A
female
age
41-50,
*ia
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for six months. Then today he tells me that he went out with a female friend of his and they went drinking and then he ended up sleeping at her place because it was late at night! I was a bit shocked at this news, but he said, 'Nothing happened between us.' Still, the funny thing is I know this woman is into him -she's always flirting with him and stuff, so i can't help but think it's dodgy for him to be there with her, drunk as well. What do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): DUMP HIM! He should not have done this, even if nothing happened, there are other ways to get home.
A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (23 March 2007):
 i think lias advic about going and seeing the girl is good advice.you can drive yourself round the bend swirling all the different scenes round in your head.word of warning though expect the worst from her ie.she lies,goes mad,laughs.anything else will be a bonus.sounds like hes salved his guilty conscious going halfway with the truth but as is human nature hes not going to be completely honest is he?maybe hes scared of losing you.i hope whatever the reasons behind this hes treating you better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): This bloke is very dodgy, sorry, but that is how i feel. Why does he have to sleep at their place, even if he has had too much to drink. Hasn't he heard of taxis? He crashed at someone's house who is in to him! Er, my head would be racing by now! I don't think i would be too chuffed with my bloke if he announced he had done that and you had to ask what happened. Of course, he isn't going to admit to sleeping with her, is he? He wants his cake with jam and eating it at the same time. Sorry but i would get rid of this one, you have been going out with him long enough for him to stay true to you. Tell him to buggar off!!
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 This is just wrong on so many levels. Its just one of the things you S T O P doing when you're in a relationship. PERIOD !! It's not appropriate. I don't care how secure someone is.
There is a certain radar we have built in that is used to detect things that smell bad. This stinks. We use this radar to protect the things others try to take away from us. We use it to protect our investment in the relationship. It doesn't mean a person is insecure or there are underlying problems. It means the dude went out alone and went back to spend the night a females house. It raises concerns, just because it DOES. No magic or hocus pocus.
If anyone thinks the worst, they'd have reason to. Not many people would be thrilled with this scenario.
eddie
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Maybe nothing really did happen - it takes two to tango. At the end of the day, if he was doing something wrong then he may well have kept it a secret and not told you he stayed there. No one can tell you 100% if he has lied or not. Only you can be the judge of that. If you dont want him staying at girls homes then tell him it is not acceptable since he is in a relationship with you and see how he reacts. What you have to remember is that if he wanted to cheat then he would just do it - day, night or anytime! The fact that he stayed at her house is not so much of a problem as your reasons for mistrusting him. You can only work through that by talking to him about it.
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A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (23 March 2007):
Lia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Tellulah, that helps :) Just to clarify: he didn't tell me out of his own will - I actually asked him what had happened. So maybe he would've kept it a secret if I didn't ask? Now isn't that dodgy??
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Hi,
It does sound dodgy but, maybe he is telling the truth. Tell him your not happy he has done this, and dont want him to ever do this again.
Did he have to tell you or would you have found out anyway. Because if you wouldn't have found out, I think he is being honest and you should trust him for telling the truth. If he has only told you because he is scared that you would have found out, that a different story.
Hope all goes well XX
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A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (23 March 2007):
Lia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to add: Do you think it's dodgy for a guy in a relationship to be drinking with female friends and crashing at their houses?
Thanks!
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Dear Lia,
Thats hard to say..but i wouldnt really flip out about it the truth will come out sooner or later atleast he told you that he did that, i would give him one more chance to see what happens and if it happens again then you should tell him once was reasoniable but more then that you arent having it, just watch and see how he acts towards you usally when a guy cheats he will feel guilty and act diffrent towards you where he wont touch you and his attitude will change but just watch him closer then befor...personially i would go confront that girl but thats up to you cause it can cause bigger problems but follow your heart
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