A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just looking for opinions if you think my sexual history is bad. im 19 nearly 20. before my bf i have had sex with 4 guys, all of whom i was in a relationship with or had strong feelings for. In about 4 years i have hooked up (made out) with about 25 guys, most in clubs. i have been asked many times by people to do more in clubs, go home with them etc but i would never do that. i have never had a one night stand/threesome. i have kissed my female friend when i was younger. my bf finds this bad and cannot get over it
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female
reader, HelenaBala  +, writes (22 July 2009):
First of all, you are not a slut, nobody has a right to make you feel like you're a slut, tell you that you are one, or hint at you being one. So, your boyfriend and you need to sit down and have a nice little talk about why a PAST is called a PAST. Explain to him that you are devoted to making this relationship work, and that what happenED before really shouldn't matter. It seems like he might be a bit jealous or insecure, and that he is reflecting these feelings onto you. So please don't start thinking badly of yourself. You did what you did. You slept with who you slept with. I'm sure you made a couple of mistakes as well...but we're all human, and we all do things that at some point in our lives we stop being proud of. But we learn from them and MOVE on. This should serve as something that brings you and your bf closer, and helps you get to know eachother better, and appreciate eachother for the good and bad in your pasts! Use it as a positive instead of a negative!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): history is just that , its history, one lover or 100 hundred, focus on how you are being made to feel now both physically and emotionally. Trust yourself and then live with your decision. If your bf or anyone else tries to make you feel bad for something you did, well thats their issue. If you feel bad about anything you did then thats your issue.
Youve nothing to be ashamed of sounds like you only hook up with someone you care about, time for him to get over his issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I understand, because i had a bad history with an ex and compared to him, my husband is a dream. Compared to anyone really.. he is a dream. But i can't help but be paranoid. I have trust issues due to my past and I give him a hard time because of it. I can't overcome what he did to me and therefor take it out on my husband. He is an angel about it: sweet and loving and patient and always helps and answers my paranoid questioning. I know he isn't like the others and i trust him deep down with all of my heart but I still can't help but be how I am. I am getting better though, over time. I am almost completely rid of my paranoia thanks to him. I guess that's what your man needs.. your patience and love and maybe one day he'll learn to overcome and realize that you really love him and would not do it again. He has to know that you don't think of any of those past men and also don't think of othe rmen while you're with him..
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I was once with a woman who had been with 16 guys before me. I didn't find out until about 6 months into our relationship. I will admit that it did affect me at first. Why in the hell would she give herself to so many guys. I did think she was slutty for that. I really did enjoy her companionship though. She was the sweetest most loving person I knew and I was falling in love with her. Some of us guys can be weird at times though. I, too, began to question about what is was like for her being with all those guys. I wanted details, like how they did it, where they would do it, who had the bigger penis, who fucked her the best, the steamy details you know. I always asked myself why she was so good at giving sexual pleasure. To this day she was the best sexual partner I ever had. So I did feel jealous at first but I really cared so much about her that I just managed to but her past aside. Besides, I was no angel either. In the end it was HER extreme jealousy that caused me to end the relationship believe or not and not the fact that she had been with so many guys.
Anyway, you really don't have the need to let your bf know how many guys you were with. Many guys won't like to hear about your past, if you have one. Some will even lose respect for you. They will look at you like a piece of meat. Play with you for a little while and then dump you. What's done is done. If your current BF can't deal with your past and it's a problem now then it will be a problem later. Let him go. Otherwise tell him it is your past and one you are not proud of. Just tell him you were younger and made mistakes. Just be straight with him. Either deal with it or take a hike. It is what it is. Now, let me be honest with you, I kind of enjoyed hearing my former gf describe the sexual details from her past. I didn't like it too much but my curiosity caused me to ask and her responses did turn me on which provided us some hot sexual moments. If your bf gets angry and upset with you when you respond to his questions about your past then he has some issues he has to deal with. At this point the problem is him and not you. And in the future, try not to be so honest about your past with future bf's. It is nobody's business. Just make sure you are clean and healthy from any sexual diseases and try practicing safe sex. You can always catch something sleeping with many people and that is not good either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): i do not think your sexual past is bad. do not let your boyfriend make you feel that it is. you are young and entitled to experiment. i never understood how men get a pat on the back and women are scorned for having sex. i assume you were protected and consenting? so whats the prob?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again. And sincerly, no its exactly what i want. I dont want all good things said about me, i want the truth. Im not going to get pissed off because of peoples opinions, its what i ask for. I will add though that it was a silly phase i was young, i dont feel the need or want to go out kissing ppl anymore. I know why it happened, i had no confidence and it made me feel wanted and good looking, which i know is now stupid.
And yes his ex had slept with over 15 guys, alot of randoms one night stands. She got pregnant to a random guy in mexico one month before they dated. She did other sexual things with countless guys. She was also 19 when they started dating. But i would have thought if anything he would be happy with my history after her!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Well that's not exactly normal and it seems he's looking for more things to hurt him. He sounds very insecure.
My husband would call this slutty as well, is why i didn't express my opinion to you in the beginning. I don't agree with kissing people I don't care about so i can't offer comfort. All i can say is what i said. That if he really can't move on and only makes you feel giulty, then that's not good for either of you. But maybe you can find the root of his questioning. There must be a reason behind it and maybe if you put your finger on it, you can help him get over it how it really matters. Did his ex cheat? Or have tons and tons of partners before him to which he was compared and made to feel insecure? And are his other attributes enough to make you overlook this paranoia?
Well anyway, i know that's not what you were looking for but i didn't figure my personal opinion would make you very happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni cant change the way he feels, i know this. im not intending to show him this, it would probably make him angry. i never thought my history was bad, i never thought much about kissing in clubs but he tries to manipulate my head, always tells me i acted slutty and i am easy etc. my intentions, well i guess if i wrote that, and everyone on here was saying yeah its bad then i would have more sympathy for my bf. i just want opinions and i am thankful for your time.its not just that he asks about how many, he asks how long did i kiss, how much of there tongue, how many times in a night, what positions i did, how many exact times i had sex, and did other sexual things. i just dont think this is normal to ask? do other bfs ask this? i know i have never encountered a man who cared so much.and should i be feeling angry his double standards here - at the fact that he thinks this way about me, but he has a daughter with his ex gf? i dont get all angry about his past and there is a living reminder of it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): What are your intentions of asking us this? Do you plan to show this to him and throw it in his face or are you asking only for self satisfaction. Either way, I think that this issue is between the two of you and should remain that way. It doesn't matter what we find bad and good. What matters is him and if he will ever be able to get over it. If you find he's unable and can't let you live it down and makes you feel guilty for it, then maybe it's not a compatable relationship. If you can manage to ease him through the jealousy then maybe it will work, but no matter what we say here, it won't change the way HE feels.
~Sy.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Well aged 20 and only having had sex with 4 guys, I think that is actually on the low side! I know at your age I had slept with a lot more than that!
The making out with people in clubs thing is a bit weird, why do you count that?! God I have lost count of the number of people I've kissed - but I dont see kissing people as being sexual at all so I wouldnt ever think to count it as part of my "sexual history"!
Which part does your boyfriend find bad? Or does he just not like all of it? You will find in life that some men are more tolerant of a womans sexual partners and others make a big deal out of it.
The facts are you only sleep with guys you are in a relationship with - this is a very good rule to have and shows you have decent morals. For your boyfriend to think this is bad is just crazy, he cannot expect you to be a virgin and he will have known this from early on so he is being a complete idiot!
Your boyfriend is totally in the wrong here, you have a very good "sexual history" and he shouldnt judge you for sleeping with people you truly cared about. I bet he has slept with more women than you!
As long as you are happy with all your sexual choices you have made in the past (which I imagine you will be because you only slept with people you cared about) then nothing else matters. If your boyfriend has a problem then that is his problem to deal with, not yours. If he cant handle it then he should leave, it is a silly issue to have. It would be understandable if he was worried over this if you had slept with 50+ people but 4? If he hasnt got the maturity to deal with that then you are better off without him!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, superbunny +, writes (22 July 2009):
 It's not for your boyfriend to judge you, he should love you for where you are NOW - not what (or who!) you have done!
I can tell you my sexual history is probably considered "worse" than yours but as long as you were both cosenting parties, were safe and enjoyed it - then what's the problem?
You only live once - live how you want to!
There's too much pressure put on people to feel like something they're not - enjoy who you are, not worry about what you think you should be or what other people think.
I hope this helps.
x x x x
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