A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm very confused and wondering what you would do? Should I just forget him and move on (I dont want to) or ask him where we stand or do nothing? Or any other advise...So I met this guy we just hit it off...I'm newly quite single and not so sure of the dating thing and wasnt even sure I wanted a relationship until I met him. He made me laugh and made me smile so much so we went out for some drinks and I actually really liked this guy...he was so easy to chat to and we had lovely time. He text me to make sure I got gone safe and we met up 2 days later. Second date we had another amazing time chatted for hours...only lite niggle I got was he told me he didnt want to be a rebound as he didnt feel I'd been single long I assured him he wouldn't be and we moved on I thought. We laughed loads ..held hands etc and he wrapped me up in his hoody when I was cold and we talked about bad dates and I jokingly said and then there was me ...he said absolutely one hundred percent not and kissed me and told me he thought I was absolutely lovely and stunning. So I thought we had another amazing time..he cooked for me and we cuddled like all day..we laughed watched tv etc and when I left to go home he pulled me back from door and kissed me again and said hed had another lovely time. This time however he didnt text me to see if I got home safe. I left it a day and just sent him a casual text to see how he was...he responded a few hours later and we talked a bit but he hasnt responded to my last 2 messages ..it was nothing serious just general chit chat and he hasnt made any comment about the date or suggested meeting up again..the last time we only had like 2 days between dates...its been 2 days now and I'm worried as he hasnt responded to my last message and his last message didnt seem so engaging...why would he have just suddenly lost interest? I dont want to bug him and text him again or come across as clingy but I actually liked him. Do you think hes met someone else or just gone off me or is he busy? But surely hed have time to text me.
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male
reader, Indiglorex  +, writes (5 September 2019):
It is odd. But I wouldn't worry just yet. Still to early to tel with him and unfortunately 2 days in is when people might start to play games with each other. Give him a call around 9PM on a weekday if you're getting impatient.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2019): Honestly? You're being a bit full on too fast!
I understand you're very newly single and probably missing the whole relationship routine but this guy is probably feeling like a rebound because you're giving the signals of being on the rebound!
Give him a bit of space to reflect and gather his thoughts - two dates within two days of each other probably has him feeling claustrophobic and used in a way - he's probably thinking you're just using him to pass the time whilst you get over your ex properly. I must say it does give off the vibe from what i'm reading.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 September 2019):
 Sweetheart, you need to get a life away from this guy and get on with it. Stop making him the centre of your universe, especially so early in the relationship, otherwise, if he has any sense (and it does sound like he has that), alarm bells will ring and he will disappear out of your life as suddenly as he appeared. (If I was him, and I read your post, I would be running for the hills!)
Stop overthinking. Stop pestering him. Give him breathing space. Give YOURSELF breathing space. You are fresh out of a relationship. Enjoy your freedom. I get that this is a nice guy but you know next to nothing about him. You've met a couple of times and chatted. He's been nice to you. Great. He's probably just a nice friendly guy. Don't read anything more into it. He is wise to be wary about being a rebound. He is seeing a much bigger picture than you are as you have tunnel vision at the moment and see only "charming new guy". He could even have a girlfriend already. Have you thought of that? Perhaps THAT is why he is not in contact.
Leave it a week or so then, if you still haven't heard from him, drop him a CASUAL text, just asking how things are with him and see if he replies. If he doesn't, then take the hint and leave him be. If you want to lose him, chase him continuously and watch him disappear for good. He may disappear anyway, but that is his choice. You need to get out with friends and do stuff you enjoy instead of obsessing about a new guy you have met a couple of times.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2019): Typo correction:
"He can pay you compliments or say lovely things..."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 September 2019):
 It could be anything really.
I would just stop and back off. If you keep texting him, it will become this one way thing, which you don't want.
I DO think he is worried that he is a rebound. Maybe he is pulling back a little to figure out where HE feels He stands with you and with his own feelings. Or maybe he feels if you can dismiss your ex SO fast, you can dismiss HIM too, real fast. WHO knows?
Look, it's only be a few dates. You are investing TOO heavily in this.
Pull back, see if he picks up the slack. If he doesn't, his loss.
I'd give him some space to MISS your company and MISS talking to you.
The ball is in his court. If he doesn't contact you within the next few days of SILENCE from you, I'd block him and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2019): This is such a common post, and I find it odd you haven't seen responses to this same kind of question many times.
Ease-up! He has no responsibility to cater to your insecurities, and your connection isn't an official-commitment. Take it slow and easy! Stop over-thinking and expecting every single-day should be a love-fest. Take a deep-breath, and calm yourself.
The trouble with so many people these days is, we all need too many reassurances and guarantees! We forget that life requires some risk, and people don't have to be 100% predictable to be trustworthy.
Settle-down, sweetheart! Be suspicious of guys who lay-it on too thick! He has to be cautious, because you are recently-single; and he told you straight-forwardly that he doesn't want to be a rebound. Don't go on a texting-tirade demanding attention and reassurance. It will look desperate and immature. All too often, people still haven't gotten over their exes, and are only looking for someone to attach their neediness to. They haven't recovered from the previous breakup. All they bring is drama and baggage...and some crazy-ex to create chaos and dysfunction!
Guys who shower you with endless-affection and attention are phonies. Players do it to manipulate gullible and needy females. If he backed-off, it was appropriate.
He isn't there to fill-in for what you've lost, or be an emotional-band-aid. You're exploring a romance, and you need to come-up for air. Most importantly, stay level-headed! If he has lost interest; that doesn't mean it's your fault. He has been a decent-guy consistently, so far. You don't really know him yet; and attaching your feelings is premature. Liking him doesn't mean he likes you equally. He may still be deciding. He can pay you compliments or say lovely thing; but take such words with graciousness, and a grain of salt. They mean very little. Proof comes by demonstrative-actions, not text-messaging!!!
Nobody can accurately tell you what's on his mind; and he may not reveal every detail of what he's thinking. It behooves you to keep your feelings in-check; and not allow yourself to fall too quickly for anybody. No matter how nice a guy is! If you jump-in, and place all your bets too early; you set yourself up for disappointment, should things not turnout as you hope them to. It's way too early to tell!
Get your mind off waiting for call-backs or reply-messages! You've texted enough! Some people don't like getting their phones blown-up by desperate insecure-people that they're only dating. You're still in an introductory-stage of this romantic-connection; and you should be dignified, gracious, and self-confident. Feeling he holds all the cards is short-changing yourself. You're bringing something to the table as well; it's not all up to him how this goes! Be wise...that means, wait and see! You're judging him by all the wrong criteria. How often or how quickly he responds to your frivolous messages is a childish-concern. He doesn't repeat every sweet-move each and every-time. If he did, it would be phony and probably rehearsed! Showing-off! You'd be silly to always be expecting it!
He doesn't have to ask if you got home alright, each and every-time, like a well-programmed robot! Let him be spontaneous, and enjoy unexpected-surprises as well!
You know you are a good-woman, you know he has shown some reasonable interest; but you shouldn't set your heart on this becoming a relationship so soon. That's your problem! Don't adopt the common-mindset, " I like him, but he might getaway!" So-what if he does? Be adult enough to know that's a possibility, and prepare yourself to handle it. There will be other opportunities, and he might not be as perfect as you think.
Leave enough room for objectivity, to allow yourself the chance to get to know him; and confirm if he is honest, consistent, and sincere. You don't get wrecked over text response-time; or if he doesn't jump and reply within seconds of a nervous and insecure text-message. Take a chill-pill, sweetheart! Consider yourself worthy and valuable, whether you hear from him ever again or not! You found him, and you can find another!
It's easier said then done, I know; but you have to practice it, until it becomes part of your nature and personality. People are people, and you have to be ready to bounce-back when they disappoint you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 September 2019):
 It sounds like he was falling for you but being cautious because he doesn't want to get hurt. He knows that by continuing the dates, this is going to get serious. He is taking some me time to clear his head then to decide if he wants to go ahead and see you again. There is no rule of how long you should wait in between relationships but if you press for contact then it's going to sound alarm bells in him. Because going on too strong is one of the signs of being a rebound. He was not telling you he didn't want to be rebound to go off you, rather he has a valid concern and it is up to you and your emotional stability to give him time and understanding. I think this is how some guys behave, whether you have a recent ex or not. Guys need to pull back and get their feelings in check before they can bounce back and miss you again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2019): So you're asking 'why hasn't he called?'We don't know. His cat died, his mum died, he's trapped under something heavy, he's crazy busy or perhaps he lost his phone..The ball is in his court. If he moves heaven and earth to contact you now, then it was probably just a hiccup. If he doesn't, we'll he has his reasons.Thos reasons may not be rational, may not be defendable but they don't have to be.But ask yourself: are you being rational if you're this invested after a couple of dates? Perhaps he feels like a rebound because he senses this. It's just a couple of dates. You should stop obsessing and do something else.
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