A
female
age
41-50,
*hickb
writes:Does anyone out there ever look at their life and realise this isn't what your life was meant to be like?I'm 27 and am probably going through some life crisis lol!The thing is I know what I DON'T want out of life but I don't know what I DO want!I work in an office -a job I vowed I'd never do. My Boyfriend that I been with for 6 years - sometimes I wonder if I do love him and sometimes I have a huge urge to leave him. He wants kids and I don't-please no one say I will change my mind because I won't!I often fantasize about quitting my job, my boring life and start fresh elsewhere. I feel trapped living at home with an interfering mother.I often find myself wishing I'd get killed or die just so I don't have to live my life, in fact I don't feel im living I just feel like I'mexisting and I need to do something before I go crazy, but what?Please can someone help? Sometimes I feel so desperate and admire those who have no fear and don't care what others think of them. I mean it's only 1 life we get..Thanks
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female
reader, Chickb +, writes (10 July 2010):
Chickb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous& cindy cares- thankyou both for your kind words& advice. My problem is I have no confidence& constantly think "what if leaving my BF/ Job would be the biggest mistake?"
you have both hit the nail on the head with the baby thing& being on the same page. My BF is a good guy& does put up with alot of crap from me but he's never once raised his voice or treated me bad& I trust him& everyone tells me I'm so luck- which I know I am but Im so confused about my feelings for him. Sometimes I resent him& other times I miss him when he's not around.
Anonymous- I don't pay rent as such but I pay for food shopping twice a month& pay the odd bill. What frustrates me the most with my mum is she gets on really well with my BF& when he stays with us sometimes she has a go at me for not making his lunch or for Reading a magazine instead of talking to him etc....
It's not easy for me to admit but I often think of suicide, I doubt I will ever go through with it but it's a comfort to know I can end it if things get to bad.
Caring guy good luck with your business& future plans, I hope things work out for you.
Anonymous I'm sorry to hear you are going through what I am, i hope u also find a job you love& I wish you the best success. Please private message me on here if u ever wish to talk- maybe we can help eachother out.
I have ALOT of thinking to do.... X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I feel your pain. I went through these same thoughts and I'm going through similar situations right now with my life and I can honestly say I'm at that stage where I faintly see the rainbow through all the rain. Hopefully my advice could at least get you there too. I'm about your age and I too was in a dead end five year relationship with my bf that I just had to let go. In fact, I'm the one who finally broke it off over the same non-negotiable subject (except I wanted the kids, he didn't). Let it go girl, just let it go lol. You'll find that it's nothing but dead weight and you'll really resent him for wasting precious time that you could have spent finding the person who is on the same page you're on when it comes to life goals. It isn't the easiest thing to do but believe me, that's the first thing I "chopped off" from my life when I decided to make a change and I feel so much lighter.Second, your job. I understand when you said you never thought you would have such a job that you have right now. But what will you do to change that? What was your ultimate dream? Do you have a degree or experience with a trade to back it up? It's a little harder to jump out and take career risks right now because of the recession. I should know, I'm currently unemployed and honestly hun, I would love to have even an office job to call my own despite my degree in broadcast media. I had the same attitude and literally walked out of my retail job knowing I should be doing what I dreamed of doing since I was little. I just didn't pick the best timing. So my advice on that would be to choose wisely what your next career move would be before you leave behind what you have. If you're not being affected by this recession and you have a plan career wise then go for it.And finally the inevitable interfering, overbearing, and very annoying mother. Moms. They mean well but they don't understand that we're at that age and we'd really like them to give us that space to grow and make our own decisions. It's more difficult though when you're living under their roof. My advice to sort of keep the peace is to try very hard to negotiate. I notice the parents born of the baby booming era are a little stubborn and set in their ways so this is a task. I'm sure you have a plan of moving out once you get yourself situated (which is why you should bare with your job to work on that). If you're helping with the bills and honestly paying your way to stay with her (sort of like a tenant renting), she should be giving you the respect of not meddling. Stress it to her that it's only fair and that if it doesn't stop, you will find other living arrangements. This is just to scare her even if you don't have back-up...parents who haven't kicked their kids out by the legal age subconsciously dread the moment their child leaves the nest. On the other hand, if you're not really helping financially and you're living there strictly as her child, then out of respect, follow her rules until you can move out. Simple as that.My little "two cents" was long, I know, but because I'm currently where you are, I'm telling you what I did to deal. I had the thoughts of "oh if my life just ended, all of this worrying and stress would be over." And that's not healthy. The fact that you know where you want your life to be is enough to live for. Remember that. Good luck hun and I really hope this helped :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 July 2010):
You're not the only one. I'm next to broke. So I'll be starting from the bottom floor all over again. I'm afraid it's very much a case of taking a deep breath and stepping out into the unknown. Some people do it and it works out, some do it and it doesn't. I promise you one thing. If you don't, in ten years time you'll still be in a job you don't like, perhaps with another man you're not sure about. The fact is, you don't want to be in this office job. I seriously doubt that you'll regret leaving it. The key, though, is planning. Now is the time for you to look closely at your life and decide what you want to do. Do planning and research as much as you can. You'll feel far more confident if you know what it is you're aiming for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Knowing what you do not want anymore is already a good place to start for reshaping your life or co-creating a new one.
But try not to focus too much only on the negatives ,on how miserable you are, and the lousy job , the interfering mother, ...the half empty glass. You are putting into that a lot of eneregy that you need to bring about positive changes, plus you increase anything you focus your attention on.
Start thinking instead, or even just dreaming about, what would it be your ideal life.Don't be afraid to dream big- and do not be in a hurry, if you do mot have a magic wand, change is ALWAYS possible,in any situation, but it takes time, and committment, and a bit of courage. And it needs to be backed up by the appropiate actions- just to show the Universe that you mean business :)
For instance,that boyfriend of yours- that's a safety blanket. You are having misgivings about getting married with him, bad sign. One must be SURE she wants to marry somebody ( and even so, not always the marriage succeeds or lasts ! imagine without that type of enthusiasm... ). Plus you disegree about a very fundamental and hardly negotiable issue- having children or not. Do you think the problem is gonna magically disappear at some point ?...
See what I mean ? Drain of energy, and something that weights your life down and prevents new things to come into it.
Sure,change is difficult, and scary. But if you want to fill your closet with nbew clothes, you have to make some room and let go of some of the old ones first....
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A
female
reader, Chickb +, writes (10 July 2010):
Chickb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCaring guy- how do I start afresh? I have no confidence& never had any real independence... I'm at a loss on what to do. I panic all the time thinking what if I quit my job& regret it& then don't find another job or what if I leave my BF & then realise it was a huge mistake??! I'm driving myself crazy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 July 2010):
Yep, I'm in the middle of that because my company is going broke thanks to the recession. I know how it feels to know that all your plans are going nowhere. If you're feeling that bad, then it's time to look at changing direction. Because when I close my company (unless I suddenly get lucky within the next month), that's what I'll be doing. I think you would do better to be alone right now, and focusing on your own life. Your boyfriend adds nothing really, as you're not even sure about how you feel about him. Your job is something you don't want to do. Time to totally change direction and do something else. Go for it.
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