A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating about 2 years. We both want to go on vacation in a month or so (our first trip together). He makes about 4x the amount of money I make. So you can imagine that he is not concerned about money on vacation for himself. I on the other hand am because $2,000 is a lot to me. It's bothered me a little bit that he has not offered to help me out with any of the expense. We will be with his family too btw. Am I wrong for thinking that he should help out some since it won't affect him at all but to me it's a lot of money and could strap me ? Maybe its just my personality , but if it were the other way around I would be glad to help out and i would offer. Details - we do not live together. And no children involved. I'm 33 he is 38. I am talking plane ticket , condo rental fee , spending money, food money, rental car fees.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2016):
 I'm with Anonymous 123
If you can't afford to spend $2,000 you can't afford the vacation. I can't see why HE should pay for you, just because he makes more money. Now if he had said from the get go, I'll be paying, then sure let him pay.. but to not tell him I can't afford $2,000 till close to the vacation time... it's a little shady.
Just tell him.
A
female
reader, allthatjazz +, writes (10 April 2016):
 I think he will appreciate you more if you can be honest not only with him, but to yourself. That said, I do feel that the resentment is unjustified at this point. Sometimes we forget that people aren't able to read minds. You have to state your case as clearly and as honestly as you can. I doubt that he would go on this trip had he known that your savings won't be able to provide a cushion afterwards. If he cannot indulge you on this trip, do not force yourself. There will be other times. In the meantime, open up some more and do allow yourself to be more vulnerable to the people closest to you. Relationships that last are built that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Look here, little miss golddigger. The rules are like this: If you expect a man to pay for you, then you are not nothing but an object that can be bought and a gold digger.
If you can't afford to go on this trip, and if it leaves you strapped, as you say, then DO NOT GO. For heavens sake, your finances are your responsibility, not his. You are not married. It is VERY easy for you to say that you'd offer if the roles were reversed, and maybe you would, but that is completely irrelevant! Because the world, and humans, and the law, does not work as such. You can't expect other people to do things for you and get upset simply because you claim that you would have done it, had the roles been reversed.
Now lets get down to business. If this is an expensive trip and you do not have the means to travel, and it puts a strain on you financially, and you will hold a grudge against him for not paying for you, then cancel the trip. Do not go. Stay at home and spend that money on something else. Tell him it's too expensive. You and him can go on a much cheaper holiday another time.
And here is the last piece of advice I will give you. And this is the big secret. If you want men to pay for you, then never let them. If you refuse each and every time, they will be throwing money at you, because it makes them feel like the knight in shining armor. But in order to be a knight, you need to be a damsel in distress. I don't normally offer manipulation tips, but you seem to need it badly. You can't be a damsel in distress if you expect them to "save" you, and they do not feel like saving you if this becomes a normal pattern. It needs to only happen rarely. If you pay for this vacation now, and do not say a single word about it being expensive to you or complain, or ask him to chip in, then you gain his respect. Then, at a later point, for example if something was to happen at the vacation, or everyone wants to do an expensive excursion, then you can say "Oh, that sounds lovely, but I have to decline. I have a strict budget to stick to, but you guys should go and I will spend time at the condo or go to the beach, it'll be just fine."
I can near guarantee you that he will pay for the excursion in such a case. But if he doesn't, you should practice being okay with that, and take pride in being an independent woman who can buy her own damn vacations and not be dependent on a man.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 If the vacation is a financial burden to you, then I think you shouldn't go, irrespective of whether or not your BF offers to pay. You're not married to him, you're his girlfriend...not his wife. There's a big difference. Are you fine with taking money from him even if he did offer? You are aware that you'd have to return it, right? So it'll still be a pressure, even if the problem is immediately taken care of.
You probably knew of this vacation for some time and had time to plan it. Why did you agree to such an expensive holiday? Were you banking on your BF to take care of a part of the expenses? Yes $2000 is a lot of money and if you haven't saved enough yet, then maybe the holiday isn't such a good idea after all. Or you should have planned something more affordable in the first place, keeping your finances in mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): Have you actually told him that it will be difficult for you spending that amount of money? Perhaps he doesn't even realise you are worried about it. If you are the kind of person who never usually asks for things then he may not even realise you feel like this.Secondly even though he earns a lot more than you does he live beyond his means at all. My sister's fiancé earns the kind of money I could only dream of but I've been told that at the end of the month he's spent nearly all of his wages. He pays his share of the bills but never saves anything. Besides this, is he normally quite a generous person? It's quite an expensive holiday so perhaps he still had to watch what he's been spending to pay for his holiday.You aren't wrong for hoping he would help but as you don't live together or aren't married maybe he doesn't want to start going down the road of helping you with money just yet. Money can cause a few problems in relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): My take is that if it's a hardship for me, I wouldn't go. Eventhough your boyfriend makes more money than you, he is not obligated to pay more. It is a nice gesture if he does, but again, he's not obligated to. I guess you can't budget on airfare or condo rental, but I'm sure food and expenses can be budgeted as well as car rental. Try that....
...............................
|
