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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend came home with a noticeable bruise to the right of his belly button last night and this concerns me. We have had rough sex many times but not recently. I asked him where he got it and he said he has no idea and just noticed it himself the day before. I already don't trust him. And I am having a really hard time with this. Is it possible to get a bruise on the tummy area from rough sex? I am not sure where bruises commonly show up after rough sex.He said it could have been me who did it but it wasn't me. I was not around that area. It would have to take a lot of force to cause this kind of an injury. I am not sure how it would even occur. Could it be from a woman on top? I am not sure how anyone could get that kind of a bruise and not remember when or how they got it. It would have probably caused them pain on the moment of impact. The bruise is brownish and rather large. Almost as if someone had bitten him. I can't be sure. If it was a hickey, would it not be on the reddish side in colour?I just can't believe a man who knows he has an insecure girlfriend would be that blatant and careless about allowing another woman to get so rough with his body that it would leave evidence?He swears up and down there is noone else.I am starting to hate him because of the anxiety I am feeling about what he could possibly be up to. I would like some advice on what I should do.Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 I get bruises all the time and I never know where they come from. I would be horrified if my partner accused me off cheating because of this. Honey I think you need to work on your own issues. Have you always been insecure in relationships or does he bring out the worst off it? You need to try and get this under control so that you can have a happy healthy relationship.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (31 December 2016):
 What does he do for a living? What does he do for exercise? How old is he? Is it possible he has an underlying health condition? When was the last time he saw his doctor?
Why would a mysterious bruise elicit suspicion and not sympathy from you?
Have you been worried for just a short time that he's cheating or is this concern something you've been dealing with for the past few years?
Has he ever cheated on another woman in his life?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (31 December 2016):
 My mum gets bruises all the time and has no idea they're even there, sometimes. She woke up with a black eye and everyone thought my dad had hit her, but the doctor said it was just blood vessels that had burst for no apparent reason.
This isn't enough to say cheating.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 December 2016):
 So just because he is quiet and doesn't talk about his feelings with you, you assume he is cheating? Really?
Re the bruise, I am a fairly clumsy person and constantly bumping into things. At the time I think "Ouch, that will leave a bruise" but guess what? By the time I notice the bruise, I have completely forgotten about what caused it and truly cannot remember what happened BECAUSE IT WAS NOT IMPORTANT!
If you don't trust him, you need to dump him and find someone you do trust, although I suspect you will struggle to find such a person as you seem desperately insecure. Perhaps a better path to take would be to work on your self esteem and confidence?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (30 December 2016):
 I don't think the bruise is concrete evidence of anything. It could be from rough sex - or from absolutely anything else, really. He could have bumped into something - a counter, a car door, you name it.
I think the better question is what other reason or reasons he has given you not to trust him, because it sounds as though trust was already an issue in your relationship prior to this, and I don't believe gut feelings in general ought to be ignored. He might well be up to no good, but this alone doesn't prove it. What has he done in the past?
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (30 December 2016):
I have a HUGE bruise on my hip right now and I have no idea how it got there. It doesnt hurt, plus I'm single and have had no sex, so the bruise on its own doesn't prove anything. The real question is why don't you trust him? Has he cheated before?
If he has given you reason to not trust him, my advice is to leave and find a more trustworthy partner. If not, I suggest you find a good therapist and start working through your issues before you drive him away for good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): Hello Aunty Susie, it's the OP. No, he doesn't have a history of cheating that I know of. He's just more introverted than I am and not as open emotionally. He isn't the type to express his feelings and isn't overly demonstrative. So, maybe that is where the insecurities come from?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Does he have a history of cheating? Or is this just coming form your insecurities?
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