A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been having an issue lately concerning those around me and my private life. For starters many of my friends this year have gotten married, are in committed relationships, and have kids. Since this has come to the attention of my mother and sister they been pressing the issue of me getting into a relationship for the fear of me not having kids. (I'm only 23) Not only is my privacy being invaded by my family but others such as my friends. I secretly have a hate for women but don't say anything because no one would understand. The only thing I tell everyone is that I just find dating useless and I like to focus on me and in turn they think I'm kidding. They say things like "oh you haven't found the right one yet", or "Just wait and she will come to you". Little do they know that I just don't give two flying EFFS about women. Anyways how do I stop this berating of my personnel life without revealing the inner hatred I have because I'm just about out of options. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lieutenant  +, writes (30 December 2013):
Getting married and having children at such a young age in this day and age; without the type of family support that people used to have in times past is a recipe for disaster. You are about my age and I don't even date guys my own age group because the lot of them run around like headless chickens. The maturity to be a husband and a father is just not there at that age. There's no need to rush into marriage because you are being pressured by family and friends. Your family will not be present with you in your marriage and the last thing you want is to rush into marriage and then rush right out, getting a divorce at such a young age.
I'm curious to know, why do you habour such "hatred" towards women? Did you get your heart broken by a woman you were in love with? My ex was like that before we started dating. He absolutely hated women because he was completly invested in a woman who lead him to believe that they were in a relationship, when in fact she knew that she wasn't in a relationship with him.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 December 2013):
 this shit is common at your age. just ignore it. all of your married friends with children right now will be coming to you in the next five years, craving the freedom you have and telling you how jealous they are of you. they will kill to trade in their lives for yours. mark my words.
don't fall victim to peer pressure. the majority of your friends will be getting divorces and dealing with child custody issues/child support, while you will still be out living your life and having a blast and being young.
i'm 29 and no kids here. do i want them? maybe one day. but i've still got a few years left to figure that all out. the key is when I'M ready. not when anyone else decides i should be ready.
and honestly, 23 is too young to make those kind of decisions. did you know your brain doesn't even finish fully developing until about 25 for most people? so the person you are at 23 isn't necessarily the person you will be at 30. odds are, most people will change drastically. yet they still wind up making permanent decisions, like marriage and children, based on temporary feelings. and wind up stuck. be glad you're not in their shoes.
good luck, my friend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): I have the same problem as you, as I'm asexual and constantly harassed by my mother to find a gf, whereas I really don't want to and have told her numerous times. For me the thing that really helped was to leave the house for my Master's degree (I stayed at home for my Bachelor's). Once I lived on my own and she knew I could bail again at any time, the mentality that I'm independent finally sank in.Also, you may want to change the image you're projecting. Pretty often people that don't chase women can be stereotyped as shy nerds and that leads into much unwanted attention from people that try to get them out of their shell, thinking they're doing them a favor, while actually annoying them. When they say "you're kidding" or "you just haven't found the right girl", try saying "there is no right girl for me", or "the only right girl is the one I never have to see for more than two seconds". Don't let the argument slide.For me it got so bad that my mom even wanted to invite some of their friends daughters home to meet me, which forced me to behave in a way that embarrassed her in public just to show her how far I was willing to go.Good luck
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