A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 2 weeks ago I got out of a long-term relationship. I met a man shortly after who I absolutely loved spending time with. The third day that we hung out, we had sex, and it was beautiful. But I'm falling hard for him and I want a relationship out of this. I enjoy his company so much that I just want some kind of guarantee that he's not going anywhere. We're both very open, and we have told each other how interested we are. But when I spoke to him about wanting a relationship, he said "I just want to take things slow, don't fret." Does this mean he's just not interested in me for a relationship, or is he being sincere and really does just want to go slow? Because having sex after knowing him for 6 days isn't slow for me. I'm too emotionally attached to him already to be able to handle him not wanting a relationship. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Philips  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 You are just a booty call,, more or less.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Hanging out and having sex while he wants to take things slow can only mean one thing: you will be used as a sexual convenience. There is no relationship pending and you don't have sex and wake up in a relationship. Hanging out and having sex generally means you are kissing a future relationship goodbye in exchange for something casual.
Taking things slow for a guy means taking you out on dates and getting to know you before you have sex to see if a relationship is on the horizon. Having sex right away while he wants to take things slow means he is going to enjoy the free buffet and when he's done eating, he'll go into a slow canter and then disappear.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 On with the breaks!
It's been two weeks since you got out of a long term relationship? And already you want to jump into the deep with a man you barely know, but had sex with?
And, you've known him a full 6 days, and already you are attached?
This isn't about the man at all. You have been shopping for a replacement for your ex. The gap in your social schedule and in your heart was so open, and instead of working on getting by on your own, healing up, and growing as a person, you took the first and best man you came across and effectively placed him in the position as your boyfriend. He now fills your schedule, and the hole in your heart. Which is why you already care, you barely know the man, but your heart is aching after someone to drown in love and affection, and as it seems, any man will do.
I don't think this man is serious about you, or wants a relationship for that matter. If he was serious he'd want to wait with sex. As for now, you're his plaything. You however want to get serious after only 6 days of knowing him... but I already explained why that's the case with you.
So what to do? Have sex with no strings attached and not hope for more, or cut him loose and be by yourself like you should have done from the beginning. Take time to HEAL your heart, and close those holes, get by on your own without feeling lonely or miserable, get over your ex, and if you feel sorry about the situation eat some chocolates. Don't jump into bed with a random stranger, a bucket of ice cream and a movie will do you much better. Or, if you're on a diet, go for a run and join the gym to work out, feel better, and get your mind focused on something else but your heartache.
This new man is only serving one purpose to you: to fill the hole in your heart so you don't have to deal with the pain of breaking up. A relationship that starts out like that has no future.
AND: Don't have sex with a guy until you're already in a committed relationship with him. It's the golden rule of "how to avoid men who just want sex".
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 You may be open with him but I doubt he is open with you.
He wants to take things slow, but he wants sex the third time he sees you ? ..How come he want things slow relationshipwise but fast sexually ? .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Here is a valuable lesson for all women. DO NOT SLEEP WITH A GUY THIS QUICKLY IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP!!!!
You don't need to play silly games with a guy but jumping into bed with someone you hardly know says one thing alone to most men: "she's easy, this is just a fling and not a relationship". I'm sorry to be so blunt, but the man is a player to use a line like "I want to take things slow" but then promptly get you in the sack. It's what's known as a line. And you took the bait.
If you are EVER interested in a guy enough to think you may want a relationship, wait. If he's still around some weeks or even a couple of months later without having been to bed with you then he really likes you and wants a relationship, not a fling.
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