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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am in love with my girlfriend and she says she is in love with me. However, our relationship is not without problems. There are still a few complex issues we are working through with the help of a therapist, some of which are not directly related to "us" but to baggage we brought into the relationship. I bought her an engagement ring last September and I have been holding onto it until "everything is resolved" but I realize now that that can be a long time from now or it may never happen. The fact of the matter is that I want this woman to be my wife even with the problems we are having. There was a time in our relationship when things were a lot better and I should have proposed then, but I am an idiot and that time has passed. Do you think it is okay to propose even when we're not the picture perfect couple at present that we were a few years ago or should I wait until there is less turmoil? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): You love each other. You are working together on "problems" that aren't about the relationship at hand (assuming you are being totally honest). This proves you can face challlenges together. Life is short, love is hard to find.
Ask yourself this: is this the person you can live with for the rest of your life, or is she the one you can't live without?
If the answer is more the latter, propose now. If the former, you may be settling and not yet ready.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): As long as you put a lot of thought into what she might like for a proposal I think it's great to propose now. Proposing is both a romantic and commited gesture about your future life together. Getting it right is really important for a woman. Try and imagine how she may like a proposal to go, what she might like to hear, what kind of words of romance and a beautiful rose or roses or her favourite flowers will help! I don't see why not so long as the proposal itself is very uplifting and you are also honest if she has any questions about your future life togeter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): since you love her and want her as your wife,i say "go for it" be happy
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 I think you should wait. I don't believe there is a deadline for marriage. When you have to ask then it's not the right time. It should come so naturally. Explain to her that it's not that you don't want to marry, it's just that you are allowing each other plenty of time to know yourselves better and reassure how much you love her. Try to avoid giving her signs that you are pulling away. Every relationship goes through stages. Few years ago it was better because the problems had not come to surface yet. Turmoil is meant to happen in some relationships. It's one of the signs that you are falling deeper and more vulnerable. It's like peeling layers of the onion until you accept yourself and your love one totally.
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A
female
reader, elizabeth1986  +, writes (9 May 2011):
Oh I think this is lovely! You've said it yourself, you want this woman to be your wife even with problems and I think you've answered your own question. Life isn't perfect, relationships aren't perfect, and I think we need happy occasions and happy memories to drag us out of the bad times. You haven't said what problems you're having but some stability and the confidence boost of somebody wanting to be with you forever, might even help with some of the problems... who knows?
if it goes wrong then it goes wrong, that's life, but don't sit on that ring waiting for perfection because that rarely happens.
Whatever you decide, make it extra special and romantic when you do decide to do it 3 good luck xx
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A
female
reader, turtle escape  +, writes (9 May 2011):
I dont know how bad your relationship is currently. But just keep in mind there is not one relationship that is perfect. The perfect relationship exists only in movies. I say if you truly love her propose and let her decide she wont say yes if she doesnt think its right, and that doesnt mean she doesnt love you it just means that the time isnt right.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 May 2011):
I am in a similar situation to you. I think there is never a perfect time to propose, but that said, you should iron out any fundamentally serious issues before proposing. I guess, if you have found someone who you want to be with, and you know that you are able to get through difficult challenges together, then what are you waiting for? If you believe you can work through issues then go for it.. then spend some time engaged to see how it feels. Sometimes you just have to take a risk and do it.
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