A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriends brother who is 13 lives in a care home as their parents have a variety of alcohol/drug/mental health problems. They have a really weird relationship though she insists on seeing him every weekend and has him stay over at least 1 night a week but sometimes on both Friday and Saturday nights. She's constantly buying him gifts and she constantly says that he can ring her whenever he wants and about anything. She also seems paranoid about him being bullied/sexually abused etc.He's also weird around her, he does everything she tells him too, if she told him to kiss her feet then he'd do it. He seems obsessed with her and in his room at the home he's got loads of different pictures of her and him on the wall. He also does weird things like sit on her lap and asks her to tuck him into bed (he's 13 and she's his sister)It just seems very weird to me
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female
reader, ChocoApollo  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 It does seem a little strange that they do so much for each other, but it might just be because they care about each other so much. When there aren't really any adults that act as a parent in a kid's life, they'll look up to an older broher or sister as if they were a parent. Plus, about the tucking into bed situation, he might be autistic or something, so his mind isn't as mature as a thirteen year old's.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): i don't think it's weird. Kids form especially tight bonds ESPECIALLY in dysfunctional families.
I remember still wanting my dad to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story at 15! He didn't because he thought i was too old, but the child in me yearned for that parental comfort every night, especially when you have other crap going on you have to deal with you REALLY crave nurturing.
he's still a kid & she might be his only positive role model. Theres always the off-chance that she is a negative role model. Pay attention to your own feelings, if you feel uncomfortable/suspicious i hope you can discuss it w your GF. Phrase it like "I'd just like some more understanding of you and your brother's relationship. Not to judge, but to understand. I know you guys have a unique situation and I just want to know & be a source of support." something like that
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female
reader, bdiehl2001 +, writes (14 July 2011):
 I think the other posts have pretty well covered that it is not weird. That sis is just trying to be there for her little brother. If you have never been in a home situation as theirs has been or even exposed to that type of family dynamics it may then seem weird to you or hard to understand. Yet children coming from homes where drugs and alcohol are abused only have their siblings to depend on. Children in these homes are exposed to danger and abuse. You thinks she seems paranoid of him being bullied or sexually abused but in that type of home environment those things are very likely to have happened. How long have you two been living together? Perhaps she had been abused herself. Yes he is in a home now and hopefully less likely to suffer that type of abuse especially the sexual type; but it still does happen. To share a little I had gotten into a relationship where the man I was dating was trying to get his children back out of foster care. I got to finding out the children were in because of drug abuse by both parents; even though I had been told it was because of the mother's drug abuse is why they had been taken. There was 5 of them in varying ages from 12 down threw 3 years of age. Those children counted and depended on each other and had no trust of adults. It was heart breaking; but they learnt they could only depend on one another. So your girlfriend is just doing the best she can for her little brother. She fears for his safety and may even be a little paranoid on how he is being treated and his safety, because for him to have been pulled from the home safety couldn't have been something that was a given. When she isn't there to know for sure it is actually only normal for her to worry. You should be very proud and grateful as you watch her care for her brother. It gives you a glimpse of what type of parent she will one day be. You are a VERY LUCKY MAN. The others are also right in that she needs your support and understanding.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 July 2011):
I don't think it's weird at all; it all seems to make a lot of sense based on your post. The poor lad clearly doesn't have a functional parental set-up, he lives in a care home and luckily for him his older sister has stepped up and is doing her best to be there for him whenever he needs her and is trying to make things as normal as possible. I'm sure he does idolise her as it doesn't appear that is mum is around for him and his sister is the one who's taken on the caring role. She probably wants to make sure they see each other every weekend so that he has a good routine and something to look forward to every week. I imagine the fact that he is in a care home and has probably been neglected by his parents also contributes a lot to the fact that he wants her to tuck him in and sit on her lap.
It's easy to stand on the sidelines and judge the situation as "weird" if you are lucky enough not to have grown up in that sort of situation. Sure if the lad lived at home in a nice house with mum and dad perhaps it would be odd if he insisted on his sister tucking him into bed at night. But the fact that at only 13 yrs old most days of the week he doesn't have any family around seems to make it perfectly clear why he and his sister have the close relationship they do, and I cannot see how there is anything weird about it.
I personally think your attitude is pretty immature all things considered. You should appreciate that your gf's behaviour is kind and supportive, not "weird" in any way. Her brother is family and she wants to protect him. That's entirely natural. Don't get in the way of it or try to voice your concerns because she is doing a really good thing.
To be honest, the only way I could see someone seeing this situation as "weird" is if they were jealous, and I reckon you are probably a bit jealous of the attention your gf lavishes on her brother. Seeing as you are an adult try and be the bigger guy and help her out rather than casting aspersions on their relationship.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (11 July 2011):
 It's not weird, its really admirable. It sounds like his parents aren't there for him so his sister wants to try to make up for that for him by being there for him as much as possible. It just shows she is a really good person who really cares about the people she loves. It's really sad, and a shame that his parents aren't there, and if they were, perhaps your girlfriend and ner bro wouldn't be so close, but that doesn't make their relationship weird or not right. Brothers and sisters can be very close, for whatever reason, its about what they have been through together that makes a bond strong. Closeness does not suggest anything weird or sexual, if that is what you are wondering. Most siblings see each other every day when growing up, in a traditional family home. I don't think seeing each other 3 or 4 nights a week is too much.
I get how it might be a bit weird for you, as if she is over 18 like you, she would have normally moved out of the parental home and not be needing to see siblings that often. And it may seem a bit like she has a child to look after. But this case is different and difficult because she is the only family this kid has that he can rely on. She is a good person so she doesn't want to let him down like his parents. So yes, she kind of has taken on a parental role, which a sister shouldn't have to do, but your girl feels she has to. It may make things awkard for you, but you have to accept that he is her brother and will always be in her life, especially as they are so close. It sounds like he idolises her, and how can you blame him? She is the only person who cares about him. She is his rock. He has no one else bless him. It's not an ideal situation, but try to understand why they are so close. It must be weird to you as you've not had the upbringing that they have and it may be like dating a girl with a 13 year old child becaus of the nature of the relationship. But don't think its wrong or try to change it. It wouldn't be fair. She is his only family.
Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Hi there - I know it might seems strange to you but there realyl is nothing odd about this relationship. Your girlfriend has taken over the role of 'mother' to him, which is why he has the pictures of them both and loves spending time with her. Look at it from his point of view, his family is in pretty bad shape and she is the only person looking out for him. With regards to sitting on her lap, that is also totally fine - I have a 13 year old nephew and he turns into a little kids with me (his aunt) and his nan, it's normal for kids to revert to acting quite young when they are seeking affection - and as he lives in a kids home it's probably the only true affection he gets. You need to do your part too though - make a fuss of him when you see him, maybe take him a gift now and then or treat him to some sweets when he's next over. It's really important that you realise how hard it must be for him to be seperated from his parents and desperate for some affection. Make him think the world of you too and be the man he can turn to if he needs to. Your girlfriend sounds wonderful, by the way, and you are very lucky to be with such a kind and caring girl. After everything she must have also gone through with her family, the fact that she is so loving and kind to her brother is wonderful. See the situation for what it is - you have a great girlfriend with a heart of gold, who is determined that her brother will feel loved and wanted by her. He also sounds like a great kid, doing everything his big sister says just shows how respectful and nice he also is. Go out and get him some sweets for next time you see him (and maybe treat your girlfriend to some flowers for being so lovely), x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): He is hanging on to her because it sounds as if she is all he's got. Its a pathetically sad situation when you think about it. But she is doing what a good big sister should do. Trying to provide him with a little support and love. Dude you'd do that much for a homeless dog! They aren't being weird, they are working through a tough situation and you are being jealous. Try and overlook your insecurities and see him, not as a male threat but a mixed up kid who needs some support. Act like a big brother to him. He could probably use some good role models. As for your girlfriend, she is being an anchor to keep him on the straight and narrow. That's a tough job for a set of parents sometimes, let alone a kid not much older than he is! If she stresses about things happening to him, that's understandable. Without basic things like love and attention, kids can easily go off the rails. Predators quickly pick up on kids like that and exploit them. Shes probably terrified something like that might happen if he feels no one cares about him and he stops caring about himself. So man up and try and help her out, bless her. Shes a beautiful soul and obviously, when SHE loves someone...if the poop hits the fan she has their back. That will go for you as well as her little bro so don't be jealous of him. Stop thinking of him as a threat, start thinking from your heart and value her and what she is trying to do for him. Shes golden.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): What is it you find weird exactly? Her brother is in a care home and she wants to give the best upbringing she can despite that. The reason she is going out of her way and giving him all her attention is because his life is already upside down just by being in that place. She is letting him know that he still has his big sister who loves him.
Seen as you feel so weird about their relationship its probably best you step back and let her care for her brother without being judged or accused of being 'weird'. But if you ask me, your attitude is 'weird' as I still don't understand were your coming from.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Its not weird. They love each other because they are family. It sounds like he doesnt have good parints so she is watching over him like a parent would.
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female
reader, Y_v +, writes (11 July 2011):
 What's weird about that? This is a family relationship, don't feel like you should interrupt. i know you're probably not going to but still... there's nothing wrong with big sister loving. They are allowed to be close like that, it definately doesn't mean they're going to get incest or anything. Haha... She is clearly just supporting him.But seriously. if you're her boyfriend and her brother is in a carehome, you need to be the supporter also. for her, not for her brother. She will end up spending more time with her family, but you also need to be there to care for her when she's feeling down because of her family situation. I'm sure you don't need anyone telling you that but yeh overall you shouldn't really get freaked out of the fact that she's giving more attention to her brother and not so much to you... just be there for her.Nothing weird is going on. don't worry mate :)x
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (11 July 2011):
i don't think it's weird, since you say there household is trouble he just wants a mom figure to be protective and have someone love him it's actually sweet and she just want to protect him and doesn't want to see him hurt. why do you feel uncomfortable? do you have any older siblings? if not than this is normal siblings look out for each other like that
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