A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you think its possible for someone to learn to find someone attractive? I work with this guy who I really like personality wise but im just not physically attracted to him. The other day he told me he fancies me like crazy but I didnt know what to say. I feel so shallow because the only thing thats stopping me from making a go of things with him is because i dont physically fancy him. I feel so shallow and horrible for feeling this way but I cant help it. Im so confused as to whether I only like him as a friend or whether I like him more than that. I dont know what to say to him because it would really upset him if he knew the truth but I dont know what to do. Please help me because the longer I leave it, the more its destroying our friendship xxx
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 March 2007):
 If you're not sure of your feelings for him then I would play safe and remain as good friends. Remember, friends grow on you and you'll be surprised at maybe how much you'll feel you miss him as your friendship flourishes. Let him know that you like him too but for now you'd prefer to remain as friends. I'm sure he'd much rather do that for now than not have you in his life at all.
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Well, I think it is possible for attraction to grow over time and when and if you happen to fall in love, I don't think this is the same thing as Learning to be Attracted....it doesn't make you shallow if you just don't feel any sexual chemistry with him, every one is different....
Because of the fact that you work with him, you may not want to start an office romance any way, because if you plan on staying at your job and it does not work out between you, it may be awkward dealing with every one at the office knowing about your break up, and seeing him every day, I have been there and it is hard let me tell you.
That said, I would just tell him that you think it is not a good idea to date people from work, that you are very fond of him and think a lot of him, but you would like to stay friends "for now" and emphasize the for now part, but don't lead him on, be very clear that you are dating, just not him, or he will hang on to hope. Who knows, as you get to know each other better, you may fall in love and be attracted, sometimes women feel their attraction after being kissed for the first time by the guy....so maybe at an office party?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 March 2007):
 I really do think you find someone more attractive over time but I've never heard anyone else say this. When I was 17 I was totally head over heels in love with my best friend but I did not find him attractive in the least bit but the more time went on and I fell in love with him anymore I couldn't help but think he was the sexiest guy in the room. The general answer you'll get to this question is it can't happen but I think it can. Just as a safeguard though... if you decide to pursue this relationship tell him you want to take it slow because you have some doubts about it working and don't want to hurt him.
CD
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 Its only natural to want to be physically attracted to this guy. As to learning how to do this i dont think it is possible. But it is possible to see past his looks and like him for who he is not what he looks like. But what about sex does the possibility of having sex with him turn you off. If so I think you would be better keeping him as a friend. Would you be worrying about what other people would say if you went out with him. You could tell him that you just dont want to get into a relationship with anyone now but you wouldnt mind going out for a drink or meal as friends. Take it from there and see how it goes if after seeing him for a couple of dates you still dont find him attractive then you know you would be better off as friends. You may however find that he is a great guy and you want to take things further.
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