A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can a relationship work if both people have cheated to be together? Will it have a happy ending or not and how long roughly do cheaters stay together before things start to go wrong? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I would say they survive if two primary considerations are met: 1. Both had to have a reason other than lust or selfishness to want to leave whatever relationships they were in to find happiness, and 2. Both have to truly find happiness in each other.
People will instinctively search until then are happy. Sometimes we are not strong enough to end one relationship fully before another begins. Sometimes we find what we search for while we're still involved in another relationship. I do not condone cheating, but relationships are not as clean cut and black & white as we'd often like to think they are. Many people find happiness when they are in the midst of other things in life. Unfortunately, I think far more people let true happiness pass them right by because they are too much in the midst of other things in life. How well we adjust and compromise to meet the happiness of all people involved is the challenge cheaters face. But in the end, I believe many ended relationships where "cheating" was involved often wind up better for all people involved...even those cheated upon. People don't usually cheat when everything is good at home, and I don't believe all cheaters are chronic. Most people who have cheated, stop cheating when they find happiness. But I agree cheaters usually have a lack of insight and compassion. I would agree they are a risk. But they may also be a true visionary of their feelings. In other words, a former cheater who finds true happiness will often be loyal for life and to such a degree as to make non-cheaters who merely settle, look like, well, people who have blind commitment to a shallow relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): It's not me that's done the cheating or anything, a couple who I am friends with, he as cheated on his wife and the girl he cheated to be with cheated on her fiancee who was his best friend...if that makes sense. I ask because I am frineds with them all and do not condone what he as done in anyway and his new relationship is affecting his relationship with his son because he keeps putting her first, I believe if they were no longer together that he would be a better dad to his son as right now he isn't very good and it is a shame. I thought I would ask the question to see what responses I would get and it seems they are all varied so we shall just have to hold out and see what happens. Thank you everyone for your advice/comments
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): I was in a relationship like that. From personal experience it didn't work out for me. We did however last almost 3 years. But one day he left me for another woman, so I would think long and hard on this. It depends on if you love her enough to trust that she won't cheat, cause I loved him enough and he still broke my heart. He always said he would love me no matter what, and now he is with someone else!! I guess all you can do is trust YOUR instincts and follow YOUR heart. All I know is I did mine and now I'm alone, and I would never wish this kind of hurt even to my worst enemy. I loved him more than words could ever say and now I can't wait to hate him. I still love him but I never wanna be with him again and I don't want to see him ever again either. It just brings back too many memories we shared together, and how he threw them all away to be with someone else.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (3 July 2011):
no way will 2 cheaters stay together it won,t be long before one of you cheats on the other one
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (3 July 2011):
 maybe if they both change their ways OR accept each others cheating. pretty obvious really...
accepting your nature is more effective in life than trying to change who you are and what you're about. people have choices but very often we make the same choices over and over again, because behaviour is reptetitive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): who knows?? cheaters rarely make it together because they have so much against them........they also cannot make that transition from cheater into a "normal" relationship.one thing i do know: cheaters rarely prosper.there is an old saying: the best revenge is a life well lived thereafter( or something like that....) meaning the best revenge against cheaters is living well and prospering>
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A
female
reader, zhacha  +, writes (3 July 2011):
It could 'possibly' work if both parties are not happy about their circumstances of being cheaters, and are open to really talk about what lead them to cheat. In other words, if they DID think 'cheating' was wrong and problematic and they regretfully got into there may be chance to maintain the relationship. If it a strong pattern of cheating for 'sport' and convenience then no, they are going to cheat on each other quickly. This is especially true if both parties were cheaters.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 Probably not; but Karma will have definitely run it's course. :^D
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 Could work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): No one knows OP. It can happen but there are so many variables and different situations that you just can't quantify it so simply.
Would I date a cheater? No, there are enough people out there like me that have not nor ever will cheat.
In my experience dating a cheater is a risk, that risk would be doubled if both people were cheaters.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2011):
 maybe
maybe
who knows
in other words... there is really no way to predict what will happen in a particular relationship....
the one thing you should look at is past history and behavior. How long have their other relationships lasted? what caused their breakups? how many times have they left a relationship to go to another relationship?
there is no way to predict the future....
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