A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:the other day my boyfriend said he didn't think he was ready for a long term relationship after 2 and a half years, and ive recently found messages from another girl on his phone saying that they miss each other etc. ive suggested that we dont split up and carry on as we are only in an open relationship so we can see other people for a while. is this a good idea?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): I also have just had a very similar experience only my x says that there isn't anything going on,bitter that i am i never thought he would even txt another girl(she is an x aswell)I have decided that enough is enough and I feel so much better for making that decicion, its not going to be easy for me as I have no self confidence and I am terrified of another regection, but I just carnt humiliate myself anymore by texting, and beating myself up because of his weaknesses i think that you need to ditch him then spend some time for a mope and then relise that he isn't the one anymore but there has got to be someone out there you will recieve just as much back.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I definitely don't think it's a good idea to have an open relationship, it will only end in resentment for the other person and a tremendous amount of hurt and feelings of worthlessness. He's seeing someone else, he's hinted at you that he doesn't think the relationship is working out, he's gone off you and moved on. Have some pride in yourself and move on. Don't cling to someone who doesn't love you fully. Let him go and move on.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I tend to beleive that we should NEVER settle. Having been in awful, apathetic, unemotional relationships as well as, respectful, loyal, passionate, amazing relationships - I can tell you that had I stayed with the guy(s) that didn't meet my needs or that failed to fully honor me, I would have never met the awesome guy I am with now. I think you should let go of your relationship. I think you would be holding on to it not because it will ever get better, but just out of fear. Love has no place for fear - or disrespect. Your boyfriend sounds like an ass. Don't disresepct yourself by glazing over an offense like cheating. You deserve better. Good luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 That "open relationship" deal is only a good idea and will only work if both people are in total agreement. If you guys can be okay with each other dating another person while carrying on with your own relationship then great, go for it. It would never work for me but everyone's different.
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A
female
reader, Odette +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I think the question you ought to ask yourself is do I want to be with a man who doesnt want to be with me? If he doesnt want to take things further after two and a half years there really isnt anywhere else to go. Regardless of the nature of the relationship with the other girl at present its only a matter of time before he finds someone else to share his time with if he isnt sharing it with you. Only when you let go of something are you free to welcome new experiences
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): its definatly not a good idea if you seriously love this guy and want things to work out. I am in a similar situation with my bf only minus the texts. After 3 years he doesnt know what he wants in a relationship and im just letting things carry on as they are until i can get out there and meet new people. If you want to meet someone else but also want to see your bf then go for it, but then again if you meet someone who wants a long term relationship and you love your ex then you will be playing around with feelings and thats not right. I think you need to sit down and talk it out with your boyfriend on what exactly is going on, if he says he doesnt want a relationship and you do then forget him and go and meet other people x
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