A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is has a considerably small penis. When we have sex I'm unable to achieve an orgasm through penetration, only foreplay (oral, fingering) but I've never told him this in order not to hurt his feelings. We've been together for a little over 2 years and it has gotten to the point where I'm considering purchasing sex toys (dildos, beads) so he could use them on me. But when I introduced this idea to him he became offended and was completely against it. After that conversation he purchased this organic/herbal numbing agent that he now applies to his penis in order for him to last longer in bed, cock rings and ribbed condoms for my pleasure. I really do appreciate the effort but none of those things change our situation. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): I think you've already gotten some good advice. But I also wanted to point out that you should research that 'organic/herbal numbing agent' -- it's possible that it isn't good for either of you.
To me he doesn't sound like a very caring lover; I agree with the person who suggested breaking up with him over some other issue so as not to give him a complex.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 If you can reach orgasm through just penetration alone you are lucky because not many women can. Then again, if you can reach orgasm through just penetration , ... nevertheless your anatomy won't be different from that of other women and your nerve endings will only be located in the outer third of your vagina. That's the only really sensitive part, which means , technically, that even a small 3 inches penis can do the job. His extra inches do not actually serve a practical purpose, just a psychological one , they are there just for show.
It's a bit like... both women with small tits and women with big tits can breastfeed equally. The big tits just draw more attention, but what counts for breastfeeding is that you have nipples, not that you have a lot of body fat around them.
So if you cannot orgasm through penetration alone with this guy, I doubt it's just because of his size. Maybe he did not find the right rythm and the right moves... maybe you do not start intercourse turned on enough... maybe it's your mental block because at some level you believe that only a big penis can give orgasms... who knows- You will have to find this out by communicating openly with your bf and by being very experimental- but whatever it is, it's improbable that's just because of lack of size alone.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 He's a grown man. You need to communicate to him, in fact educate him, on female anatomy. We do not orgasm through intercourse. That's just fake porn stuff. Just tell him! No one likes to be banged like a drum during sex either, and orgasms do not come from banging harder and harder... again, unlike the fake crap you see in porn!
Tell him he needs to stop thinking what he sees in porn is real.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Can he feel where your G spot is? I think even a 3 inch penis can hit that spot. It's not the frequency of the in an out but stimulating the right location. If fingering alone can produce a G spot orgasm then it wouldn't be too hard for a penis to do so. The only difference is that you can curl your finger and adjust the angle, but not the penis.
I think he doesn't want to do much foreplay because it arouses him and it shortens penetration time. He wants to strike it while it's hot. He needs to make less of a deal with orgasms. He has a great need to bring a woman to orgasm by intercourse. That's his problem alone. It should be about making love and connecting. I am afraid when you talk more about it, you just make it a bigger issue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo: A female reader, anonymous (When you brought up the fact you wanted to buy them was it a bit obvious that it's because you aren't entirely satisfied by your sex life with him? What did you say to him when you brought it up?) No, it wasn't obvious. I explained that I wanted to try new things in bed and experiment with anal. He said that the use of toys would make him feel uncomfortable and joked that I was too sexually advanced. I said that I wanted to purchase it for use when he's not around. I already own a non-penetrable vibrator and I use it when I'm by myself. He's jealous of it and calls it his arch nemesis in a joking manner. But I will try saying things to boost his moral in bed. We both don't talk much during the act but I'm willing to reconsider. To: chigirl (So you are one of the few women on earth who can achieve orgasm through penetration?) I have achieved orgasms through penetration with my ex, but the number was significantly low. I understand that it's not a major issue, however when I don't have an orgasm during sex he keeps on going because he believes that if he keeps at it, it will happen. He thinks that most women are able to have orgasms through penetration and I don't know what to say to him in order to change his view point. I've had instances where he did very little foreplay and more penetration and I end up feeling unsatisfied. Should I just communicate with him more? What if that hurts his feelings?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): I have a husband with a small penis and I am one of the very few (I'm told) women that can achieve orgasm (occasionally) through penetration. An orgasm's an orgasm as far as I'm concerned. It doesn't make any difference how I achieve it. What matters far more is how I feel about the person I'm with.
I once had a boyfriend with a big penis and it wasn't all that. It was uncomfortable and it meant we couldn't have sex that much as I'd get quite sore. I never had a vaginal orgasm with him.
You can't make him use toys on you but you can try them out for yourself. If you prefer them to him then maybe he's not the man for you. I wouldn't get hung up on the size of a man's penis though as it's not how big it is but what they do with it that matters.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 April 2016):
So you are one of the few women on earth who can achieve orgasm through penetration?
Or, are you one of the few women on earth who still havent realized that most women do NOT achieve orgasm through penetration, and thus thinks there is either something wrong with her or with him?
Look, your man is able to give you an orgasm. ENJOY IT. The next man you come across might have a bigger penis, but could also be unable to give you any orgasms what so ever.
It's not just the size of the ship you know, it's the motion of the ocean. Which means, a penis is just the equipment, it's the knowledge of how to use it that is the tricky part. Most men have no idea how to get a woman to orgasm, even though they all have decent sized tongues! I never heard a woman complain about the size of a mans tongue, because we all (most of us at least) know that the size is irrelevant, it's all about HOW YOU USE IT.
Buy a dildo and enjoy yourself alone with it. If he's uncomfortable using one on you. No harm in enjoying it while masturbating. See if that does the trick for you. But I would instead recommend a small vibrator that can be used by yourself while he penetrates you, for achieving orgasm while having intercourse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): When you brought up the fact you wanted to buy them was it a bit obvious that it's because you aren't entirely satisfied by your sex life with him? What did you say to him when you brought it up?I've had a boyfriend with a small penis but to be honest he was fantastic at foreplay and oral sex. Not many people orgasm through penetration so I wouldn't focus on that much, you are lucky that he performs oral on you and tries to satisfy you in other ways because there are plenty of people who don't try.If he is buying numbing agents in an effort to make his performance better then obviously this is a bit of a concern to him already. Although sex toys are quite a normal thing for most couples I think it touched a nerve when you suggested a dildo and he probably thought you wanted that as a substitute for what he's lacking in.But the thing is you do want to buy it because he has a small penis and he's recognised that.You can have a wonderful sex life without having an orgasm through penetration. There isn't anything you can do to change the situation with his penis size. If you had something you knew your boyfriend was a bit disappointed with in bed it would probably play on your mind and it would be best if your boyfriend boosted your confidence about it. Maybe the next time you have sex you could say lots of kind things to him so he feels like he's good in bed.Then when his confidence is about this issue is a bit better then you can start thinking about introducing sex toys and spicing things up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): Oh, dear. If what you're really asking is if it's okay to break up with a guy who has small penis, I'd be the first to say yes. It's a deal breaker for me and I'm surprised you were able to stay as long as you have. You can suggest to see a physician, but then you would have to deal first with how you break the news to him that he isn't as well endowed as you would want him to be. And that's just, well, excruciating especially since just the thought of using sex toys offends him. I'd rather come up with some excuse and break up with him than hurt him by saying he doesn't satisfy me in bed. Though you got to hand it to him for doing all that he can to make up for what he lacks. But I know you're aware that eventually it will catch up on the relationship. Have the courage to be with a man who satisfies you emotionally, intellectually and physically.
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