A
female
age
41-50,
*otherhen
writes:Does anyone else feel that by men constantly watching porn means that they will never be really happy with a real partner?Of course most wives will never be as attractive as skinny teen porn stars - because they are not teenage any longer, pert boobs and arse are a thing of the past, especially after a pregnancy or two (or more).I try to look attractive for my husband (on very limited means) but he still prefers to look at teenage girls rather than have actual sex with me. There is nothing i can do about this which is totally depressing. I will continue to get older, we are in no position to even consider cosmetic surgery ( i cant even afford to get my hair cut or dyed at a salon) so the situation as i see it will only get worse?The thing that makes me angry is that men never seem to look at themselves in the mirror with such a critical eye. They also get older, fatter and grumpier but seem to still harbour the fantasy that a pretty 18 year old will turn her head to them rather than make an effort for the woman who runs their home, raises their children, cooks, cleans, does a million different jobs in a day then still wants to have sex with her old fat hubby!Is this all going to end in tears? As much as I want my children to be raised in a 2 parent family can i really sacrifice my self respect to live with a man who prefers porn and his hand to me?
View related questions:
boobs, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (17 September 2010):
Your problem is NOT porn and your children KNOW IT.
Your problem is (mostly) your own low/bad self esteem and self worth which your children can see loud and clear.
Your first step is to get to work improving your own self worth and then take on your husband about his neglect of you - perhaps in marriage counseling.
When you have a better attitude towards your self, your children will benefit first and then you may have an impact on your misbehaving hubs.
DO THIS FOR YOUR CHILDREN who want and need good parental role models to look up to.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (9 September 2010):
 He won't admit a problem even when you make sexual advances and he turns you away for porn huh? What a jerk. I'm very sorry this guy doesn't appreciate you. I'm sure you will find someone who does.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Ah pregnant.. men sometimes get scared of sex when your pregnant. But if he's been turning you away for many years, he has a big problem with porn or his erection.
How did you get pregnant if the man doesn't fancy you?
...............................
A
female
reader, motherhen +, writes (9 September 2010):
motherhen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for taking the time to reply.
He is adamant that he doesn't have a problem (even though he has also been caught looking at prostitutes on his iphone).
I think the only logical answer is that he just isn't attracted to me any more. Not nice but will just have to live with it.
I'm 6 months pregnant, so will hopefully look better than I do right now in a year or so and hopefully can meet someone who is happy with just me. If not then being alone can't possibly hurt any more than he has hurt me in the last 13 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 September 2010):
Millions of older men have sexy wives who are fat, with sagging breasts and wrinkles on her face. They love her, and they still say she's the sexiest woman on earth and they still have an exciting sex life, albeit they have to be more careful due to ED in him and menopause in her. Tons of older people, grey haired and creaky, get married every day. In the UK, we hear scandals of their bad behaviour when they are in the nursing home, getting up to all types of naughty sexy stuff. Old don't mean ugly, sagging is just one of them things that we all go through. We get them sags, them lumps and bumps with age and should bloody be proud of them.
Men love their women, they love sex with their women, and being older doesn't mean they loose their attraction for them. However, some men like porn. They liked it before they got married, after they got married, when their woman was young, and when she got old. Most healthy men love and adore their wife, find her sexy and still like to look at pornography sometimes.
That is not your guy. He's rejecting you. You don't give much details about him, so I'm not sure if he has an addiction to pornography, if he's just bloody rude, or if he has erectile dysfunction which he embarrassed about and trying to hide.
Please update your post. How old is your husband? How often do you two have sex? How often does he ask you for sex? How often does he masturbate alone? Do you enjoy having sex with him? Is your sex life exciting? Has he complained about either the frequency or the quality of sex before? Do you have orgasms? Do you masturbate alone?
Can't deal with your question properly, there is too little information to know what is going wrong.
Have you argued with your husband about his porn habit before? Have you told him how lonely and rejected you feel?
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 I agree with Dirtball about checking out that post.
If this is something that bothers you, you should definitely go to couples counseling. If he is choosing porn over you that sounds like either an addiction or the start of an addiction, which has nothing to do with you or how attractive you are. I'm sure you're beautiful.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 September 2010):
First of all, please don't generalize all men based on your experience here. I love porn, and watch it regularly, but when I have a willing partner, I always choose her. Rosy Palms just can't compare to the real thing!
He has a problem. When people start choosing porn over the real thing, that's a sign of addiction. How does he respond when you talk to him about it? Does he ever have sex with you?
I'd suggest therapy, such as couple's counceling. It may help if he's open to it, however with limited means, that may be difficult. Have you tried to find a compromise, or a way to work it into your bedroom play?
I know it's long, but we do have a pretty good discussion of porn going on here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
We touched on a lot of the issues that you've got going on here and it may help you understand the porn thing a bit better. I seriously hope you can work through this.
...............................
|
