A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So first I'm married with three kids. Five years ago I joined a gym and, cutting it short, met a lady who I instantly fell in love with. It was two years before I spoke to her, I wasn't looking for an affair, but then we became very close and spent a lot of time together. Nothing Physical ever happened but it was an emotional affair. She by the way was single and had no other relationships during the time I knew her. After another year of getting really close things changed and she started to ignore me. I tried to speak to her but she refused and treated me like someone she hardly knew. I took a long break from seeing her thinking it was best for both of us but I missed her so much. When I see her now she ignores me. I can't see why we can't be friends but she just won't be. Believe me I love her so much but I hate the way she behaves to me. What should I do? I want to force the issue and confront her about why she won't speak to me but should I just leave her alone and accept that our friendship/realtionship is over? I can hardly function at the moment for thinking about her!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Well first of all thanks for the responses. I've been struggling because I can't speak to a single person about this, including her, which is what I need I think. Part of me just wants some kind of closure, there just seems to be something hanging around that was unsaid. I can really relate to the comment about therapy, my wife and I had counselling as things were so bad, we came out of that and carried on but to be honest I think it's me that needs more counselling but I can't bring myself to get it. It just seems wrong, I'm a professional person with a great job yet I can barely function at the moment and can't hold on much longer without some kind of help.
Other thing is yes there is a whole lot of other stuff that I couldn't include but I suppose I've got the theme right in what I've told you.
What is it I want from this? To be honest I want closure, I want to be able to close her off and get back on track with my family. It isn't that simple as I really do not think I love my wife anymore, but I do love my kids and would never let them down. I'll stay with her for them.
Other answer to a question is that in the five years I've known her she has never had a partner but in the last few weeks she seems to have got one. And yes I want her to be happy and get on with her own life but she seems to be able to block me out and get on with it wheras I'm just languashing about thinking about her so it hurts.
Just help me get over her, to say I can't stop thinking about her is the understatement of my life and I really do just want to forget her I suppose. Or not!
A
female
reader, kendie75  +, writes (22 December 2009):
Are you actually asking advice about another women while married with 3 beautiful children? What is going on with you that you think it is okay to cheat (emotional affair is cheating) on your wife and family? You need to seriously consider therapy or better yet why don't you get your wife's opinion on how you should handle this situation I'm sure she would have some great ideas! At least be fair and give your wife the option to also have an affair. You should pray that karma does not come and find you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Married with three children but in love with another woman with whom you have never made love? Maybe there are a lot of details missing here, but I think you just need to regroup in your mind. First of all, forget the other woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): I think you need to let go of her. Clearly, she does want to have anything to do with you. Dont waste your time thinking about her and what made her stop talking to you. Maybe she met someone else and probably is in a serious relationship and does not want to mess that up by being close to you.
Anyway, what are you going to do finding out why she is not talking to you anymore? Take it as a sign and get back on track.. you have a family that needs you and your love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): you dont write anything here abour your wife or your three children, are they immaterial in your life? i think you need to ask yourself this question? You say you had an emotional affair with this other woman, obviously she feels the same, she was probably expecting alot more from you, Do you want to leave your wife and be with this woman that you say you "love" if not then leave this woman alone and start concentrating on your family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Maybe she is looking for something committed and maybe so is your wife. Could you work on your marriage instead, seeing as if you did stray it would affect both her and your children? Life would be a lot simpler if you could bring some magic back into your marriage. How would you feel if you wife was being emotionally unfaithful?
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