A
male
age
36-40,
*olinsky
writes:Alrighty then. I'll try to make this as brief to the best of my abilities.I'm 24, she's 22. We met in a forum where artists gather and discuss... whatever it is we discuss. Few words about her:She's cute (I'd give her a 7 out of 10), sort of snappy sometimes, and tad arrogant. Sort of a tom boy really, but there is also something feminine about her too. It's difficult to explain. Basically think of a girl that had to grow around lots of boys and didn't have much time to act girlish. She wears army pants... With that being said however, I've also seen a better side of her which I'd really like to get to know. Not to mention she is very intelligent and a she does study hard (as opposed to me). So all of that makes me feel very inferior. I don't have to guts to ask her out, because in a way I feel intimidated and it's like we're not on the same level. We've met in person once last year on a forum meeting. There were like 30+ people and so, but I failed so miserably to get a good "first impression" going. Oh, God it was so bad! I chatted her up on skype once and sort of asked her if she'd like to go to a gallery with me and her reply was something along the lines of: Well, you tell me when and where and we'll see.Also I got a new job as a game designer (yey) and when I announced it in the forum she asked if I was leaving for another country. I told her "No, you're worried I'd leave you(smiley face)?" and her answer was "game point". I don't even know what that means...Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see, but all in all I find her interesting and I'd like to give it a shot, but I am scared out of my mind to ask her out even on a casual date.Do you guys think I'm way in over my head with her? I know it's difficult to get an impression of the situation with just a few lines, but still... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (22 June 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
I thought I'd give you guys an update.
So I asked her out (skype) and she said nothing. As if she chose to ignore me.
So uhm I went on the date and waited for about 45 minutes and she didn't show up. It was sort of bad at first, but then I was happy, because at least I mustered up the courage to go through with it. So I'm feeling really good about taking your advice. And I know there are lots of fish in the sea, but it would have been nice if at least for once someone would fall for me. Guess not...
Well, that's life. I might as well learn how to live single.
Again - thanks.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 June 2009):
Brilliant. I was about to come over there and smack you!
;oP
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Hooray!!!
Puts a smile on my face. I'm happy for you and for your revelation... you're right, there's always a billion reasons NOT to do something. If she is someone who makes you say "And my God, she is worth the effort." - you absolutely need to go for it. There are only so many people who make you say/think that!!
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (10 June 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you.
I know you're only trying to help and I'm being a total d*ck about it. But come to think of it, I'll always have plenty of excuses not to go through, which is exactly why I'm gonna go for it.
Even if I fail at least I'll sleep better at night knowing that I've tried.
And, my God, she is worth the effort.
Again, thank you, everyone!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 June 2009):
Personally, I am much more attracted to a guy who hasn't been with anyone than a guy who's had 50 women. You have no idea how attractive virgins/newbies can be! Some girls really love "breaking a guy in". I think you are just nervous and you're thinking of every reason why should wouldn't want to be with you. You're talking yourself out of things and making a lot of assumptions along the way, like that she wouldn't be interested in you because you've never had sex. You're both young anyway, you're certainly not a freak of nature for never having been with a woman before!
I think that she already finds you cute and charming, she likes talking to you - she's into you. And think of it this way - you know all those girls out there who get all worked up over their guys past? That can't stop thinking about their guy EVER having been with another girl? Not a problem for you.
I wouldn't be up front and say, "hey I really like you but I've never had sex or been in a relationship with a girl before, I hope that's okay." - I mean, that's just a lot of information right up front. Go on a date. See how things work. If she asks you about previous girls, then be honest - and I'm positive she'll find it more attractive than you think. When you're feeling comfortable with her and you know that she actually does like spending time with you, then you can tell her. But again, I think you're making too big a deal out of this.
GO. FOR. IT!!!!!!! You will surprise yourself, I think.
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (10 June 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I'm self sabotaging this, but I've got issues :(
Among being really skinny (6ft 135lbs) I've got another thing that's really bothering me. I'm... I've never been with a woman before. I mean ever.
And, yeah, I know it's probably in my head and she probably won't care much about that, but it's still a downer, you know? I use to feel bad about not having a job before, but now that I do it makes me feel so much more confident. And that is how I know that if I had sex, I'd be at ease. Because I'm tired of hearing people saying "It's not a big deal" Yeah, it's probably not, but at least you HAD it.
So not being aware of this doesn't exactly make me "cool". What would you think about a guy who's never been in a relationship? Something is wrong, right?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 June 2009):
Seriously, Amen EmilyAnswers. (I heart that girl.)
You are writing this all off before you've even done anything. Goodness gracious! It sounds like your online lady is giving you the go ahead, and the only thing holding you back is this random idea that somehow, things are doomed and that you're an idiot for even thinking of asking her out. This is just SILLY, completely SILLY. You're putting her up higher and higher on a pedestal, thinking she's way out of your league and feeling inferior... I'm sure that's not what she thinks. She probably thinks you're a really cool, really great guy and she's wondering why you haven't asked her out already. GET ON THAT. Why are you wasting time?
So you're different. This is GREAT! Opposites attract, come on, you know that cliché. It's true. She can help you open up and little bit, and if she's a social gal then she'll do most of the talking, or at least open up the conversation. And, maybe she needs someone steady like you, who can keep her grounded.
But, we're getting ahead of ourselves here... you just need to get on that horse and ask her out. You'll never know until you try and why waste more time fretting about things? You'll just be kicking yourself for years if you do nothing about it. Ask her out!!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 June 2009):
Hey look, you asked her out and she said yes and you are going to dump her before the first date?
The only thing holding you back is your attitude.
If you don't do this then you are making a mistake and one day you are going to wake up and be 40 and single and realise how you let opportunities slip through your fingers.
I honestly do not see what you have to lose by arranging the date you already asked her on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (10 June 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that simple. I'm really NOT cool. Actually I am boring most of the time and don't have lots of subjects to discuss. She, on the other hand, is very social. Events, concerts, you name it.It's like we're from different worlds. If I was the social one and she was in my shoes, I wouldn't mind dating a girl like that, but in this case it's just pathetic, isn't it? A guy with no life aiming for someone totally out of his league. Yeah, that sure will work...I should just forget about it.Thanks anyway, guys.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 June 2009):
You asked her out... she said "yes, organise something and I'll check my diary." and you have disappeared and not got back to her.
The poor girl is probably wondering what she did to put you off her.
Just find an exhibition and ask her if she wants to go.
Stop trying to look so cool. This is not life or death. You are not going to fall through a trapdoor if she says she is busy.
Just ask her if she is free on Saturday and tell her there is a show you think she'd like and you'd like to take her to see it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (10 June 2009):
 her saying that tell me when and where means shes flirting and she wouldnt flirt if she wasnt interested so just go for it.ask her out ask her to hang out scratch that haha ask her outt i'm sure she'll except good luck :D
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