A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hmmm. I'm a little confused here.So around January, the most amazing 6 or 7 months that I've had w/ anyone. My girlfriend broke up w/ me almost w/o a warning. No fight, no bad feelings, nothing. She freaked out on the phone and after crying hysterically for an hour, we broke up. Well, a few days later I gave her a call and we talked about it and agreed to meet the following weekend. And when we did, things were amazing. We made love, had fun and talked about why she did what she did. She said that she had just gotten out of a really bad relationship before me and she just needed to be single. Well, the next weekend she came out to my place again and we had another wonderful time and she said those three magic words "I love you." A couple weeks after that she and I talked and she was scared b/c nothing had changed and she was feeling suffocated again. I reassured her that nothing really needed to change and we were fine. We hung out every weekend for about 5 weeks and then she started to get wierd again. We had the exact same conversation last weekend. She assures me that she loves me and I am almost positive that she isn't seeing anyone else. But, I am lost. How am I suppossed to act around her? What do I do w/ this "relationship?"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): i think your girlfriend is feeling pressured. it sounds like she likes you but also is playing hard to get. I recomend talking to her straight and telling her what you think, after all you deserve to know your place in this relationship. Honesty is the best form of communication after all.
A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (23 March 2007):
I agree with elecra, if you suggest a bit of space between you, like month or so, she should start to miss you. Because you never know what you have got untill its gone, or you risk losing it. I think she just doesnt know what she has with you or appreciate it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): Sounds like she's unsure, of being in a committed relationship right now. I think you and she need to talk. Ask yourself this: how does she really, really treat you? Judge and discern behaviors and actions, here. Love blinds our common sense sometimes. Think sensibly and use rationale. Does your happiness, well-being, future and life come before hers according to her actions? Anyone can say they love someone else, but it's very hard to fake. If she's truly committed and caring with you, her actions will scream it from every ounce of her being! When someone does care deeply, the actions are always more accurate than what they say. So if she is having these weird moments and saying 'she feels suffocated', all I can surmise is that, she's likely not ready to commit for now. Ease back a bit and give her space. This is a risk because one doesn't want to lose that person. But, it's an essential risk because fear can't rule any healthy relationship. Fear will prevent you from doing all sorts of things in your life - including having the relationships you want and richly deserve. So let's face it, if she's hedging then she may not be the one for you. She may have to go it solo, to really learn about herself and what she wants in a love relationship. And that's okay. She's young and she may want to spread her wings and sow some wild oats. And I have the feeling, you want a woman in your life, that will give to you as completely and mutually as you are doing with them. Accept this first--and have that talk with her. If you find out she's not ready, then think about letting her go to find herself. It's a tough call, I know. But you seem to know what you want and she doesn't. Continuing with her, when she's unsure...is not being fair to you. Good luck and make the best decision for your happiness. Take care.
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A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 heya, maybe she seems to feel insecure abot herself because of the past. dont act differently around her, be yourself, what i think is that she is afraid that you are not the guy that you really are, so in my opinion, be true to her yea. good luck :)
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A
female
reader, electra +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Hi Sweetie
Well to be honest i can completely understand why your so confused, man what is you g/f's problem you sound like a really sweet guy and she is obviously in love with you and you with her... when you broke up the first time you say you both talked about why she did what she did, well what reason did she give? the suffocation thing ok, so maybe cool things down just see he maybe once or twice a week give her a chance to miss you and see what a great guy u are! or maybe even suggest a break between you for a month or so.... then she will starty missing you an realise how great you really are....
i hope my advice was able to help you out a little bit, good luck with your problem... if you ever wanna talk or need a friend just to listen come and find me ok i'm always here for you ok
Take Care :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): I have felt - and often still do - the same as your girlfriend. Most of the time I don't understand my anxieties and claustrophobia either but I can assure you it's got nothing to do with my boyfriend (or you). My issue stems from a past relationship with a guy who felt like he owned me. I think I built up a lot of walls since then and it's when I get closer to my guy that i feel out of control and vulnerable - and then the anxiety and clautrophobia!
The thing to do is to be VERY patient - give her space when she needs it and embrace her when she needs it. I know it must be very frustrating for you, but it is for her too! Tell her you understand and will be there for her, it's the best thing to do. In time she will start feeling secure and learn to trust again. It's taken almost a year for me and I'm only just coming out of it. Hang in there - and believe her when she says she loves you!
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A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (23 March 2007):
 I admit, this is quite a mind-boggling issue because SHE's the one who is saying she loves you and SHE is having a wonderful time with you, so how can she be feeling suffocated? Could it be that she's scared of relationships - perhaps is she afraid of getting hurt? I would suggest that you should back off a bit. Obviously, still chat to her, etc, but maybe let her take the lead for a bit. For example, let her initiate contact a bit and define the pace of the relationship. But aside from that, don't stress too much about what you should do - you've done nothing wrong and it's really her own issue. Just be there for her and give her a bit of space. Hope that helps! Let us know what happens!
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