A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:MODNOTE FREE UK resources added by the Moderator: http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/if-you-are-a-woman-experiencing-domestic-violence.aspx Phone 0808 2000 247 in UK and http://www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/our-services/helpline/ . . . . . . . . . . my bf started out so sweet, but he suddenly has become very different. He rages at me sometimes if I do something wrong and its like he is someone else when we go to bed. He is at times totally out of control. He smacked me against the wall and i banged my head he has done this on 2 occasions and always apologises later but im worried that it might go further. While ago we were watching tv and he started to get all touchy feely with me and it probably my fault cos I didnt respond how he wanted to but he ended up trying to force himself on me and almost ripped my blouse off. He had been under so much pressure at work and is like that quite a lot recently.We used to have a wonderful love life and it was so sweet and romantic and fun. He would make love so passionatly and I really felt he was my ideal man.I really wanted to have a family but said he doesn't so he insists that i am on the pill plus he always wears protectionBut he is either mr Jeckle or Mr Hyde at the moment I am so scared most of the time. His brothers has been in trouble a lot with stuff , we live only 2 roads away from them and they are always together recently, Im worried that perhaps his brother has said things and twisted his mind. Help please.
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female
reader, prettydiamond +, writes (24 January 2017):
PLEASE LEAVE!
Dont tell him your going to leave in person, just disapear, and call him later. I just hope he doest turn into one of those obsessive angry men, so maybe don't tell him where u are either.
Plus I don't think you should trust him because of his brother's situation cuz they might think that you'll snitch.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 He is an abuser. At the beginning he tried to hide his feelings well but now he feels he has you where he wants you he can lash out. Believe me when I tell you this will only get worse. He will keep going until he rapes you and possibly beats you to death. Don't allow this. You are stronger than this. Go to a family member for help. If you don't have any ring the phone numbers you have been giving, go to the police. Just get out and get yourself safe. Please let us know how you get on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017): I'm pretty sure that this is not normal behavior and is likely to escalate. I would dump him ASAP.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (31 December 2016):
 Leave immediately. Nothing you can do can change how he treats you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2016): Get out while you still can! This is only going to end badly.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 December 2016):
 Just two words of advice: GET OUT!
This situation is already escalating. How much worse does it have to get before you realize how much danger you are in?
PLEASE PLEASE look after yourself and get out of this abusive relationship.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 This not your fault. He has problems, big problems, and you will never be able to help him. He will only ever hurt you. And you will never change him. You must walk away now, and be grateful that you have not had a child with him. To start believing that you brought any of this on yourself, tells me that you have very low self-esteem, and men like him will only ever prey on you. Seek help for yourself now, otherwise you will continue to involved these types of destructive relationships. Your are worth more than that. Please get help now. Respect yourself and others will respect you. You deserve to be valued and loved.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 His brother didn't "make" him become abusive. So PLEASE do not make up excuses for his behavior.
WHY are you staying with him after he laid his hands on you the FIRST time?
Hei s NOT two different guys, he is a part good guy (when he WANTS to be) and abusive (when he wants to be THAT).
HE knows how BOTH behaviors affect you (and others) ABUSIVE people are not assholes 24/7. If they were they would be SO easy to spot, wouldn't they?
No most abusive people are VERY good at putting on a "perfect guy" act to DRAW people in. People like you.
The reason you have written in to DC is because you KNOW it's NOT OK for him to do what he has done to you.
YOU need to get out.
Can you imagine what would happen if you DID have kids? You think he would STOP laying a finger on you? Do you think he would STOP being who he is? What kind of upbringing would THAT be for a kid to watch his/her mom get occasionally smacked around? Or being smacked around themselves?
YOU need to find a SAFE way to leave.
USE the resources given by the MODERATOR. PLEASE!
Call ASAP : Phone 0808 2000 247
STOP making excuses for him. MAKE sure you have EVERYTHING important to you, documents, photos, valuables etc. extracted and kept in a safe place (family/friend you can trust)
HE wants you scared because a SCARED woman is WAY easier to control than someone who IS NOT scared.
Call the hotline, TALK to someone and GET help with a SAFE exit strategy. ASAP don't wait til he puts you in the hospital or he kills you.
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