A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I have a question. Does getting back into a relationship with an ex ever really work out?I was with a girl for two years and we have been broken up for a year now. I took it really hard when her and I broke up. I have had 2 short term relationships since the break up but they did not work out. The thing is...my ex girlfriend kind of started doing some bad things towards the end of our relationship, she started acting different and not spending as much time with me anymore. I then found out she was dating another guy behind my back and that she had feelings for him. When I confronted her with this she broke down and said she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me or lose me. I tried to work our relationship out but she did not want to give up this other guy...so I did what I felt was right and broke up with her, but I have always felt really bad about it and I miss her.She stayed with this guy for a while but they have broken up. Anyways, her and I have started talking a lot again. She has said she always felt bad about our break up and that she has always missed me. She's also said that she didn't want things to end the way they did and she didn't mean to hurt me and that she's really sorry about everything. She has mentioned getting back together and trying things out again.I've always really loved this girl...before things got messed up we had an amazing relationship. If I got back together with this girl, do you think it would work out? I mean it's been a year and even though I have forgiven her, what she did will always be in the back of my mind. I just don't know what our relationship would be like. I don't know if it would ever feel like the same again you know? Does getting back with an ex ever work out?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (7 December 2013):
I know a couple who went a year and a half seperated, they are now married.
I've been cheated on before and I never felt the urge to go back to them. Cheating can't be forgiven.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 I don't know from personal experience if it ever works. I have NEVER gotten back with an ex. There was only ONE I would have ever considered going back to, but after we broke up (amiably) we seemed to just take two very different paths, yet we have remained friends some 20+ years now.
I had ONE BF that cheated on me and that last thing I would EVER do, is get back with someone who showed such a HUGE lack in judgement, love and respect for me. Because even IF you can forgive them for cheating, lying, scheming and all the heartache I wouldn't want to re-live that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME.
I don't think I would actually be able to keep the past in the past. It would always be there under the surface. I'd always wait for the other shoe to drop, for the partner to cheat, lie, whatever again.
I believe in forgiveness, but I don't think anyone can really forget.
You are ONLY 22-25 ? And you think she is the ONLY one out there that you can possibly be happy with?
You are her security blanket. If this guy doesn't work out, she can "take" you back... until when? Next time she finds greener grass?
Why do you want to potentially put yourself through that AGAIN?
It's funny (not in a haha way) how cheaters all of a sudden develop a sense of guilt and shame for their actions when it BENEFIT them to have those feelings... AKA so you might feel sorry for her and take her back.
It's your life, so you need to do what you FEEL is right for YOU. My advice is don't do it. Start over with someone new, someone you don't share a past with in the same capacity.
...............................
A
male
reader, LAcreme  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 My sweet lovely creature, I've been there, done and dusted! I adore your courage hanging out with her again after all she put you through, but that's absolutely no reason to get back with her. Just like the others have said, the chord of trust was broken (which is key in any relationship), she was selfish, and had no faith in what you both shared.
Allow her lick her wounds, hopefully, someone awesome will come along and rock her boat once again. Truth is, she has probably learnt her lesson, but please don't make yourself her guinea pig again. I personally wish her well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 So here's the deal. She cheated on you and chose to be with the other guy. This in itself is an insult to you. Then when things didn't work out with him, she comes crying back because she knows that you are always available for her and will take her back.
Do you really think you can get past her cheating? Even when she was caught, she didn't try to save her relationship with you, she wanted the other guy more.
"She has said she always felt bad about our break up and that she has always missed me. She's also said that she didn't want things to end the way they did and she didn't mean to hurt me and that she's really sorry about everything." Rubbish!! Utter nonsense! These are all the tried and tested phrases that are used and don't tell me that you've actually bought this crap! She wants you back now because she doesn't really have any other option and I bet she's been dumped by the other guy and that sucks.
If you still think you can put all of this behind you, then by all means, go for it. But remember, it's not going to be easy and you will always have the past haunting you.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 December 2013):
 Whether or not getting back with an ex works out depends almost entirely upon why the breakup occurred in the first place. Things like moving away from each other, life getting in the way in regards to work or just having different goals in life are things that would warrant giving the relationship another look.
However, and I want to make this abundantly clear to you:
She's a cheater. She cheated on you, dating a guy behind your back and not wanting to tell you because she was hedging her bets and stringing you along in case this other guy didn't work out. She didn't *not* tell you to not hurt you. She didn't tell you because she was hedging. In my opinion, never get back with her again. Even if you did, the trust would be destroyed because of her actions.
Not only that, but this guy *didn't* pan out. Doesn't matter if it's a year down the road - you'll not only have to worry about her cheating again, which is very likely given your age, but you'll worry if she's settling for you because she needs attention and can't bear to be alone.
I would not get back with a cheater. Your ego took a huge hit when you caught her, and consider her wanting to get back with you all the vindication your ego needs. You don't need to get back with her to salve your feelings. You need someone who's going to be as true to you as you will be to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 December 2013):
For me, it's never worked out, BUT we didn't go a full year inbetween.
First, I don't think you should feel bad at all for breaking up with her when you did, because that was the best thing to do. She was trying to have her cake and eat it too and it turns out that the grass isn't always greener...obviously.
I mean, it's been some time, things could be different. BUT, if you do decide to give it another try, I don't think it would be wise to get in too deep too fast. She's already cheated on you before, so it would be hard to trust her.
...............................
|
