A
male
age
36-40,
*upan
writes:I want to know whether my Co-worker loves me.I am a south Asian.she is a white girl.Do white girls expect boys to propose first?Or am I mistaking her friendship towards me.But I heard once she was singing my name with hers.I never had a girl friend before.she always defends me and care for me.I think,she even indirectly propose me.But,Recently,she said she only likes me not loves me.Is she upset that I did not get more closer to her? I am not well settled and I am quite depended on my family.This prevents me to take a solid decision.But I know I will be happy if I get married to her.I feel kind of emptiness whenever I don't see her.I do work with many white girls but never been closer.Therefore It is quite tough for me to understand the way they think and their expectations.I am confused.Am I missing a life time chance?Most Importantly I don't want to do a South Asian style arrange marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): It maybe a little more difficult now than it was before since you don't work with her no more.
If there is any way you could see her again at her place of work (I.e, if she works around members of the general public rather than an area where only staff get the access) then you could always pay her a visit. Don't make it obvious why you've visited, just take it all in stride. Have a chat and see where it leads. If you could get her on facebook and contact her that way it maybe easier for you.
Don't let your racial background differences be a concern to you, this is the 21st century, more people are open minded these days to inter racial relationships. Unless of course she is devoted to a certain religion herself which she will have to follow rules and more to the point, only see guys of the same religion and faith.
You said you never came here with a personal life in mind, only to set yourself up with a decent life, well I'd say if you DON'T ask this girl out it will only play on your mind "What if", and interfere with your other goals. So I would get this over and done with as soon as possible. If she agrees to a date and things develop into something more then great, if not, just move on and focus on the primary targets you came here to reach.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 "But I know I will be happy if I get married to her.I feel kind of emptiness whenever I don't see her"
How do you know this? You don't really know here romantically at all? She might not feel the same about you.
Do not rush. You can ask her out for a coffee or something and have a chat and get to know her. If she says yes, then you're going on a date. After 2 months of dating (once a week) you might have a chance at having a relationship.
Marriage is something to be considered after a couple of years (if you make it that far) in Western (our) culture.
If you don't make it past one date then it's a no.
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A
male
reader, Rupan +, writes (8 January 2013):
Rupan is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Propose as in marry or ask out?"Another co-worker asked me when I am going to get married. She was also there. I told I will marry after I buy a home for me. Suddenly she told me "what about half-half". I could not respond anything. But I realised later I should have told something. Once I lied to her that I have a girl friend then she asked me why I did not mention before.Then I told it was a joke.nI am not working there. She is more than 9 years younger than me. I think she is 18/19 years old. But she seems to have more maturity than me. I should have asked her out for a a coffee. Since I have a south Asian background, I had a mentality that It could be tough for me to marry a westerner and adjust to their way of life. She might have been interested in me. I feel kind of guilt that I did not ask her out for a coffee. I also like her, She is very kindly and friendly girl. I think I have two options. 1)forget everything and move on in life, but it is not easy to forget her or to find another girl. 2)Renew the friendship and ask her out for a coffee. I came here to find a good job and settle down. I never had any plans for my personal life. But it is not easy realise what your heart really wants.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (7 January 2013):
Dear OP,If the girl says she only likes you, but doesn't love you, that could mean for her it's nothing more than friendship. I actually suppose you are in her "friendzone". Which means she thinks you are a nice guy, so she cares for you like a friend. But she doesn't see you as a lover, neither as a future husband. In general, western women never indirectly propose marriage before they are in a long term relationship. In my experience, for western people, the way to relationships and marriage goes more or less like this (please note this is not true for all people, more a rule of thumb):1) you flirt a bit, which seems to be the point where you are now. You like each other and think about each other when you're not around.2) you (the man) ask her out for coffee. If she says yes, that means she is maybe (!) interested in you. But it doesn't mean much yet. Ideally, you talk about general interests, have fun and find that you have a lot in common.In the end, you say you really enjoyed it and that you'd like to see her again sometimes. If she says yes, you exchange numbers and ask her out on a date. Like the movies, dinner.. maybe, if the chemistry is right, you can kiss at the end of the date. 3) If that goes well, you start dating. People are very individual on how much time they spend dating before sleeping with each other. But the average western people have sex with each other somewhere between the 3rd and 10th date. At least that's among my friends.4) Then, if you both liked the sex and still like each other and have a lot in common, you start a relationship. That means you see each other in your free time, introduce each other to friends and even family. You start to share more and more of your life together.5) Somewhere between 6 months of relationship (early) or 5 years of relationship (late), you or she, but rather you as the man, can propose marriage. There is no exact rule if the guy has to propose, but a woman can come across as pushy and it's considered more romantic if the man proposes. Women like it more the old fashioned way.However, after reading this, I hope you are warned. Marriages are not made very sudden in western countries, at least not in my country. It is the very last step after a long time you spend together. If you propose marriage right away, before having established a relationship, including kissing, both of you saying "I love you", and maybe sex, you come across as ridiculous!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): I also agree, it is too soon for her to love you. Like you, yes, but then that can come in different contexts too.
Like you as a friend.
Like you as a co-worker.
Like you more than both friend and co-worker.
Don't jump the gun and expect her to love you right now though, there needs to be more time and a more ideal setting than work. You seem to get along well, why not ask her if she would like to do something after work with you one time and she what she says?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (7 January 2013):
Propose as in marry or ask out? How could she love you at this point? It sounds like you don't really know her.
I would take it slow. If there's one thing I know about westerners its that most don't rush in to marriage.
Ask her on a date, get to know her over a number of dates, then ask her to be your girlfriend. In a year or two you can start talking about marriage!
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