A
male
age
30-35,
*reon
writes:Is this a legitimate reason to end an 3 month engagement and a four year relationship?February 25th 2013, I’m 23 and my ex-fiancé is the same age. 4 months ago my fiancé broke up with me because of something I did, or rather did not do, a few days prior. Before the incident (28th October 2012) there was nothing to suggest the relationship was on a downward spiral. If anything it was getting better than ever – we had our fallouts and arguments sure, but we worked on them together and hadn’t had a major argument since the previous Easter (2011).Okay so the basically, the reason she felt the relationship and the engagement had to end was something that happened whilst we were at the cinema one evening. The whole day we had been looking forward to seeing the film in question. I had booked the tickets to an IMAX showing, hoping to make it an evening to remember. I drove her there so she could enjoy herself. Just as we were about to give our tickets to the usher, she took a funny turn and in a moment of panic I raised my voice. Needless to say we were outside the cinema in front of a few people arguing. Okay. However, that wasn’t a problem, we made up and went back into the theatre and took our seats. She even told me “Calm down, don’t worry about it” so I thought okay.The film starts. Twenty minutes later she says she feels faint and gets up and leaves. I asked her “Are you okay shall we leave?” But she was already halfway out of the aisle. And for the rest of the film I wait for her to come back, but she doesn’t. I should have gone to her, but I didn’t. She could have asked someone to come and get me, but she told me it is the cinema’s policy not to come back and find me.So the film ends, she is still out there. We don’t speak on the way home and I hear nothing from her until 31st of October. As a Halloween event, we had planned on going on a boat ride. She was texting me that morning updating me on the trip, how much the tickets were, and what time they were leaving. I was under the impression I was still going. However, due to bad weather it is cancelled. Of course, the cinema situation is still playing on my mind. I felt so bad so guilty that I didn’t go and see her. I had even become a first aider just so that when the time comes I could be there for her.The end of the story is, she agrees to meet up with me and talk and she promptly ends the relationship and the engagement not less than enough hours after talking about the Halloween boat ride.It was a weird sensation for the next few days/weeks. We didn’t really talk. She wouldn’t change her Facebook status. She said that she’d considered forgiving me for not going to see her at the cinema, but because I panicked one evening after finding out she had spent the night with a mutual male friend she said “No I guess I cant forgive you”.So really since then it’s been a case of no contact, low contact, pushing and pulling from both ends. It is difficult seeing as we are in a small tight group of friends and cutting her out is not really an option, I don’t want to commit social suicide of course. So I channelled my thoughts onto paper and onto word. Instead of hassling her and begging her back, I took steps to analyse myself and the relationship. I am obviously on her mind. One evening, she even felt it necessary to return the engagement ring – in front of our friends in a pub. Needless to say I left without saying a word without causing a scene.I wrote up a list of pros and cons, for and against the relationship just to keep my head straight. 43 cons against 220 pros keeps me sane – 200+ times I went out of my way to be with her and to help her through tough times. Once, she phoned me out of the blue at 6am one morning (2010) to say she had been involved in a car accident. Thankfully she wasn’t injured, but as soon as she phoned me I jumped in the car half dressed and drove the 30 miles to come and pick her up without any regards for my own safety or plans.We see each other socially and she is constantly bringing up our relationship in a subtle way even to the point when she mentions an inherently personal in-joke between us which leaves her embarrassed because friends have no idea what she is talking about. She also keeps referring to me by pet names. Again, she is bringing up our past and reminiscing about us. She also makes comments about how much she ‘misses’ elements of us such as my family and our hobbies.I just wondered if anyone thinks that not going to see her at the cinema when she felt faint is reason enough to simply terminate an intense 4 years and 3 months. Moving on for me isn’t really an issue; I’m just trying to arrange my head so to speak.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Creon +, writes (10 June 2013):
Creon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's now decided to enter a relationship with ANOTHER mutual male friend who was the first person that showed her interest (they were both expressing fears of being lonely and being single forever -_- ) and as such surgically removed any sort of feeling I once had for her. I came to the conclusion that this is a good thing as it allows me to work on my career and not be held back by these sorts of problems. Thanks for your feedback!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): YOu should have checked on her, but she is a big girl, there has to be another reason as to why she ended your engagement, especially since you two have been together for so longl.
Perhaps she got last minute cold feet and decided she didn't want to marry you so young.
She sounds very immature and not ready to be anyone's wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): She is so immature and passive aggressive that it is good riddance that she ended this relationship. You would have been spared a similar ridiculous roller coaster marriage. She would threaten divorce at the drop of a hat and then jump into another man's bed right after. You don't need this. let her play her silly games and drama by herself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): I can say my husband would have come to look for me if I did not return after a few minutes.
Also what is the nature of the relationship that she had a night over at a male friend?
Did something happen and is it out of guilt she ended the relationship.
The reason I am asking as she cant seem to let go her past with you but also does not want to come back to you?
I think it best you move on and limit the meetings with the ex as she sounds like she will drag you down if you try and move on as she is not over you.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (1 March 2013):
I say iron things out before saying I do... Are you sure you want to get hooked in a relationship with little petty stuff like this? If you're having problems doing the engagement, I wonder what the marriage would be like.
Think twice, a wedding can cost very little but a divorce can set you back many years.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 February 2013):
As you're aware that's a pretty uncaring thing to do and I doubt that's the first time you've done things that have made her feel like you don't care about her. She probably just decided that the two of you aren't right for each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): Could be a last straw move too. Has she ever talked to you about not caring enough? Not trying hard enough? Not communicating or showing your feelings?
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A
female
reader, wonderbread +, writes (28 February 2013):
The question your asking is honestly subjective to the person you're asking. For me, no. I think that's a petty reason to end the engagement, but to someone else it probably seems justified.
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