A
male
age
41-50,
*2621
writes:I'm starting the process of shopping for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It seems like I've been reading up on them for hours, learning about the quality, cut and color. But I cannot seem to find a good way to determine carat size.I know that 2 months salary is the gauge used in purchasing a ring, and my thinking is to figure out the perfect size for her finger and then tweak the diamond rating values until I get to my price limit so she has the best stone I can find. I do not know her ring size... But these are the things I do know that might help in answering my question. - she is 4'10" and weighs about 88 lbs, so she is tiny and has proportionately small hands and fingers- she likes round cut, solitaire rings. (Most sites I've been reading say that the round cut diamonds look bigger because of the surface space and the way they are cut)- she has told me numerous times that she doesn't need a flawless diamond... As long as it looks good to the naked eye, she doesn't care about the cut, clarity and color unless they are noticeable. Any feedback on this would be GREATLY appreciated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): After awhile, you'll start to get a much better idea of how inclusions affect the appearance of a diamond. I also suggest doing a google search for truth about diamonds, and spend some time reading for information.Personally, I went with a diamond that had a less perfect cut, but decent clarity. My (now) wife wanted a princess cut (square). The diamond I bought was not perfectly square (it's somewhat rectangular), so its rating in terms of its cut was a bit lower. However, unless you know what to look for, it is not something you'd ever notice.Going with lower clarity will allow you to get a bigger diamond. But, look at the imperfections carefully in a diamond before you buy it to make sure they are something you can live with. Two diamonds with the same clarity rating might actually be quite different in terms of how noticible the inclusions are. I think it comes down to spending some time looking at many diamonds to find a specific diamond that has the best trade off in terms of what you're looking for.Personally, I asked my wife what she wanted, and we picked out the ring together. She selected a very non-traditional ring that I would never have picked. But, she loves it, and it worked out very well.Personally, I think the 2 month rule is a bit much. Diamonds are a poor investment, so it has to be a very high priority item to warrant that kind of expense. But, what is "right" for a particular couple is entirely up to them to decide. For me, I spent about 1 month's salary, but I actually found the entire process to be very interesting and I was very comfortable/happy with the final choice we made.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Just ask her what she wants. Its for her after all.
2 months salary! are you serious? Why spend it on this? wouldn't a nice vacation together be a much better use of such a huge sum of money??
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (1 March 2013):
 "she has told me numerous times that she doesn't need a flawless diamond... As long as it looks good to the naked eye, she doesn't care about the cut, clarity and color unless they are noticeable."This to me sounds like she wants a bigger rock. If she doesn't care about the clarity, cut or color, it means she is not really concerned or interested in quality. And if you're not interested in quality, then you're interested in the size. :) It's hard to say what carat she would be happy with. My best advise to you is to ASK her. Ask her to give you her either a range, or better yet, what carat she actually wants. Your best bet is to take her to the jeweler and have her pick what she wants. IF however you both want a more traditional approach, ask her to link you images of what she likes. You may be surprised. But above all, and I really want to stress this: do not guesstimate. If you don't know exactly what she wants, don't get it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2013):
 She's TINY... anything over a carat will see huge...
let me tell you my parents engagement story...
1956.. my dad took my mom to the diamond district in NYC where they lived to look at diamonds... she was all of 18...
they picked a STUNNING PERFECT blue white diamond (not a ring just the stone)... it was just over 1 carat and it was perfect... it was my dad's price range. MOM was not happy because all of her girlfriends were getting rings of 2 carats and she said "it's so small" (I kid you not...) Dad (being a financial manager) knew his limits and told his then fiancée, "that's fine dear you may have a bigger stone of lesser quality or you may have this perfect stone, whatever YOU want is fine with me"
The stone that now sits in my engagement ring is my mothers ONE CARAT perfect blue white diamond... my father gave it to me when my mother died...
the point is that you need to listen to what she wants.
I'm not a huge believer in buying the perfect ring and giving it as a gift... I much would prefer her to get to pick what she really wants and loves an will wear with joy and pride...
IF you want to have a surprise proposal.. maybe put a cigar band in a ring box and when she opens it say "I did not want you to have what was NOT perfect for YOU, so let's shop for this together"
of course some women really want that bended knee big ring in the box thing... only you know what will please your lady...
blue white or colorless diamonds are the most expensive but they are the standard... she probably wants a very traditional ring...
and I"m betting her ring size is TINY like a 4 or so.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 When it came time to give my now-ex-wife a ring.... I told her, "Nothing is too good for my girl....".... and that was what I gave her.... NOTHING....
She stuck with me for fifteen years.......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 If you are buying the ring as a surprise then I wouldnt worry about the ring size, just buy the ring and then it can be adjusted afterwards to fit her finger.
In terms of carat, that is normally the major factor that determines price. So really it will be more about what you can afford! 1 carat is a nice size, although 0.75 carat isnt hugely different to look at compared to a 1 carat. 2 carats is BIG, so if she is a delicate girl with small hands then I'd suggest you dont go above 1 carat otherwise it will overwhelm her hand.
So the best thing you can do now is work out your budget (there are no rules about how many months salary it should be - it should just be what you can afford), go into a jewellers and talk to them. Tell them you are looking for a round cut solitaire, and you would like to see some options that are between 0.5 and 1.5 carats (this will get them to bring you a decent selection over). They will ask if you want gold/silver/platinum etc, and again this will influence price. 18 carat gold is best, but you could get a lower grade of gold and it wont make much difference to the look but will reduce the price. Platinum is better quality and lasts longer, but is slightly more expensive than gold.
All girls like the idea of a huge rock on their fingers, however I tried on a 2 carat ring in Cartier and it was just way too big and I didnt feel comfortable wearing such an obviously blingy rock! So I think if you stick to somewhere close to 1 carat you cant go wrong.
Dont worry about the rest, I'm sure she will love the ring no matter what you get her : )
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 February 2013):
 seems like she's in it for the ring. There is no element of love in it, seemingly.
I would talk to her and ask her what the deal is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): I would take your fiance with you to pick out a stone/ring/setting that she likes that way she will get something she really likes and you can have fun looking for it together. Good luck.
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