A
female
age
51-59,
*isillusioned
writes:I've been seeing my new boyfriend for a month and up until now, things were perfect, until last night. We went out for a few drinks, then bumped into a friend of mine who has just been dumped, and my b/f was like, "Oh, whoever dumped you must be mad coz you are GORGEOUS, in fact if I'd met you before I met Jude, then... PHWOAR!!! You are so much better than most of the girls round here, I'm sure any man would be happy to have you."Then he couldn't understand why that upset me, said he was just trying to make her feel better about herself, and I was like, "At my expense? You made me feel like shit by basically saying she was better than me!!" Then he shouted and said I'm pathetic and childish.Am I being stupid? When he's sitting there telling her he wished he'd met her before me, and I'm supposed to just laugh or something??
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (2 January 2008):
I myself had a simular dilema.My o/h of 10yrs came home and told me he just seen a male friend of ours.The male friend told my o/h that he quite liked a girlwe all know.My o/h said 'Why don't you go for it, if i was single i would'.I wasn't happy about this,not what he said but felt he was disrespecting me infront of my friends.I told him this and he was upset and realised that he had been insensitive.I feel men not all men are not very tactful at times.Just let it slide now.As long as you have told him how you feel, hopefully he will be alittle more sensitive in future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): He might have been a bit more diplomatic, but it's just the sort of thing I would have said. He was just making her feel better about herself, that's all.
There's nothing wrong with admiring the female form - I do it all the time, but few women compare to what I've already got waiting at home. It would take a nuclear-powered magnet of a fanny to draw me away from her!
He's with you, and he's probably proud of that fact - just as I am with my partner. If you're secure in your relationship this shouldn't escalate into a war situation.
Phil
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Honey!! He was just being a man. They have a habbit of opening there mouths before they think. No offence boy's X
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 It sounds like it could very well be as he says, that he just wanted to be nice and cheer her up. Also he didn't necessarily say she was better than you, he said that if he had met her before you, then he would have thought wow of her, he didn't say he wish he hadn't met you, did he? Now that he has met you first, he knows better and you are his nr 1.
I don't think you are being stupid or pathetic, you are just a little insecure maybe. After all you have only went out for a month and you don't know each other that well yet and he did make quite a stronger effort than needed to soothe her feelings, I agree with you. But as long as his actions doesn't seem to show he thinks more of someone else than of you, then my advice would be to believe him when he says he just wanted to make her feel better. I think he sounds like a sweet and caring guy who wants to care about your friends. Maybe he even thought that trying hard to soothe your friend would be a plus in your book, but instead it all went wrong on him? If you really like him, give him another chance, I don't think he fancies her.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Well maybe it was a stupid metaphor on his part, but don't take it out of it context. By what you are saying, he was just trying to cheer her up. Men, sometimes, don't think straight and he really believes he did nothing wrong. I would have brought it up to but not in a bitchy-jelling-fighting kinda way. Just letting him know next time to use a better example to cheer anyone, kinda in a jokingly matter. It is not a big deal, and, at least for what you say here I wouldn't consider he fancy your friend!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, superdopah +, writes (2 January 2008):
i dont think he actually meant that last line he proberly was saying it to make her feel better, but he proberly just went a bit over the top. i dont think you should feel like it was at your expense, neither should you feel as though he thought she was better then you. i can understand where you were coming from but i think you should of held back with what you said.
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