A
male
age
30-35,
*B.
writes:Some people say that men are always ready for sex and can be ready seconds if they have someone to sleep with. Now I am not saying people aren't like this but I also have a question about not so giving people when it comes to sex.What I am wandering is why do SOME women expect a man to just be ready and aroused for sex despite giving him nothing to be excited about.I took a girl I know back home from a party last night and though I would have some fun to bring in the new year. However, when we got into bed and I had pleased her orally she just expected me to be ready to go without even trying to please me. I was fine and we still had sex but I think it is a little selfish to not try and please your partner equally. I found it especially annoying too this morning as we went to do it again but after waking up feeling rough I needed something to get me in the mood rather than just knowing I was going to have sex.Overall, what are your opinions on this? Do you expect your partner to be ready for sex just because you want it or do you agree with me that both people must actually try and please the person at least a little bit?Thanks in advance and a Happy New Year.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 My boyfriend is 22 and doesn't need special attention prior to sex, he's pretty much always ready. But then again, he is my boyfriend and we're both in love and extremely attracted to each other. I try to make him happy, even though sometimes I'm not too fond of oral because he can be a bit rough and then I feel like throwing up. In general, its just not a very pleasant experience unless I have full control.
Oral sex for us is usually separate to sex anyway.
I don't really get how you can hold such expectation for a one night stand, though. It's not about mutual pleasure, but getting your rocks off, right? Relationships are different. You compromise here and there because you want to see your partner happy, and you want to make them feel good.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): About my post. It did not go through until after your posts but I can see how you would assume otherwise.
;)
Regardless, I agree that you set too high of an expectation from a drunk and partied out gal that you didn't know so well. It was a one nighter and like one nighters are supposed to be a dream anything let alone just KNOW how to please you.
Your age is apparent as is your emotional maturity about the subject.
Get over it.
You asked our opinions so we give them. Now you want to police us and whine about them?
Happy New Years!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Well, that's the problem with one night stands. You ( boy or girl, it's the same ) are in it for yourself, you don't particularly care about fulfilling the other person or making him/her feel at ease or appreciated, or pleasing him / her beyond what's strictly necessary TECHNICALLY. Most probably you are never going to see the person again, so why doing any special effort or worrying about sextiquette.
But let's give her the benefit of doubt. Perhaps she does not feel confident about her oral skills, or maybe she was just too tired after the long night out.
Anyway, go easy with those drinks, my friend. 18-21 and you need special attention before you can perform ?... Unusual, let me say. In that age bracket , they are ALWAYS ready, some time a LOOK is enough to get the show rolling on !
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A
male
reader, JB. +, writes (3 January 2012):
JB. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt chalice, please go through the posts before posting. I have already mentioned that we both communicated and asked for what we wanted. She just refused to do what I wanted, after I had pleased her.
I am not saying I expect the exact same back just because I did it but what I am saying is surely if your partner is happy enough to do what you want the they should atleast try to please you in some way. As I have already said, a one night stand is not the best example but in relationships on the whole. I am also not saying it is only women that do this because I hear the same complaints about men being selifsh lovers. My point is that I think it is a little selifsh not to try and please your partner when they have happily done it for you.
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A
male
reader, JB. +, writes (3 January 2012):
JB. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt Miamine, thanks for the reply. I do agree, a one night stand after a few drinks probably wasn't the best example here. I have in the past had partners who were similar to this though. Back then I was a little nervous and less inclined to say things though. I am glad to see that people agree with me that not all the work should come from one person.
Thanks for all your replys, so far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): Just because you CHOSE to give her oral sex does not automatically mean she HAS to reciprocate. So lets address that.
I also don't think doing something to get something back as honest. Its manipulative. Also small minded to think such a thing.
Agreed though, sexual excitement should include foreplay. So next time, ask for her to do some touching or massage.
She may have mistaken your erection as you ready to go. If you want more, ask.
I find it funny that you think a woman should just know and complain about it and yet had you just been proactive and opened your mouth to express your wants/needs, you could have taken the moment to teach her and yourself about what you enjoy with sex, let alone built up the communication necessary for intimacy.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 January 2012):
 opps.. sorry, missed the bit about a one night stand on new years eve...
She was probably drunk and tired, and it's not the way she normally approaches the sex thing. Sex, alcohol and lack of sleep can make lazy lovers out of the best people.
If you want better sex, pick someone who is sober and hasn't partied all night.
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A
male
reader, JB. +, writes (2 January 2012):
JB. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, thanks for your replies. Secondly, do not just assume things.At male reader, anonymous, I did not take advantage of anyone, I did not set any rules and I did not expect sex. The girl I took home came home with me because she wanted to and she as much as I did wanted sex. I did not expect this and I would have not made her do it, if she had refused. However, that is both what we wanted. I did not set her any rules but I know what I do and don't find enjoyable. I prefer some kind of stimulation before getting straight to things. Just because you do not agree with casual sex, it does not mean people can't have fun with it. You are also implying that all 'MEN' are how you described. Do you honestly believe that is all women want? Sometimes they just want a casual thing and then to move on. Where is the harm in that?At Cerberus, I understand you probably assumed there was no communication but there was. She asked me to go down on her and I did the same. However, she simply refused, after I did it. I understand, some women don't enjoy, however; I believe it shouldn't just be all work from one side and nothing from the other. I was not trying to set any rules, as to how you behave in the bedroom. I personally believe that things should be equal between two people and that both sides should try and please their partner. Obviously, if something was disgusting then it is understandable if you don't want to do it. Oral sex is usually the main factor of this, as people claim they dislike it. In my opinion, not a lot of people do like it and would prefer all of the pleasure but surely it has to work both ways for people to enjoy sex with their partner.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 January 2012):
Of course it's selfish to expect your partner to please you, but for you to do nothing but just expect them to be ready. It doesn't matter if your partner is a man or woman... sex should be about mutual pleasure, not just yours and nothing else.It makes me very, very angry when men get treated like this. We have women's equality, women can have one night stands, women can have orgasms... it's unfortunately that equality doesn't include men sometimes, and some women think of them as sex beasts or not human enough to want a gentle touch.The woman was selfish and lazy...One caveat to that.... sometimes a woman or man becomes so aroused foreplay is not necessary, and penetration is wanted straight away. In this situation it's best for man to penetrate quickly (if the woman asks) and give up foreplay. In situations like this afterplay is very important to make sure your partner doesn't feel used. Men are more than a erect prick. Unfortunately it doesn't work the other way. If a man is so horny he only wants penetration, he still has to caress and kiss the woman to get her turned on and juicy enough to penetrate or he will hurt her badly.Why didn't you say something?... your needs and wants are as important as hers when you get to the bedroom.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Sexual pleasure is a mutual thing, whatever it takes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): I totally agree with you a man has to get a woman aroused so why shouldn't a woman do the same for a man me and my boyfriend always please each other equally that is how it should be
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): Most women need to be asked or guided. Simple as that. They're not mind readers and if you're nice enough to do all the work then why would they stop you. You are the man like, that is our traditional role.
Did she ask you to go down on her? My feeling is no. Did you ask her to go down on you? Again I think not. You just did and she just didn't. Who knows maybe she just caught in the moment or you just did everything and she just lay back and enjoyed herself.
You can't judge anything on a one night stand and for the record yes, most of us guys are ready in an instant. I only have to know that me and my girlfriend are going to bedroom to become aroused I'm ready to go right then and there but arousal in women can take time, and juices need time to flow before the act itself. It's just kind of a natural progression really.
We actually keep oral for me separate from our sex sessions because all I want to after it is lie back and relax. I do get it quite often and it doesn't take too long, but I'm useless for a good half an hour after it in all ways.
Sex doesn't have to be equal OP, it just has to meet both peoples needs and that doesn't happen every single time you have sex, no matter how long you're with your partner. Some people don't like giving oral perhaps she's one of them and honestly getting oral "the next morning" is a zero chance OP. With your and her juices festering and fermenting on your willy all night? Yeah, no.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): "Men" don't take avantage of female friends.
"Men" don't take drunken pick-ups home and then give them rules on how to perform in bed.
"Men" don't "expect" sex on demand.
"Men" respect women.
"Men" take individual responsibility for their own actions and choices.
"Men" define taking advantage of a drunken female as
non-consensual sex.
"Men" don't justify or rationalize deviant sexual behavior by implying all "men" do it.
"Men" don't do any of the above, you do all of the above.
You are nothing a man is, AND everything a man is not. What exactly does that make you?
Happy New Year.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): I agree with you, I'm a female and I always try to please my partner orally and then he won't return the favour to me. Espescially cause I'm female it can hurt if im not turned on enough. You should be treated equaly with sex, but obviously some people are just too lazy.
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