A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Do I have no say over anything because I am a stay at home mom and I don't make any money? Does that give my husband the right to act anyway he wants because he is the sole bread winner and I just have to except all the things he does.. He can act like he is single and do what he wants and becauze I make no money I just have to keep my mouth shut??? I actually I do work a few months out of the year because my job is seasonal.. He says I have no idea what it is like in the real world cause I stay home and do what ever I want to do all day.. ???
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): Maybe you have been too nice for too long, I would let him know where I fit in in this marriage.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Hi. First of all, I want to say that I truly feel sorry for you and your post really disturbed me. Your husband is being so selfish and disrespectful to you and I can only imagine how much his treatment hurts you. I had 2 children and stayed at home for awhile when my son was born and my husband was very understanding and sympathetic. I can't imagine how I would have felt if he had treated me with disdain!
You've tried talking to your husband and you don't get anywhere. May I make a suggestion? Unless you are afraid of your husband becoming mean why don't you take this approach? I've heard of women being told to do this and sometimes it works. Make a list of everything that you do during the day and then put a dollar figure next to it. For example..cleaning the house, doing the dishes..ect...Does he think that comes free? If you had a maid come to your house how much do you think she would charge?? Or a nanny to take care of the children? Or someone to do the grocery shopping? You get the picture..trust me, your husband couldn't afford it!
Don't do it sarcastically, just make a list and say something like "These are the things that I do everyday, and I am not paid for..I do them because I care about our home and our children." This is how much I am worth. Please do not treat me with disrespect. I am worth far more than you are giving me credit for."
This is just a suggestion, perhaps it will open up his eyes. If not, can you seek out the guidance of a counselor? A minister? How about a family member who is sympathetic? And lastly, if you truly cannot talk to your husband or he won't listen...you may want to seriously consider getting out. No wife/mother should be treated the way your husband treats you. I'd be out the door. I wish you all the best honey, I really do. I hope you can make your husband see the light.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): Tell him he has absolutely no clue that a stay home mom works harder than what he does on his job, tell him you will be the sole bread winner and he can be a stay home MOMMY that consist of cooking, taking care of the children like feeding them, bathing them, clothing them, taking them to school, cleaning house, washing, and even making his meals and lunch so even tho he is the sole bread winner he still needs to help around the house instead of going out drinking with his so called buddies.You got all the right in this world to speak your mind and how you feel, you are his wife and not his child so you tell him to shut TFU.You've got to be a nice easy going lady because I would be long gone with my children.I would let him know he has to change his bad attitude and respect me as his wife or we will see each other in divorce court, now this is the good part because he will have to pay child support and pay you alimony so ask him how he like them apples.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 August 2012):
 NO! Being a stay at home mum does not mean you have no say, nor does it mean you are a lesser being than your husband. A marriage is a partnership, sometimes the balance goes this way and sometimes it goes that, but on the whole you are both equal. Don't keep your mouth shut, unless you fear he may become physical tell him to pick up his game. Either way, start preparing an exit plan, if he can't be brought to see the error of his ways this marriage is over, you need to start taking care of yourself and any children you have.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 August 2012):
O really? So does his house magically clean itself? Does his dinner appear on the table out of thin air? Are his children looked after by the fairy godmother whilst you sit around at home all day doing nothing? His attitude is very poor: he doesn’t respect your role at all. A lot of husbands, unfortunately, don’t realise how much goes in to running a home. If he thinks you sit around all day doing nothing, why not actually do that for a couple of days: let’s see how he feels when he has to do all the cleaning, make his own meals, look after the kids and everything else you have to do. You should tell him that you feel disrespected by his attitude and that your contribution isn’t valued. If he wants you to work, he should agree to take on a share of the domestic tasks to enable you to work more regularly. Otherwise, he should change his ways and treat you better.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (20 August 2012):
 You are equal partners and he should treat you with the dignity you deserve. Money should have nothing to do with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): When I say he likes to act like he is single I mean he goes out during the week (and it has been every week lately) and gets drunk with his coworkers. Then I have to put up with the drunk obnoxious him when he gets home. I don't mind if he goes out with friends and has drinks just not every week. He wants to act like a single man but wants me here pining for him to get home..
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 August 2012):
 Don't do all the things you do all day and when he comes home and asks "what did you do all day?"
(clean, dress kids, run errands, prepare dinner, get dressed)
you say "you know all the things I "don't" do all day? I didn't do them)
He clearly has no clue how much work is involved in running a home and raising a family...
as for acting single? what do you mean.
NO he does NOT have the right to mistreat and abuse you because he's the sole bread winner.
my first husband would NOT let me work... he wanted me home raising the kids... he gave me no money and treated me emotionally badly.
I left him.
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