A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on my situation.I have been with my partner for about a year and a half. It has been amazing. He is the most genuine caring person and i love him to bits.My problem is, Im not sexually attracted to him and i can feel myself losing feelings towards him. Almost like i am subconsciously "friend zoning" him! His been very overweight his whole life and when i met him, his motivation to loose weight and get his health on track was very admirable. He used to basically live off fast food with no exercise. Although i wasn't attracted to him i felt myself falling for his beautiful personality and when he asked me to be his girlfriend i was thrilled. He talked about how he planned to loose weight and set himself a year goal of losing 20kg. And more in the future. I was very proud of him and vowed to help in anyway i could.Fast forward a year and nothings changed. I feel myself getting more and more frustrated. Iv tried going walking with him, cooking him healthy meals to store and eat, getting him an exercise bike and talking to him about how i feel. His joined a gym and gone once in 6 months, started diets that last a week and promised me over and over again that its going to change. I cant sleep with him because he snores so terribly, it causes him bad hygiene at times, he wont swim with me because his embarrassed of his body and different sex positions, well thats out of the question. Im getting tired of the excuses, i'm young, fit and have endess energy, about to study next year and sadly, am bored with him. I take care of myself and he loves it, is it too much to ask for the same thing in return?The thought of breaking his heart brings me to tears, he adores me im his first everything and he deserves the best but i cant control how i feel and maybe im a bad person for it but i just cant change the fact that im not attracted to him and how he looks after himself. I know its not whats on the outside, its whats on the inside and as far as that goes, no one has ever given me what he has, but all i ask from him is that he tries, it doesnt matter if it takes him ages as long as his moving forward. But he just cant. He puts on weight then gets back to his original size. Still a good 40kg+ as to what would be considered healthy for his age and height. Im exhausted for ideas, iv tried encouraging him, "banning" bad foods from him, pouring my heart out to him about how its making me feel... he breaks down and promises and then nothing changes.Are we just not meant to be together? Do i just swallow these feelings and keep encouraging him? Do i break up with him- will that show just how serious i am that something has to change? Does he deserve someone better than me who will just love him for how he is? Any advice would be much appreciated.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 December 2013):
As hard as it may be, it would be better for you to end it. Many people have been in this situation, where they are with someone who is kind, generous, and genuinely good - but there is no sexual attraction. And that is a very dangerous thing for a relationship in the long term. I know of a woman who married a kind man, just because he was kind and she knew he'd make a good father. She wasn't really attracted to him. Of course, a few years ago, she met someone who she was attracted to, and started an affair. The fallout was massive. If only she'd left the kind man years ago, when both of them could have moved on properly.
Same in your case. You're not his mother, so you shouldn't need to be doing what you're doing regarding weight. Also, this is your partner we're talking about, and really you should want to be jumping all over him as he is. If you're not feeling that way, then it's best to end it and find someone who does make you feel that way, while he can find someone who will love him and fancy for him as he is.
Don't play safe with your love life, and don't become a man's mother. As good a man as he is, he's not the one for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): instead of getting him to do execercises like the hateful cycling,jogging etc.,why dont you tell him just to eat less.By less I dont mean diets just less food thats all.And for calorie burning let him join zumba classes,you know anything that is fun and stimulating because working out is boring as hell.
Propose this to him and dont give up on him yet,nice guys like him dont come around often.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (30 December 2013):
What bothers you more? His weight or his lack of will-power?
I'd say move on with the break-up. The worst thing you can do, for him and yourself, is to stay with him out of pity.
I'm sick of this double-standard. If the roles were reversed, he'd dump you in a second. You may think, "No he wouldn't because he's so nice," but I believe that he's only so nice because he can't afford to be an a**hole.
Good luck.
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