10 or 100 years old, we all have needs, and when they are not met, we break down emotionally, especially when it is from the ones we love and who are suppose to be there for us.
Hope this offers some help, take care.
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