A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So this guy has wanted to be with me for a very long time and finally had the chance to make his move. We have many things in common. We've always got along very well. We've been seeing each other for about a month and we've said just about everything to each other--it's all on the table. Physically we're amazing together. I didn't think I'd ever 'feel' anything ever again and he's brought so much out of me. We get along with each others' families comfortably. We understand each other's health issues that could impact our future together but don't. The problem is, I feel something is off and I can't put my finger on it. He says the most amazingly beautiful things. He sends me letters, buys me things, wants to spend time with me, we text constantly. He knows I've come off a major breakup. He knows it'll take time for me to heal. He says we need to take this slow, but then he turns around asking how I feel about him. I think he's just so excited about the possibility of this whole situation. But he seems to put me on a pedestal that I'm not so sure I deserve. I just don't know if its' because I'm not used to being treated so well or because he really is a little over the top or possibly possessive. He says we do need to have our own space. We rarely actually talk on the phone (which is ok because neither of us like to in general). He's a self-professed hopeless romantic. I used to be and he's bringing it out of me again. I just don't want to get into this and find he's actually more obsessed with me than in love with me.
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (19 March 2012):
I think you are struggling with the fact that someone really does genuniely love you.
I have a friend who is experiencing the exact same thing right now. She has been with her partner for 18 months but struggles with all the love and affection because she spent 25 years with a rotter.
Let him love you and try not to think too deeply. Enjoy it as a good man these days is a hard find! And yes, it is still good to have your own space, so that proves he isn't obsessed or controlling.
Enjoy!!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Is there is difference between "in love with" and "obsessed with?"
Frankly, looks like you've got this guy under your thumb REGARDLESS of the answer to that (above) question.....
Good luck... and, please, go easy on him.....
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I think it is a little bit of everything you have said in your post - but I genuinely dont think he is obsessed with you or posessive.
You have said he is a hopless romantic, so what you are mistaking for posessiveness/obessiveness is actually romance! It is lovely to have a man that wants to be with you and buy you presents, that isnt him being obsessed, it is simply nice gestures because he really has strong feelings for you.
If he was obsessed/possesive it would be more like him asking where you are all the time, getting upset if you went out without him, acting jealous if you mention a male friend, trying to control you though what you wear, who you see etc. But it doesnt sound like he has done or said anything like this, so I think you are ok!
He simply is a romantic man that is excited to finally be with the woman he has wanted for a very long time! Is that really so bad?!
I think you are not used to being treated well at all, and you should relax and enjoy it. This is how relationships should be, he sounds great so enjoy him! Not many men are romantic these days so you have done well to find one of the last true romantics!
Men really cant win with us girls, we moan when they are not romantic, we moan that they are playing it cool, we get worried when they dont appear interested enough, yet we moan when they are romantic, we moan when they are too keen.....nothing can please us it seems!
It sounds like you have come out of a bad break up and it has changed your persepctives on relationships - so really it is up to you how you want to proceed with this new relationship. It sounds great, but if you are not emotionally ready perhaps you need to slow it down and have more space? Or are you happy to allow him to continue to slowly change your perspectives on romance, and maybe in time you will get used to a romantic man again?
Either way, he sounds like a great guy who is just excited to finally get his chance with you, if you find it too much then talk to him and explain that while you think he is wonderful and you are enjoying the relationship, you are finding it all a little too much and would appreciate it if he gave you a bit more space.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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