A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18, and have been "dating" a 27 year old for almost a year. He works with teenagers, and therefore our relationship cannot be public, as he would risk losing his job and ruining his reputation. However, he also refuses to introduce me to his friends (with a few exceptions) from fear of being judged. I understand that he has much more to lose than I do if things got out of hand, and he treats me very well, but I can't help feeling as if maybe he simply enjoys having someone who loves him and will do anything for him--all the perks of a girlfriend without the restrictions!I'm very shy and have a lot of trouble discussing these things with him...Help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): Yes, you are a pleasant toy to him. No strings fun.
You're the only one getting hurt in this, and you're the only one who is to blame for that hurt because you know exactly what's really going on. It's your choice how much longer you continue it, but don't expect anything to change.
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Clearly there is a problemd and the gist of that problem is known to you clearly.
But... If you think and you do...he might be right be afraid of damaging his job by introducing you openly...then give him his dues and be patient wait a little longer until you see whether he really is in love with you and except this compelling restriction everything else is going well for you. And slowly as you get a littler older he will feel comfortable introducing you...And I dont think there is anything wrong in his dating you...If a man of 27 year old loves a 18 year old it is perfectly ok to me.
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A
male
reader, agonyunclechris  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 heya hun
why would he lose his job ? you both can legally be together it is just morally seen as wrong in some peoples eyes
is it right for you to shy away in the shadows ? is he ashamed of what ? if he loves you he wont be ashamed of you , he needs to take the risk , its not fair on you to live in the dark to please him
talk to him about it , tell him you have had enough you are not his toy , he wants you or he doesnt , he carnt have it both ways
he should decide does he want you and is he proud of you
or is he ashamed and is he just using you ?
hope i have helped you hun
take care
love and light
chris
x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 You're 18, which I believe to be over the age of consent in Canada. So, in principle, there should not be anything legally wrong in his being involved with you. Why is something the matter? I'm afraid it is because you're one of the teenagers he works with. The problem is not so much his dating an 18 year old, which borders on inappropriate, but his dating one of the youth he mentors.
I suspect there is good reason why he is not allowed to date the people he works with: that would interfere with the sort of work he does for the benefit of the youth, which means that would detract for the sort of benefit he is supposed to be providing.
I just hope he is not involved in counselling or anything similar.
Whatever the reason or the situation, let me give you this advice. No matter who you are involved with, NEVER accept keeping the relationship secret. It should never be a problem to let people and friends know you are together. If it is, then there's something he is not telling you.
The friends who know about your relationship are the people he has no reason to be afraid of. Those who would keep an inappropriate relationship secret.
There is a lot of difference between a man who is 27 and a girl who is 18. Maybe you don't notice it, but I'm sure he does. Even if he told everyone about the relationship, it would still be somewhat wrong for a man his age to get involved with a girl your age.
And then, you should never have trouble discussing things with the people you are involved with. No relationship can succeed if there is no communication. If sometimes your partner just won't discuss certain things, then that is not a good relationship.
I agree with you: he wants of the perks of a girlfriend without the restrictions.
If I were you, I would ask him to make the relationship public. If he won't, then my advice is that you leave him.
Take much care.
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