A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:As a man, it's hard for me to understand how a woman can be attracted and get very close emotionally when I'm not available, then, when I become available, say her attraction comes and goes and we both need to work through our particular issues but she wants to stay good friends. It sounds like a bunch of BS and makes very little sense to me as a man. Can any women help explain? Her issue was she didn't want a long-term relationship, which seemed believable at the time. Now a couple of months later, she's dating a guy exclusively and sending me "friend" emails as if she forgot that's what she told me.Why, when you tell a woman you want her to be completely honest, and in turn act with complete honesty, does she still tell you half-truths to try not hurt your feelings? It hurts more to have to wonder about her weird nonsense explanations than if she'd said "I'm just not interested sexually anymore, but you make me feel good when I'm down, so I'd like you to be my friend."Also, I understand that by opening up to her I may have become more annoying than manly, and she might have lost her attraction because of that. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, zwaken +, writes (6 August 2014):
Women consider themselves socially sophisticated , aware and caring
When they let a guy down the way this girl let you down--and to a great degree they are. The only problem that results from this form of kiss off
Is when the guy (like you) is not absorbing the underlying meaning and refuses to move on! Also, in a lot of cases the woman is using the
Gentle --half truthed let down in order to feel less like a bitch, or a tease,especially if she knows she led you on. She can make it appear to be for your benefit when it is actually done a lot for her own. In either case the attraction was not mutual here. If you want to be her friend go ahead, but it sounds like you want a lot more--- Your best move would be to quit the friend charade ---if you have a strong sexual desire for her, and
Take your space. Next time --practice going strong after what you want.
Plenty of girls better for you out there!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): I will tell you the truth.Females don't know what they are thinking.They only know what they are feeling emotionally.You my friend have been put in friend Zone.Do the research.The reason it happened is because you didn't act like a dominant alpha male.My guess is that you acted weak ,wimpy, sensitive, or too available . A girl instinctively wants a independent type of man.She was attracted at first but realized you were missing that special something.Actually it's called balls.She is now looking at you as her gay friend.Girls are attracted to high status primarily. when you weren't available other wanted you that gave you something called social proof or HIGH VALUE.When you became available the value dropped.The trick is to never be TOO available.You need to get busy in your life and don't try to kiss her ass and do things for her without equal exchange of value.Don't ask girls for relationship advice ever, ask a ladies man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Unfortunately some people find it very difficult to be as honest as you say you are. And it could be also that she didn't want a long-term relationship and does now. We are not all straightforward either. Sometimes we don't know ourselves what we want.
Think it might be better if you stopped torturing yourself about the whys and wherefores and just got on with your life and found someone else. Because this side of your ex obviously didn't suit you.
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A
female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (21 December 2009):
It's time for you to tell her that you two should have a platonic relationship and see how she feels, don't let her convince you otherwise, at least for now. You might have a weak spot for her but you need to realize she's just not that into you. On the other side, if you think she is into you but just doesn't want a relationship then maybe she thinks that you're always going to be there so if she dates other people and don't like them at least she has you for backup. It doesn't sound very pleasant but it could be true. If you really like her, then let her satisfy her curiosity because she might be thinking that the grass could be greener on the other side. If you're meant to be, she'll come right back to you, it's just a matter of time. It's better to have her do whatever she desires and when she finally choose to be with you, hopefully she will no longer be curious. However, don't put your life on hold while you're waiting for her, keep doing what you like and you never know when you'll come across someone else that might just make you forget about this woman or the other way around but at least you'll know more of what you truly want. She's telling you half-truths because she wants you around but she doesn't want to be lying about what she's doing, it's like a self-fulfilling method (e.g. I'm not telling the whole truth because I don't want to lose you but I'm telling you some truth so technically I'm not lying, stuff like that. She is greedy but for her own good, maybe even for yours, so you can't blame her. She might be torn between you and someone else. Things happen for a reason so instead of wondering why she's doing what and etc. go with the flow and the pieces of the puzzle will eventually fall into place. If you know/think you are becoming more annoying than manly, then don't be too open to her and be more casual and you might see a difference in that way she treats you, could be better or worse but at least you'll get some answers. Life is about living and learning so don't put that process on hold trying to figure her out. Love is when you're with someone without having to figure them out. Good Luck! :-)
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 "I'm just not interested sexually anymore, but you make me feel good when I'm down, so I'd like you to be my friend." Thats called being blunt and having no tact and if she were to actually say this to you, you probably would have a different opinion of her.
Some people when given such a blunt statement become hostile to the other person. People can feel used and may wish to retaliate in a way against the blunt person until they feel like they have redeemed themselves. Half truths is a very delicate and very sophisticated art form of letting another person go gently to maintain amicability. In some ways its a form of care because ultimately, if someone cares, they will not want to hurt you because it doesn't feel good to be hated.
A good analogy to this is "Do not burn all your bridges after you have crossed them."
Your pride obviously feels hurt because she didn't choose you, but she has with someone else. This doesn't mean what she told you at the start was lies or even a half truth. It could mean she ment it completely at the time and then she found someone who changed her mind. People can change who they are and to do so, they have to change their minds about certain things.
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, jerrel +, writes (21 December 2009):
 yeah i know what you mean, my friend lizzy is like that, not to me, but to every dude that wants her, and she like torturers them thinking it would be mean to say i dont like you like that, and like leads them on for months and months at a time. they think its the nice thing to do, and she doesn't belive me when i say that its just cruel. lifes a bitch that way. hope i helped at all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Well, depends on the circumstances. Even the most hurtful things can be well intentioned. Women often persuade themselves that their lies will cushion men from the truth and oftentimes, may succeed in making a bad situation worse. I believe that it is best to cut ties with a person you are drawn to whom you can't have- either by circumstances or their choice. To overcome a crush first you need peace of mind and you can't get any peace if she is constantly cooing in the background while she shares her bed with another. Make you peace and keep looking for the one for you
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