A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really dont know what to do...i like this guy whos like 19/20 years older than me...im 17 now, and he's my english tutor...i havent known him for very long but me and him get on really well and he's quite flirty with me, like complementary and stuff....except he has a girlfriend which just creates more problems because its complicated enough, me liking a guy his age...i know there are some men that would have a relationship with a girl my age, and i know this sounds stupid and insecure but i really wouldnt care if he was just using me for sex or whatever i just really like him and want to be with him...he says stuff like im pretty and mature, not in a pervey guy though....i dont know how to figure out if he likes me or not...i dont know if i should flirt with him?(i already do but i dont make it really obvious)i cant ghet over him so please dont tell me that...i swear he's like my perfect guy i really really like him please helpx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Infatuation, Infatuation, Infatuation.
I really know its hard, and I'm not going to ask you to get over him. I can't even get over my 'one' so it would be particularly hypocritical.
1. Age difference doesn't matter. It really doesn't unless its in the younger years - experience difference amongst independence restrictions etc can cause problems.
2. Girlfriends, do matter.
He is with his girlfriend. He is being polite. My teacher was polite to me like that and he was a guy. He is not gay, he was not coming onto me. He was just an outfront, blunt person who was very honest and understood my bizzare theorys.
What you bascially want me to say is, go after him, tell him how you feel! Then he'll ditch his girlfriend for sure and you'll get married and have children and grow old and die together.
That is not going to happen. You know that.
People are attracted to their teachers because they are everything that attracts human to human. Extremely smart and full of praise. Dignified, under control. Authoritive.
For one I'm assuming it is a tutor and not a teacher, because if its a teacher at school I'm sure you know the consequences. Tutoring I believe is slightly different.
You say you can't get over him. Here are the options I think you have infront of you.
1. Tell him how you feel. Risk him stopping tutoring sessions and never seeing him again. Also the possibility that he'll do something with you.
Can I just say, you shouldn't sink yourself to the level of 'him using me for sex,' because it'll get you depressed, he'll use you then all sorts of mental problems will occur.
2. Keep it bottled up and tell him at the end of your tutoring. Again, same possibilities.
3. Befriend him, get contact details which I'm assuming you have already, then tell him. Say nothing could ever happen due to his girlfriend.
4. Get over him and move on.
Personally I can't see you even trying to get over him. Not because you can't be bothered or anything but because, like me, it'll just seem too difficult. I'd go for number 3 BUT, he has a girlfriend. You would be telling him how you feel but saying nothing would ever happen because
of his girlfriend. If you were his girlfriend, feeling as lucky as you would do if you 'had him,' how would you feel if he left you for a student?!
Happy?!
Write down the pros and cons of each option, as well as any others you have and think about it. Don't write a letter. His girlfriend could open it, and he could do anything with it. Tell him.
Keep us posted.
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